Hello faithful followers!
Thanks for not giving up on me during my hiatus. I had not planned to take such a break, but sometimes life--or, more specifically, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome--gets in the way. In December, I experienced a worsening of my CFS symptoms which warranted doctors' visits, new medication, and an overall lifestyle change. One of the casualties, unfortunately, was the blog.
However, after several months of re-prioritizing, rest, and a move back to the mountains of North Carolina, I am beginning to feel like a functioning human being again. I still have to work on managing my CFS for the long-term, but there seems to be a light in the distance which tells me this tunnel won't last forever.
Speaking of slowing down, did you know that long periods of rest spark creativity? They have for me, and I'm excited about bringing some of these ideas to life. In late summer or early fall, I'll be renovating the blog, providing a YA fiction focus and moving the devotional/life diary side to another venue. Templates are already swimming prettily in my head.
With this in mind, I'll be scoping out teen and YA fiction blogs to feature and link on my main page. I already have a couple in mind, but I'd love any recommendations you can send my way. I promise to check them out!
Finally, it wouldn't be summer without some fun reads. My To-Be-Read (TBR) pile includes Ally Carter's Out of Sight, Out of Time, Robin Jones Gunn's Finally and Forever (the fourth in her Katie Weldon series), and Jill Williamson's Replication, among others. I'll pick my two favorites and sing their praises right here during the summer.
What do you think of my selections? Would you recommend an addition to the pile? If so, what? Please share!
Showing posts with label Rest and Stillness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rest and Stillness. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 6
Tuesday, July 19
On The Mountain
“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” -Psalm 19:1
I spent July fourth weekend at home, South Mountain Baptist Camp. Although over 250 campers filled the mountain on Friday, it was still on Saturday morning.
I love to walk through camp when it's silent, especially on a day so beautiful. The sky was a bright blue and punctuated with clouds. A breeze floated through the leaves and kissed my face, making the temperature cool and comfortable. The sun poured over the hills and into the valleys.
It had the beauty of an undeveloped place—no cars, planes, sirens, traffic jams, skyscrapers, or billboards. Nothing frantic.
Only a stillness from creation that draws you to worship.
As I walked, memories, like old friends, joined me. The memories of climbing the never ending hill "Uptop," of beading bracelets on the huge tables in the chapel basement during crafts, of reading as many mission books as possible to earn camper points, and of sitting in the cool middle room of the chapel basement during Bible study as a camper.
I caught glimpses of myself as a staffer, sitting on the front pew during chapel and doing hand motions with the other staff, teaching Bible study in the same room I'd been taught in—its atmosphere as cool and damp as ever, and being sprayed with a water bottle as I served food off a hot line in a kitchen without air conditioning.
And when I sat at the chapel, memories of Thursday nights humbled me anew. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see those services, the pews packed with little boys and girls, and me watching and praying for the Spirit to move and awaken little eyes after a week of no distractions and lots of love. I remembered the awe I felt watching them come forward and kneel at the altar, the joy I experienced taking one little girl by the hand and walking her downstairs to counsel her heart, and the repentance and humility of watching Him move mightily for His glory and the sake of their souls despite how distracted I, we as a staff, had been that week.
That awe returned because He is always moving for His glory there—whether it be exalting Himself in the quietness of creation or in the crazy, fun, busyness of 250 little bodies. Camp is my spiritual retreat, my favorite place to get alone with Him, because it is there I can “be still and know that He is God” (Ps. 46:10). His presence dwells deeply on the mountain, and every day there I count as a undeserved grace.
It is there that I regain perspective: He is a God who moves! And knowing that He's been faithful to do just that every week of the summer for over fifty years? It humbles me.
But there is nothing sacred about the site itself. God is as active in Raleigh, Greenville, and Morganton as in that chapel. What is special about South Mountain is the reminder that we serve a God who acts on behalf of His children.
What a Savior we have.
I spent July fourth weekend at home, South Mountain Baptist Camp. Although over 250 campers filled the mountain on Friday, it was still on Saturday morning.
I love to walk through camp when it's silent, especially on a day so beautiful. The sky was a bright blue and punctuated with clouds. A breeze floated through the leaves and kissed my face, making the temperature cool and comfortable. The sun poured over the hills and into the valleys.
It had the beauty of an undeveloped place—no cars, planes, sirens, traffic jams, skyscrapers, or billboards. Nothing frantic.
Only a stillness from creation that draws you to worship.
As I walked, memories, like old friends, joined me. The memories of climbing the never ending hill "Uptop," of beading bracelets on the huge tables in the chapel basement during crafts, of reading as many mission books as possible to earn camper points, and of sitting in the cool middle room of the chapel basement during Bible study as a camper.
I caught glimpses of myself as a staffer, sitting on the front pew during chapel and doing hand motions with the other staff, teaching Bible study in the same room I'd been taught in—its atmosphere as cool and damp as ever, and being sprayed with a water bottle as I served food off a hot line in a kitchen without air conditioning.
And when I sat at the chapel, memories of Thursday nights humbled me anew. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see those services, the pews packed with little boys and girls, and me watching and praying for the Spirit to move and awaken little eyes after a week of no distractions and lots of love. I remembered the awe I felt watching them come forward and kneel at the altar, the joy I experienced taking one little girl by the hand and walking her downstairs to counsel her heart, and the repentance and humility of watching Him move mightily for His glory and the sake of their souls despite how distracted I, we as a staff, had been that week.
That awe returned because He is always moving for His glory there—whether it be exalting Himself in the quietness of creation or in the crazy, fun, busyness of 250 little bodies. Camp is my spiritual retreat, my favorite place to get alone with Him, because it is there I can “be still and know that He is God” (Ps. 46:10). His presence dwells deeply on the mountain, and every day there I count as a undeserved grace.
It is there that I regain perspective: He is a God who moves! And knowing that He's been faithful to do just that every week of the summer for over fifty years? It humbles me.
But there is nothing sacred about the site itself. God is as active in Raleigh, Greenville, and Morganton as in that chapel. What is special about South Mountain is the reminder that we serve a God who acts on behalf of His children.
What a Savior we have.
Sunday, June 19
My Perfect Day
This week was fairly wonderful, including some of my favorite activities and places, but Wednesday was my perfect day.
I woke up in a wonderfully large bed in the peaceful and delightfully decorated white and blue toile room at the historic Arrowhead Inn . For breakfast, I was served scrambled eggs with béarnaise sauce, sausage, fruit salad, and a homemade cherry pastry. Quite possibly the best breakfast I've ever eaten.
Then I was able to spend the rest of the day plotting and writing outside in the gazebo, in the hammock, and on the swing. The gardens were quiet and colorful; the breeze just enough to kiss my face, and the temperature perfect. Clearly, God was showing off.
I took a break to grab lunch from Foster's Market, where I had the best burger with dill havarti cheese, spinach, and lemon caper mayo. It was too good for words I tell you, and I fell in love with the old-fashioned general store feeling of the market, complete with mismatched chairs and tables scattered inside and out.
I worked in The Keeping Room during the late afternoon, enjoying the tea, classical music, and conversation with Rebecca, the interim innkeeper. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and getting to know her a little bit. She is creative, engaging, amicable, and a delight to be around. I didn't even know that such a position as interim innkeeper existed, but how intriguing is the idea of traveling from B&B to B&B to serve as hostess, concierge, and chef? Her story inspired me.
Finally, I was able to sink back into bed that night with a completely new understanding of my "story world" (the world/time/setting in which a story takes place), a face to match Potentate Marcioni's character, and seven new pages of insights. My time in the Word and prayer that evening was sweet.
I couldn't have planned a better day. No, the One who knows me better than I know myself allowed His face to shine down on me Wednesday. Our Father who delights in giving good gifts gave me a perfect day alone with Him.
And I am grateful.
I woke up in a wonderfully large bed in the peaceful and delightfully decorated white and blue toile room at the historic Arrowhead Inn . For breakfast, I was served scrambled eggs with béarnaise sauce, sausage, fruit salad, and a homemade cherry pastry. Quite possibly the best breakfast I've ever eaten.
Then I was able to spend the rest of the day plotting and writing outside in the gazebo, in the hammock, and on the swing. The gardens were quiet and colorful; the breeze just enough to kiss my face, and the temperature perfect. Clearly, God was showing off.
I took a break to grab lunch from Foster's Market, where I had the best burger with dill havarti cheese, spinach, and lemon caper mayo. It was too good for words I tell you, and I fell in love with the old-fashioned general store feeling of the market, complete with mismatched chairs and tables scattered inside and out.
I worked in The Keeping Room during the late afternoon, enjoying the tea, classical music, and conversation with Rebecca, the interim innkeeper. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and getting to know her a little bit. She is creative, engaging, amicable, and a delight to be around. I didn't even know that such a position as interim innkeeper existed, but how intriguing is the idea of traveling from B&B to B&B to serve as hostess, concierge, and chef? Her story inspired me.
Finally, I was able to sink back into bed that night with a completely new understanding of my "story world" (the world/time/setting in which a story takes place), a face to match Potentate Marcioni's character, and seven new pages of insights. My time in the Word and prayer that evening was sweet.
I couldn't have planned a better day. No, the One who knows me better than I know myself allowed His face to shine down on me Wednesday. Our Father who delights in giving good gifts gave me a perfect day alone with Him.
And I am grateful.
Tuesday, February 15
When Life Takes Over...
I entered January with high hopes and a very detailed schedule. I did this so that I would move forward and "be successful" in my writing life.
Guess what?
My writing life is like my life in general, things rarely go as planned.
Only a couple of blog posts marked my progress at the end of the month, and I entered February with no editing completed. But oh, did I have confusion, frustration, and not a little guilt.
As I looked back over my month and my failure at this to-do list, several truths came to mind. I share them with you in the hopes that they'll encourage you in your own frustrating times, writing-centric or not.
First, God is sovereign. If it was His plan for me to do everything on my to-do list, it would get done. But more importantly, it is not my faithfulness but His that guarantees the outcome of a situation. Too often I rely on my own sufficiency and must be reminded that only He is all-sufficient. I can't force something He hasn't allowed OR screw up something He has. If UnClean is to be published, it will be. I can't mess that up, even if I do fail at blogging, reading books on craft, networking, etc. I can be a good steward of my gift and trust Him and His plan, but nothing rides on my shoulders alone.
Second, I must be asking Him what He has planned for my day, week, month. Maybe something else is more important than item #4 on my list, but if I don't have a humble, open spirit I will view that important thing as an unwelcome interruption and object of frustration rather than as an opportunity.
Third, writing isn't the only thing God has for me. Sometimes I view my call to writing as my CALL. However, it's not the most important ministry/activity in my life; it's one of them. A dear friend recently reminded me of the eternal significance behind my keeping Miss Thing. How convicting. I don't nanny only to pay my bills and fulfill my call to write. Right now, I am called to nanny and write and blog and be a good friend, sister, daughter.
Fourth, no progress isn't really no progress. Even though I didn't edit in January, I was thinking about the novel and making notes. In a similar vein, waiting and being faithful in other areas prepares me for my writing future. (see Lynn's insight on this).
Finally, guilt gets you nowhere. I can't change what was left undone in January, but I can fix my eyes forward and work on my goals for this month.
And that's just what I'm doing.
Guess what?
My writing life is like my life in general, things rarely go as planned.
Only a couple of blog posts marked my progress at the end of the month, and I entered February with no editing completed. But oh, did I have confusion, frustration, and not a little guilt.
As I looked back over my month and my failure at this to-do list, several truths came to mind. I share them with you in the hopes that they'll encourage you in your own frustrating times, writing-centric or not.
First, God is sovereign. If it was His plan for me to do everything on my to-do list, it would get done. But more importantly, it is not my faithfulness but His that guarantees the outcome of a situation. Too often I rely on my own sufficiency and must be reminded that only He is all-sufficient. I can't force something He hasn't allowed OR screw up something He has. If UnClean is to be published, it will be. I can't mess that up, even if I do fail at blogging, reading books on craft, networking, etc. I can be a good steward of my gift and trust Him and His plan, but nothing rides on my shoulders alone.
Second, I must be asking Him what He has planned for my day, week, month. Maybe something else is more important than item #4 on my list, but if I don't have a humble, open spirit I will view that important thing as an unwelcome interruption and object of frustration rather than as an opportunity.
Third, writing isn't the only thing God has for me. Sometimes I view my call to writing as my CALL. However, it's not the most important ministry/activity in my life; it's one of them. A dear friend recently reminded me of the eternal significance behind my keeping Miss Thing. How convicting. I don't nanny only to pay my bills and fulfill my call to write. Right now, I am called to nanny and write and blog and be a good friend, sister, daughter.
Fourth, no progress isn't really no progress. Even though I didn't edit in January, I was thinking about the novel and making notes. In a similar vein, waiting and being faithful in other areas prepares me for my writing future. (see Lynn's insight on this).
Finally, guilt gets you nowhere. I can't change what was left undone in January, but I can fix my eyes forward and work on my goals for this month.
And that's just what I'm doing.
Monday, January 24
The Best Laid Plans
"The best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew," or so Robert Burns wrote in his poem, "To A Mouse."
How true this is for well-intentioned blogging writers as well.
You see I had grand hopes for my productivity in 2011--namely that I would become a cyborg, need only a minimal amount of asleep, and never see my friends but turn out some great fiction, produce three blogs a week, study craft, read other blogs by those more skilled than me, oh, and exercise seven days a week. Ha!
It's time to be realistic. And humble myself. I can't, in my own power, keep up with all that I am "supposed to be doing" in order to have a successful writing life and be 35 pounds lighter by the end of the year.
But I can be disciplined about what I've been given and trust the rest to God. The Most High. The All-Sufficient One. The Sovereign One.
With this in mind, I plan to blog TWO times a week and not three. I will still blog on Mondays and Wednesdays, with the latter being my devotional journey day. Mondays will be for book reviews and writing life updates, and doing this will allow me a little breathing room at the end of each week to sleep and actually see people, so I know you guys will understand. Thanks for being patient with me.
What about you? Are you having to refocus your resolutions?
How true this is for well-intentioned blogging writers as well.
You see I had grand hopes for my productivity in 2011--namely that I would become a cyborg, need only a minimal amount of asleep, and never see my friends but turn out some great fiction, produce three blogs a week, study craft, read other blogs by those more skilled than me, oh, and exercise seven days a week. Ha!
It's time to be realistic. And humble myself. I can't, in my own power, keep up with all that I am "supposed to be doing" in order to have a successful writing life and be 35 pounds lighter by the end of the year.
But I can be disciplined about what I've been given and trust the rest to God. The Most High. The All-Sufficient One. The Sovereign One.
With this in mind, I plan to blog TWO times a week and not three. I will still blog on Mondays and Wednesdays, with the latter being my devotional journey day. Mondays will be for book reviews and writing life updates, and doing this will allow me a little breathing room at the end of each week to sleep and actually see people, so I know you guys will understand. Thanks for being patient with me.
What about you? Are you having to refocus your resolutions?
Wednesday, October 6
Psalm 86
This is both my prayer and the truth I preach to myself right now:
"Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Preserve my life, for I am godly;
save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.
Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.
There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things;
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O LORD,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
and they do not set you before them.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and be gracious to me;
give your strength to your servant,
and save the son of your maidservant.
Show me a sign of your favor,
that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
because you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me."
"Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Preserve my life, for I am godly;
save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.
Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.
There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things;
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O LORD,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
and they do not set you before them.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and be gracious to me;
give your strength to your servant,
and save the son of your maidservant.
Show me a sign of your favor,
that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
because you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me."
Saturday, September 25
Hope Hurts
Why are we so uncomfortable with seeing the deep aches in other women? With admitting our own? Why must we be so ready with a band-aid or distraction?
You know what I mean—a friend is sharing from the deep well of her heart and the immediate response is compassion. The silent reaching out to her. And it is beautiful.
But short-lived.
Within moments, someone rushes in with a silver lining, a call to examine her heart for sin,or a word of advice. We wrap her problem up into a perfect package. We solve the puzzle. We brush over her pain. Or our own.
Why?
Why are we so like Job's friends? Who, to be fair, are better friends than us. They sat in silence for a week with Job before offering their advice (Job 2:12-13). They wept and were without explanations for seven days. Think about that. Seven days and seven nights of sitting in the ashes with a friend. Can we learn to do that? Oh, how I hope we can.
Because grief hurts. Unmet Longings ache. Life makes us groan. Even hope is painful at times.
And that's natural—not the way it should be, but the way it is. Because we live in a fallen world and Jesus has not yet returned to restore all of creation. Romans 8:18-26 tells us that creation itself groans and aches to be realized from the curse. That the earth experiences birth pains. If creation aches and cries out, doesn't it make sense that we would as well?
We do not experience contentment or fulfillment now because we are not meant to. This world is broken. And it is right for us to ache over what is skewed. It is right to hope for Jesus and life as He intends.
We have the hope of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit within as a foretaste, but we act as though any aching should have been abolished upon receiving the Holy Spirit. As though we should not struggle with the suffering we are promised.
But receiving the Holy Spirit actually awakens our eyes to just how broken the world and we are. To how much more we want right relationships, a godly marriage, or freedom from disease. Whether or not we experience the fulfillment of these longings here on earth, we will be more aware of the disparity between what life is and what life should be.
I think that's why hope hurts. To truly hope we have to acknowledge just how deeply we want the fulfillment. And just how broken we will continue to be without it. We want something we cannot see—and cannot control (Rom. 8:24). And even to admit that deepens the longing's ache. Praying about it pokes at the pain. Talking about it causes it to throb. Waiting with patience, as we are commanded to do in Rom. 8:25, hurts. It is easier not to want, to be dead to our longings and to distract ourselves with lesser things.
Because hope is messy. It's raw and rather like childbirth. And while its fulfillment is always worth it, that doesn't lessen the pain. Can you imagine telling a woman in the throes of a 24-hour labor that her pain is really not so bad because she'll have a baby by tomorrow? While that might be true, it is not helpful and it just may get you killed.
Which brings me back to my original questions—Why do we try to fix the problems of our beleaguered friends? Why do we distract ourselves from our true longings? For some of us, we just aren't comfortable with these emotions and we hate that someone is in pain. We want it to go away. For others, I think we speak into it because it is messy and that doesn't fit with our perspective of the Christian's victorious life. Regardless of which reason, most of the time, it's about feeling better and not about serving another person or growing ourselves. I know because I do it. More than I wish I did.
So what should we do? Give into the pain and sit in the ashes forever? Absolutely not. For the woman who has Christ has hope. A day is coming when life will be as it was meant to be—full of joy, contentment, love, security, and LIFE (Rev. 21:4). We must never forget this in our encouragements and prayers.
But, more often that not, we need to enter into the messy aching and groaning, the ash-covered grief, for ourselves and with our friends. We need to sit and be silent and pray and love. We need to acknowledge the pain and how hard it is and may continue to be. We need to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). And ache with those who ache. And get up only when God says to do so.
You know what I mean—a friend is sharing from the deep well of her heart and the immediate response is compassion. The silent reaching out to her. And it is beautiful.
But short-lived.
Within moments, someone rushes in with a silver lining, a call to examine her heart for sin,or a word of advice. We wrap her problem up into a perfect package. We solve the puzzle. We brush over her pain. Or our own.
Why?
Why are we so like Job's friends? Who, to be fair, are better friends than us. They sat in silence for a week with Job before offering their advice (Job 2:12-13). They wept and were without explanations for seven days. Think about that. Seven days and seven nights of sitting in the ashes with a friend. Can we learn to do that? Oh, how I hope we can.
Because grief hurts. Unmet Longings ache. Life makes us groan. Even hope is painful at times.
And that's natural—not the way it should be, but the way it is. Because we live in a fallen world and Jesus has not yet returned to restore all of creation. Romans 8:18-26 tells us that creation itself groans and aches to be realized from the curse. That the earth experiences birth pains. If creation aches and cries out, doesn't it make sense that we would as well?
We do not experience contentment or fulfillment now because we are not meant to. This world is broken. And it is right for us to ache over what is skewed. It is right to hope for Jesus and life as He intends.
We have the hope of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit within as a foretaste, but we act as though any aching should have been abolished upon receiving the Holy Spirit. As though we should not struggle with the suffering we are promised.
But receiving the Holy Spirit actually awakens our eyes to just how broken the world and we are. To how much more we want right relationships, a godly marriage, or freedom from disease. Whether or not we experience the fulfillment of these longings here on earth, we will be more aware of the disparity between what life is and what life should be.
I think that's why hope hurts. To truly hope we have to acknowledge just how deeply we want the fulfillment. And just how broken we will continue to be without it. We want something we cannot see—and cannot control (Rom. 8:24). And even to admit that deepens the longing's ache. Praying about it pokes at the pain. Talking about it causes it to throb. Waiting with patience, as we are commanded to do in Rom. 8:25, hurts. It is easier not to want, to be dead to our longings and to distract ourselves with lesser things.
Because hope is messy. It's raw and rather like childbirth. And while its fulfillment is always worth it, that doesn't lessen the pain. Can you imagine telling a woman in the throes of a 24-hour labor that her pain is really not so bad because she'll have a baby by tomorrow? While that might be true, it is not helpful and it just may get you killed.
Which brings me back to my original questions—Why do we try to fix the problems of our beleaguered friends? Why do we distract ourselves from our true longings? For some of us, we just aren't comfortable with these emotions and we hate that someone is in pain. We want it to go away. For others, I think we speak into it because it is messy and that doesn't fit with our perspective of the Christian's victorious life. Regardless of which reason, most of the time, it's about feeling better and not about serving another person or growing ourselves. I know because I do it. More than I wish I did.
So what should we do? Give into the pain and sit in the ashes forever? Absolutely not. For the woman who has Christ has hope. A day is coming when life will be as it was meant to be—full of joy, contentment, love, security, and LIFE (Rev. 21:4). We must never forget this in our encouragements and prayers.
But, more often that not, we need to enter into the messy aching and groaning, the ash-covered grief, for ourselves and with our friends. We need to sit and be silent and pray and love. We need to acknowledge the pain and how hard it is and may continue to be. We need to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). And ache with those who ache. And get up only when God says to do so.
Monday, September 13
Resting In The Truth
Those of you who are familiar with The Village Church and Matt Chandler know what a year of testing it has been for Matt, his family, and the church. His wife Lauren's post from last week was especially convicting and encouraging to me as I read it.
I hope it will serve to prune your perspective as well:
The Superfluous Shoot
I hope it will serve to prune your perspective as well:
The Superfluous Shoot
Tuesday, July 13
Explaining "The Platform"
After last week's blog post hit facebook, I had several comments asking for more of Abigail's story. Alas, it has not been written...yet.
When I sat down to write Abigail and her platform last week, I wanted to see if I could evoke that feeling we all know so well. That feeling of waiting.
You see, this is a "not yet" season for me. Though I have been blessed with time to write, an encouraging network of writer friends and friends who just love my writing, and a loving and supportive family--I am waiting on the fulfillment of several heart longings. One of which I have been praying about for twelve years now.
You might think that since I have been waiting on this promise for twelve years now, I would be rather good at it. However, I must admit that I am too much like some of the people on Abigail's platform. I don't handle waiting well. I distract myself from these longings instead of taking them to God. I try to fill those voids with other things. And what am I left with? The birth of a deeper emptiness than before.
When will I learn that my voids are made to be filled by and with Him?
What if it takes all of my life to wait well and retrain my instincts?
I can't answer those questions. I do look forward to the day when I will feel those longings start to rise, and my decision will be to take them first to my sovereign, wise, loving Father.
Until that day....
When I sat down to write Abigail and her platform last week, I wanted to see if I could evoke that feeling we all know so well. That feeling of waiting.
You see, this is a "not yet" season for me. Though I have been blessed with time to write, an encouraging network of writer friends and friends who just love my writing, and a loving and supportive family--I am waiting on the fulfillment of several heart longings. One of which I have been praying about for twelve years now.
You might think that since I have been waiting on this promise for twelve years now, I would be rather good at it. However, I must admit that I am too much like some of the people on Abigail's platform. I don't handle waiting well. I distract myself from these longings instead of taking them to God. I try to fill those voids with other things. And what am I left with? The birth of a deeper emptiness than before.
When will I learn that my voids are made to be filled by and with Him?
What if it takes all of my life to wait well and retrain my instincts?
I can't answer those questions. I do look forward to the day when I will feel those longings start to rise, and my decision will be to take them first to my sovereign, wise, loving Father.
Until that day....
Monday, July 5
The Platform
Abigail taped her black pump against the worn, rouge floor and glanced at her blackberry again. The clock over the arch raced forward. And still it wasn't time yet. Her eyes flitted over the others.
Everyone handled this platform differently. The businessman negotiating an earlier departure with an obscene amount of money. The young wife with her arms full of Pier One, Macy's, and Williams-Sonoma bags. The sleeping thirteen year old. The eater. The iPOD blarer. The reader. They were scattered throughout the platform: on benches, in corners, near the edge glancing into the darkness.
They were the same. Resigned to and distracting themselves from the train's absence and hoping for its arrival.
Wind blew into the enclosed space and the sound of clanking tracks grew louder. Everyone leaned forward.
The shiny green engine and passenger car squeaked to a stop as one name flashed over the door. Sighs echoed around her. Abigail huffed. The iPOD kid's name was Jerry Fitzwilliam? He grabbed a worn messenger bag and ran to the doorway, pausing for the retinal identification.
When the train pulled away, the mood darkened on the platform. Actions took on a new fervor. A low-lying fog of despair crept in, and Abigail stared into the familiar face of her blackberry.
When would it be her turn?
And God says, "Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed... those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." (Psalm 34:5,10b)
Everyone handled this platform differently. The businessman negotiating an earlier departure with an obscene amount of money. The young wife with her arms full of Pier One, Macy's, and Williams-Sonoma bags. The sleeping thirteen year old. The eater. The iPOD blarer. The reader. They were scattered throughout the platform: on benches, in corners, near the edge glancing into the darkness.
They were the same. Resigned to and distracting themselves from the train's absence and hoping for its arrival.
Wind blew into the enclosed space and the sound of clanking tracks grew louder. Everyone leaned forward.
The shiny green engine and passenger car squeaked to a stop as one name flashed over the door. Sighs echoed around her. Abigail huffed. The iPOD kid's name was Jerry Fitzwilliam? He grabbed a worn messenger bag and ran to the doorway, pausing for the retinal identification.
When the train pulled away, the mood darkened on the platform. Actions took on a new fervor. A low-lying fog of despair crept in, and Abigail stared into the familiar face of her blackberry.
When would it be her turn?
And God says, "Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed... those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." (Psalm 34:5,10b)
Friday, May 7
If You Were In My Head...
Five months ago, I admitted for the first time that I am an aspiring author. Since then, I have joined a critique group, set aside one day a week to write, and prayed often for God to write His story with my favorite characters (although I think as an author you aren't supposed to have favorites--like parents don't have favorite children!)
Next Sunday will be another first in this journey for me. I'll be attending my first writers' conference, specifically the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (aka BRMCWC). I am excited, terrified, and overwhelmed by the idea.
And if you were in my head this week, it would sound very similar to a blog post from fellow BRMCWC attendee, Lynn Blackburn:
Go ahead, click it. Laugh, shake your head, and then pray for us over-analyzers!
I am fighting anxiety more than I would like to admit. However, in the midst of creating business cards, a career/ministry tagline, and elevator pitch for my current WIP (Work In Progress), God has been faithful to remind me of two truths:
1--He is with me. He goes before me and walks besides me. He upholds me with His right hand (Isa. 41:10, 13).
2--He is sovereign, even over my unpreparedness, lack of experience, and wardrobe. His purposes stand forever (Prov. 19:21).
So with that in mind tonight, I let myself feel only excitement about learning new techniques, gaining inspiration to continue my WIPs, meeting like-minded souls, and being able to do all of this with my best friend and unofficial writing partner, Erynn.
How great is our God!
Next Sunday will be another first in this journey for me. I'll be attending my first writers' conference, specifically the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (aka BRMCWC). I am excited, terrified, and overwhelmed by the idea.
And if you were in my head this week, it would sound very similar to a blog post from fellow BRMCWC attendee, Lynn Blackburn:
Go ahead, click it. Laugh, shake your head, and then pray for us over-analyzers!
I am fighting anxiety more than I would like to admit. However, in the midst of creating business cards, a career/ministry tagline, and elevator pitch for my current WIP (Work In Progress), God has been faithful to remind me of two truths:
1--He is with me. He goes before me and walks besides me. He upholds me with His right hand (Isa. 41:10, 13).
2--He is sovereign, even over my unpreparedness, lack of experience, and wardrobe. His purposes stand forever (Prov. 19:21).
So with that in mind tonight, I let myself feel only excitement about learning new techniques, gaining inspiration to continue my WIPs, meeting like-minded souls, and being able to do all of this with my best friend and unofficial writing partner, Erynn.
How great is our God!
Sunday, April 25
The Idolatry Of Planning
I am a planner. Obsessively so. Anyone who knows me can attest to this fact. I keep a day planner, an itemized budget, a weekly menu and grocery list, and have a "running ticker" of to-do items in my head at all times.
Being able to plan out my life is calming to me. It allows me to see the people I love and complete my other commitments and responsibilities. It gives me peace to mark items off a list.
It is a control issue for me.
Because planning is my way of trying to fight anxiety and take control of a life I often feel overwhelmed or confused by. It can very often be an idol. A revelation God is slowly making plain to me. Yesterday, He used this devotion from Jesus Calling to prick my heart:
"I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation."*
When I read this passage, I felt like God was speaking directly to me because my fear does manifests itself in pulling out the day planner, making a list of people to call, grabbing control where I can. And it does hinder my intimacy with Him. For in those moments that come too often, I am not running to Him.
May I choose today to still myself and remember who God is instead of running to my pen, my phone, or my calendar. I pray the same for you. For when we do this, He will remind us of His truth in Psalm 46:10-11: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
_______________________________________________
*Young, Sarah. Jesus Calling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. p.119.
Being able to plan out my life is calming to me. It allows me to see the people I love and complete my other commitments and responsibilities. It gives me peace to mark items off a list.
It is a control issue for me.
Because planning is my way of trying to fight anxiety and take control of a life I often feel overwhelmed or confused by. It can very often be an idol. A revelation God is slowly making plain to me. Yesterday, He used this devotion from Jesus Calling to prick my heart:
"I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation."*
When I read this passage, I felt like God was speaking directly to me because my fear does manifests itself in pulling out the day planner, making a list of people to call, grabbing control where I can. And it does hinder my intimacy with Him. For in those moments that come too often, I am not running to Him.
May I choose today to still myself and remember who God is instead of running to my pen, my phone, or my calendar. I pray the same for you. For when we do this, He will remind us of His truth in Psalm 46:10-11: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
_______________________________________________
*Young, Sarah. Jesus Calling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. p.119.
Tuesday, October 6
How Has It Been Two Months Already?
How grateful I am for everyone who is praying for me during this season. I know that it's been two months since I last sent a formal update, and the reason for this is that I didn't really know what to pass on to you.
I have spent a little over a month back at South Mountain (near Morganton, NC) with my parents, Hope, and Jacob. This time has given me the flexibility to seek stillness for my heart as I pursue wisdom about what is the next step God would have me take. My family has been incredibly supportive, and the time “on the mountain” has definitely been good for me. I have begun volunteering one day a week with a local housing ministry to homeless families and will also be working for Family Christian Stores through the holidays. Both of these opportunities allow me to serve the community and fill my time so, hopefully, I am less likely to be lazy. God has also given me a Bible Study to attend on Wednesday nights which has been such a sweet time of fellowship and praise with people my own age. I am very thankful for the many opportunities God has given me during this season.
As for what is next? I am not sure. Moving to Tampa has been put "on hold". God has brought some heart issues to light, and I am praying through those, studying His Word to seek wisdom, and talking through them with both the team and my family. My tendency is to run on ahead if only God will point me in a direction, but God has stilled me completely in the last month and a half. I would love to share specifics and details and plans, but I believe that God would have me be still and silent until He speaks. As I've been reading through Nehemiah in my quiet time, I have been convicted not only by the amount of time Nehemiah spent praying through what God laid on his heart, but also by his silence until God had clearly provided for and instructed him on the fullness of the project. I am so quick to want to garner feedback, ask for opinions, etc.
So for now, I ask for your prayers and your trust that I will share more once God has been clear about what He wants. Please pray that I will be humble and stand SILENT as long as I need to. Please pray that I will have the wisdom to discern His voice and His hand in these circumstances. Please pray that I would be faithful to make progress in the areas where He has already spoken.
I am grateful for each one of you; thank you for investing in and loving me--you are a blessed privilege and responsibility.
I have spent a little over a month back at South Mountain (near Morganton, NC) with my parents, Hope, and Jacob. This time has given me the flexibility to seek stillness for my heart as I pursue wisdom about what is the next step God would have me take. My family has been incredibly supportive, and the time “on the mountain” has definitely been good for me. I have begun volunteering one day a week with a local housing ministry to homeless families and will also be working for Family Christian Stores through the holidays. Both of these opportunities allow me to serve the community and fill my time so, hopefully, I am less likely to be lazy. God has also given me a Bible Study to attend on Wednesday nights which has been such a sweet time of fellowship and praise with people my own age. I am very thankful for the many opportunities God has given me during this season.
As for what is next? I am not sure. Moving to Tampa has been put "on hold". God has brought some heart issues to light, and I am praying through those, studying His Word to seek wisdom, and talking through them with both the team and my family. My tendency is to run on ahead if only God will point me in a direction, but God has stilled me completely in the last month and a half. I would love to share specifics and details and plans, but I believe that God would have me be still and silent until He speaks. As I've been reading through Nehemiah in my quiet time, I have been convicted not only by the amount of time Nehemiah spent praying through what God laid on his heart, but also by his silence until God had clearly provided for and instructed him on the fullness of the project. I am so quick to want to garner feedback, ask for opinions, etc.
So for now, I ask for your prayers and your trust that I will share more once God has been clear about what He wants. Please pray that I will be humble and stand SILENT as long as I need to. Please pray that I will have the wisdom to discern His voice and His hand in these circumstances. Please pray that I would be faithful to make progress in the areas where He has already spoken.
I am grateful for each one of you; thank you for investing in and loving me--you are a blessed privilege and responsibility.
Sunday, August 2
Moving Forward...
"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in You." Psalm 33:20-22
Thank you all for your patience in hearing from me! I planned to update after my visit to Tampa but became sick the day after I got home. I was able to return to work this last week and am definitely feeling more normal today. How was my trip? Beautiful, confusing, and overwhelming all at the same time! I had the privilege of sitting down with each member of the team during my stay, and hearing their hearts was so enlightening even if I didn't finish processing these conversations until I was home and sick on my couch. This non-processing was the overwhelming element of the trip. However, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in fellowship with the Perrys and Tuckers, especially during missional community (Bible study and accountability) and Abigail's birthday party. That was definitely a treat. :) I also had the opportunity to spend a day driving around Tampa by myself, and--surprise--I didn't get lost once! I can definitely see myself living in Tampa with its beautiful bay and eclectic neighborhoods; Davis Islands was a particular favorite, and I was even encouraged by the people that struck up a conversation with me in Panera and a local coffee shop. So, all in all, I would say that it was a good trip.
"And where does that leave you?" you might ask. Well,...
*This coming week will be my last at InQuest Ministries. I will be frantically attempting to finish writing a step-by-step manual of how to do my job (as I was unable to finish training Ronda because I got sick). During the evenings, this week I will be seeing a couple friends, helping Pregnancy Support Services move to their new office, going to small group, running errands and paying bills, and job hunting.
*For all of next week (August 8-15), I will be volunteering at South Mountain Baptist Camp, spending time with my immediate family, seeing extended family, and saying goodbyes to friends there. I will be at Burkemont on Sunday, August 9th.
*During the week of August 16-23, I will be back in Wake Forest job hunting, packing up my apartment, and sayings goodbyes. On Sunday, August 16th, I will worship at Faith. I'll be back at small group on August 20th and at North Wake on August 23rd.
*For the week of August 24th, I will be moving.... I'm just not sure where yet. If I have a job in Tampa, I'll be headed down there. If I don't have a job, I will either be moving in with the Newmans or my parents, as both families have graciously offered me a place to lay my head until I do find a job and can move to Florida.
With all this in mind, I quoted Psalm 33:20-22 at the beginning of this post, and I pray that it would be the attitude of my heart as I pray for the team, the other core group families, and myself. In the midst of moving forward without definite plans, I pray that we would truly wait on the Lord. I am so prone either to make a plan and complete it without resting in God's provision or to become anxious and do nothing. I pray that we would remember Who it is we serve and trust Him as our help and our shield. I pray that our hearts would not be anxious or full of man-made plans but glad in Him as we choose to trust in His name. And I pray that His steadfast love would be over all of us as we hope in Him and in what only He can do!
Finally, I wanted to say that I have been so grateful for each note and e-mail you've sent as well as the many prayers you have lifted up on my behalf. During this next month, I covet your prayers for the following:
1-My heart. As I mentioned above, I am struggling with choosing not to be anxious, discouraged, or consumed by these preparations. Please pray that I would trust God's timing and provision, seek Him at every turn, and submit to whatever He has planned.
2-A Job. As I will be living on savings from August 8th on, please pray that God would quickly provide a job in Tampa which will be strategic for the Kingdom and provide for my needs in the city. I was able to apply for a position with one of the universities yesterday; this job opportunity is especially exciting to me. Please pray for favor with the human resources staff if this would be God's will. Please also pray for discernment as I seek out other job possibilities and carve out the time to apply for them.
3-Provision of a van/truck. Although I have made plans to sell some of my larger possessions, the use of a van or truck to transport my belongings to Tampa would be such a blessing. My family and I plan to use our cars currently unless something else becomes available as the cost of renting a vehicle would outweigh the value of the items we are moving.
4-Provision of $900. Being sick and out of work this month paired with several unexpected costs (like the replacement of my glasses) leaves me short this amount for moving expenses, the first month's rent, etc. Please pray that God would provide for these expenses before I begin the official transition.
Thank you each for your prayers and support. I will try to keep you updated in a more timely manner as the month progresses!
Thank you all for your patience in hearing from me! I planned to update after my visit to Tampa but became sick the day after I got home. I was able to return to work this last week and am definitely feeling more normal today. How was my trip? Beautiful, confusing, and overwhelming all at the same time! I had the privilege of sitting down with each member of the team during my stay, and hearing their hearts was so enlightening even if I didn't finish processing these conversations until I was home and sick on my couch. This non-processing was the overwhelming element of the trip. However, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in fellowship with the Perrys and Tuckers, especially during missional community (Bible study and accountability) and Abigail's birthday party. That was definitely a treat. :) I also had the opportunity to spend a day driving around Tampa by myself, and--surprise--I didn't get lost once! I can definitely see myself living in Tampa with its beautiful bay and eclectic neighborhoods; Davis Islands was a particular favorite, and I was even encouraged by the people that struck up a conversation with me in Panera and a local coffee shop. So, all in all, I would say that it was a good trip.
"And where does that leave you?" you might ask. Well,...
*This coming week will be my last at InQuest Ministries. I will be frantically attempting to finish writing a step-by-step manual of how to do my job (as I was unable to finish training Ronda because I got sick). During the evenings, this week I will be seeing a couple friends, helping Pregnancy Support Services move to their new office, going to small group, running errands and paying bills, and job hunting.
*For all of next week (August 8-15), I will be volunteering at South Mountain Baptist Camp, spending time with my immediate family, seeing extended family, and saying goodbyes to friends there. I will be at Burkemont on Sunday, August 9th.
*During the week of August 16-23, I will be back in Wake Forest job hunting, packing up my apartment, and sayings goodbyes. On Sunday, August 16th, I will worship at Faith. I'll be back at small group on August 20th and at North Wake on August 23rd.
*For the week of August 24th, I will be moving.... I'm just not sure where yet. If I have a job in Tampa, I'll be headed down there. If I don't have a job, I will either be moving in with the Newmans or my parents, as both families have graciously offered me a place to lay my head until I do find a job and can move to Florida.
With all this in mind, I quoted Psalm 33:20-22 at the beginning of this post, and I pray that it would be the attitude of my heart as I pray for the team, the other core group families, and myself. In the midst of moving forward without definite plans, I pray that we would truly wait on the Lord. I am so prone either to make a plan and complete it without resting in God's provision or to become anxious and do nothing. I pray that we would remember Who it is we serve and trust Him as our help and our shield. I pray that our hearts would not be anxious or full of man-made plans but glad in Him as we choose to trust in His name. And I pray that His steadfast love would be over all of us as we hope in Him and in what only He can do!
Finally, I wanted to say that I have been so grateful for each note and e-mail you've sent as well as the many prayers you have lifted up on my behalf. During this next month, I covet your prayers for the following:
1-My heart. As I mentioned above, I am struggling with choosing not to be anxious, discouraged, or consumed by these preparations. Please pray that I would trust God's timing and provision, seek Him at every turn, and submit to whatever He has planned.
2-A Job. As I will be living on savings from August 8th on, please pray that God would quickly provide a job in Tampa which will be strategic for the Kingdom and provide for my needs in the city. I was able to apply for a position with one of the universities yesterday; this job opportunity is especially exciting to me. Please pray for favor with the human resources staff if this would be God's will. Please also pray for discernment as I seek out other job possibilities and carve out the time to apply for them.
3-Provision of a van/truck. Although I have made plans to sell some of my larger possessions, the use of a van or truck to transport my belongings to Tampa would be such a blessing. My family and I plan to use our cars currently unless something else becomes available as the cost of renting a vehicle would outweigh the value of the items we are moving.
4-Provision of $900. Being sick and out of work this month paired with several unexpected costs (like the replacement of my glasses) leaves me short this amount for moving expenses, the first month's rent, etc. Please pray that God would provide for these expenses before I begin the official transition.
Thank you each for your prayers and support. I will try to keep you updated in a more timely manner as the month progresses!
Friday, June 26
A New Opportunity To Stand Still
How quick I am to want to make a plan, explain my reasoning, argue my case, etc. So begins my Tampa update....
In May, the Perrys and Tuckers moved to Tampa; already, we have been given opportunities to rejoice over the hearts God prepared before their arrival. Both couples have had the opportunity to build relationships with neighbors, business contacts, and moms who are, at the very least, eager to get to know the team and be known by them. I am so excited about the men and women God has given Justin, Jackey, Drew, and Jessi to love.
Excited enough that I began counting down the days until my arrival! After all, I visit in less than a month, and my job here in Wake Forest ends 19 days later. With the timeline under 2 months, the discussions about my move have taken on a more technical nature. During one of these discussions, it became apparent that the team had not been aware that I was planning on moving regardless of whether or not I had found a job. This fact has made both families concerned on my behalf. I know they love me and want to know they are giving the best counsel possible. It is because of this concern that they have talked about the idea of me not coming until I have secured a job.
I must confess that I have been discouraged because this shift would change a lot of my plans as it is not an option to remain on the payroll at InQuest or in my apartment with Lauren. Everyone is praying that God would give us discernment about the timing of my move.
One thing I do know--God is sovereign and has not been caught by surprise at this situation. He has continually prompted me to submit to whatever His decision would be. I do not wish to be impatient. I believe He has offered me another opportunity to stand still and wait on Him. And I truly do not wish to be like the Israelites who ran after other rescuers and plans because God was not acting in the time period they thought He should (Isa. 30:1-5). I pray, and would ask you to pray, that I would wait on Him not only for when I am to move to Tampa but also for when I am to know when I'm going to Tampa. I pray that my attitude would be that of Isaiah 30:15, 18: "For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength'.... Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."
I am grateful for each one of you who has promised to pray with me, and I apologize that I have not been as faithful in updating you as I should have been! Over the next several weeks, would you pray:
1-That God would be glorified above all else.
2-That I would submit to our Heavenly Father and the team.
3-That Justin, Drew, Jackey, and Jessi would have great discernment as to how to counsel me.
Until He moves....
In May, the Perrys and Tuckers moved to Tampa; already, we have been given opportunities to rejoice over the hearts God prepared before their arrival. Both couples have had the opportunity to build relationships with neighbors, business contacts, and moms who are, at the very least, eager to get to know the team and be known by them. I am so excited about the men and women God has given Justin, Jackey, Drew, and Jessi to love.
Excited enough that I began counting down the days until my arrival! After all, I visit in less than a month, and my job here in Wake Forest ends 19 days later. With the timeline under 2 months, the discussions about my move have taken on a more technical nature. During one of these discussions, it became apparent that the team had not been aware that I was planning on moving regardless of whether or not I had found a job. This fact has made both families concerned on my behalf. I know they love me and want to know they are giving the best counsel possible. It is because of this concern that they have talked about the idea of me not coming until I have secured a job.
I must confess that I have been discouraged because this shift would change a lot of my plans as it is not an option to remain on the payroll at InQuest or in my apartment with Lauren. Everyone is praying that God would give us discernment about the timing of my move.
One thing I do know--God is sovereign and has not been caught by surprise at this situation. He has continually prompted me to submit to whatever His decision would be. I do not wish to be impatient. I believe He has offered me another opportunity to stand still and wait on Him. And I truly do not wish to be like the Israelites who ran after other rescuers and plans because God was not acting in the time period they thought He should (Isa. 30:1-5). I pray, and would ask you to pray, that I would wait on Him not only for when I am to move to Tampa but also for when I am to know when I'm going to Tampa. I pray that my attitude would be that of Isaiah 30:15, 18: "For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength'.... Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."
I am grateful for each one of you who has promised to pray with me, and I apologize that I have not been as faithful in updating you as I should have been! Over the next several weeks, would you pray:
1-That God would be glorified above all else.
2-That I would submit to our Heavenly Father and the team.
3-That Justin, Drew, Jackey, and Jessi would have great discernment as to how to counsel me.
Until He moves....
Wednesday, April 8
Wait For The Lord
I am so thankful that God works through some of my ordinary activities! For example, I like to have some kind of "noise" on in the background as I work, especially when I work alone. So, Monday I visited John Piper's Desiring God to find a sermon to listen to; I wasn't feeling too strongly about any particular sermon, so I decided to listen to the featured sermon God Works For Those Who Wait For Him. God used it to speak graciously to my heart; it was something I absolutely needed to hear. I was humbled by just how perfectly this message fit my current situation.
So I wonder, "In what part of your life do you need God to move? Is there a financial, emotional, relational, physical, or spiritual circumstance which is out of your control or beyond your understanding?" I pray that you would be encouraged by God's promise and the notes below:
Isaiah 64:4 says, "From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for Him."
Our God, the one true God, is unique, unlike any other god man has created (v4a), because He carries us (Isa. 46:1-4) and exalts (lifts up) Himself to show us mercy (Isa. 30:18). Piper said, "He magnifies His greatness by condescending to serve us." What a humbling thought.
Our God is competent--He will not, cannot, fail at anything He plans (Isa: 46:9-10), and He plans to provide for all our needs (Phil. 4:19).
Our God works for those who wait. (In one sense He works for everyone, see Mt. 5:45; however, He moves in a wider and deeper scale for His children). So the questions remains, "If God works for those who wait, how do we wait?" Piper noted three ways to wait, which I found incredibly helpful (i.e., practical):
First, resist the temptation to go elsewhere for help or counsel; do not be like the Israelites who looked to other people, nations, and gods for help (Isa. 31:1; Ps. 106:13) Instead, PRAY. Seek His counsel first. At every interval, stop and pray. Ask what He would have (Ps. 55:22, Phil. 4:5-7, 1 Th. 5:17, 1 Pt. 5:6-7).
Second, BE STILL. Rest and trust in His strength (Is. 30:15-17), and stand still in quietness (Ex. 14:13-14). Watch Him move on your behalf. Regardless of the fact that "a lot rests on you, your zeal or preparedness," He may want you to sit down and let Him work so that He gets the glory!
Third, ACT. Get up. Fight. Act (2 Sam. 5:19). This is not an end to the waiting. This is acting in expectancy of His movement, knowing that without His movement your acting will be in vain (Pr. 21:31; Ps. 33:16-22; Ps. 127:1). The victory is still His!
Dear friends, I would encourage you that "The final result of all we do lies in the hands of God" (Piper). He will work His good plan and sanctification in our lives. He will bring Himself glory through us. He has given us His Son; "how will he not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (Rom. 8:32). These are sure promises. Wait on Him.
So I wonder, "In what part of your life do you need God to move? Is there a financial, emotional, relational, physical, or spiritual circumstance which is out of your control or beyond your understanding?" I pray that you would be encouraged by God's promise and the notes below:
Isaiah 64:4 says, "From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for Him."
Our God, the one true God, is unique, unlike any other god man has created (v4a), because He carries us (Isa. 46:1-4) and exalts (lifts up) Himself to show us mercy (Isa. 30:18). Piper said, "He magnifies His greatness by condescending to serve us." What a humbling thought.
Our God is competent--He will not, cannot, fail at anything He plans (Isa: 46:9-10), and He plans to provide for all our needs (Phil. 4:19).
Our God works for those who wait. (In one sense He works for everyone, see Mt. 5:45; however, He moves in a wider and deeper scale for His children). So the questions remains, "If God works for those who wait, how do we wait?" Piper noted three ways to wait, which I found incredibly helpful (i.e., practical):
First, resist the temptation to go elsewhere for help or counsel; do not be like the Israelites who looked to other people, nations, and gods for help (Isa. 31:1; Ps. 106:13) Instead, PRAY. Seek His counsel first. At every interval, stop and pray. Ask what He would have (Ps. 55:22, Phil. 4:5-7, 1 Th. 5:17, 1 Pt. 5:6-7).
Second, BE STILL. Rest and trust in His strength (Is. 30:15-17), and stand still in quietness (Ex. 14:13-14). Watch Him move on your behalf. Regardless of the fact that "a lot rests on you, your zeal or preparedness," He may want you to sit down and let Him work so that He gets the glory!
Third, ACT. Get up. Fight. Act (2 Sam. 5:19). This is not an end to the waiting. This is acting in expectancy of His movement, knowing that without His movement your acting will be in vain (Pr. 21:31; Ps. 33:16-22; Ps. 127:1). The victory is still His!
Dear friends, I would encourage you that "The final result of all we do lies in the hands of God" (Piper). He will work His good plan and sanctification in our lives. He will bring Himself glory through us. He has given us His Son; "how will he not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (Rom. 8:32). These are sure promises. Wait on Him.
Friday, March 6
Joining God in Tampa
I feel like I must acknowledge and apologize for the fact that it's been 3 months since I've updated. There's really no excuse for it, but I am going to take this post to let you know what I've been up to for the last 3 months! Does that help? :)
In October of last year, I was given the privilege of covenanting with Jessi, a dear friend, to pray for her, her husband, and the Perrys as they began to transition towards planting a church in Tampa, FL. As I prayed for the team, I was overwhelmed time and again by the way God was flinging open doors for them. We were clearly seeing God move on behalf of His Church and how humbling that was. Psalm 27:13 says, "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!", and I began to identify this verse with our meetings.
As I prayed, God prompted me to pray more, look for ways to serve the Tuckers and Perrys, and plan to give financially towards their support. With each step, God gave me an incredible joy in obedience. He has been so gracious to allow me to watch Him move in my friends' lives and for Tampa.
However, it didn't feel like enough. I wanted to do more. And so I began praying that God would allow me the opportunity to join the team in Tampa and serve them there. I can be prone to jump ahead of God with an idea, so I wanted to take my time praying before speaking with anyone. For a month and a half, I prayed without letting anyone know that I was considering it, and God only grew my desire to go with the team. God reminded me that loving the Perrys and Tuckers was not enough of a reason to go, and I began praying that He would allow me to have an affection for the students, moms, exotic dancers, baristas, assistants, and other women in Tampa so that I could like Paul say, "So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us" (1 Th. 2:8). Without even knowing the women in Tampa, I can tell you I am already praying for them often and long to love them as salt and light in a dark city. At the time I was praying, I didn't know how the team would feel about my coming but had pretty much decided to go regardless. :)
I let my parents and Lauren, my roommate, know what I was praying and asked them to pray as well for a month without talking to me about it. They did so. During this time, I began reading through Matthew in my quiet times and Jesus' call to "Follow Me" and the emphasis on God's sovereignty in calling the nations only deepened my desire to be where I knew He was working. Matthew 4 was especially convicting as the disciples immediately got up and followed Jesus; I mulled over the ESV Study Bible's notes for verses 18-19: "These brothers had been followers of Jesus for about a year...but apparently had returned for a time to their normal work.... Jesus calls them to abandon their ordinary occupations...and accompany him full-time." It reminded me that Jesus has called me full-time--all of my life must revolve around Him and His mission. I began sensing this when I returned from Venezuela two years ago, prompting a change of jobs so that I could spend more of my time volunteering and with my sisters in Christ. It wasn't enough.
After praying, Lauren gave me her complete and joy-filled blessing. According to her, she wasn't surprised and she wanted me to leave whenever I wanted to; (my name isn't on our lease, and she let me move in with her as a blessing to me and not because she needed a roommate--now I see God's orchestration even in this). My parents gave their cautious but affirming approval. (This is, after all, a bad time to move without a job because of the economy, and I will be the only member of my family on both sides who lives outside of NC).
In the next several weeks, I had the opportunity to tell both Jessi (Tucker) and Jackey Perry about my desire to move to Tampa in order to be a core group member for the church. The team as a whole has been excited and incredibly supportive. I respect these couples greatly and am looking forward to serving them in Tampa, and to have their encouragement has been so affirming. As I told the women in my small group and my girl friends, the response was overwhelmingly a lack of surprise and support for something we have been praying about for 2 years now. (After a year and a half of feeling like I was living life in a "holding pattern" without knowing what I was "holding" for, God has given me direction towards church planting, an area I've been praying about since May of 2007). When I look back over the notebook I put together when I first starting praying about church planting and full-time missional ministry, I can lay Covenant Life Church's information beside it and they match almost exactly. Praise the Lord! God has allowed me to partner with a team I've been praying for since the summer of 2007.
At this time, it was looking like I would not be able to move until January of 2010, a month which seemed entirely too far away. I began praying that God would free my commitments and the finances to allow me to move in August before the college students at the University of Tampa arrived for their next semester. In late January, God led me to 2 Corinthians 8-9 and Matthew 6:19-34; 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." As I meditated on these passages and read Randy Alcorn's The Treasure Principle, God challenged me to abound in every good work here and trust Him to take care of the means to live in Tampa. And how gracious He's been to do just that. During the last month, God has providentially freed almost $4000 that I can now commit towards getting to and living in Tampa, which means that I can and am planning to move in August.
Since December of 2006, God has said to me, "Wait. Wait on me. Wait for Me to move." And He is moving in Tampa. One of the principles from Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God that comes often to mind now is look for where God is working and join Him there. I am almost without words (seriously) that He is choosing to let me live and work in Tampa-a city full of people that desperately need Jesus, and He is "turning ground" to give them Himself. God has been preparing Tampa for His presence in a new way, and I am excited and nervous and so grateful that I will be able to be there in the city as He moves!
Praise the Lord for He is good and His love endures forever! Praise the Lord.
In the coming months, I will be posting updates and prayer requests here for me and the team and covet your prayers as I step out into this new season with God.
If you would like more information about Covenant Life Church and/or Tampa, I would encourage you to visit: Covenant Life's website.
In October of last year, I was given the privilege of covenanting with Jessi, a dear friend, to pray for her, her husband, and the Perrys as they began to transition towards planting a church in Tampa, FL. As I prayed for the team, I was overwhelmed time and again by the way God was flinging open doors for them. We were clearly seeing God move on behalf of His Church and how humbling that was. Psalm 27:13 says, "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!", and I began to identify this verse with our meetings.
As I prayed, God prompted me to pray more, look for ways to serve the Tuckers and Perrys, and plan to give financially towards their support. With each step, God gave me an incredible joy in obedience. He has been so gracious to allow me to watch Him move in my friends' lives and for Tampa.
However, it didn't feel like enough. I wanted to do more. And so I began praying that God would allow me the opportunity to join the team in Tampa and serve them there. I can be prone to jump ahead of God with an idea, so I wanted to take my time praying before speaking with anyone. For a month and a half, I prayed without letting anyone know that I was considering it, and God only grew my desire to go with the team. God reminded me that loving the Perrys and Tuckers was not enough of a reason to go, and I began praying that He would allow me to have an affection for the students, moms, exotic dancers, baristas, assistants, and other women in Tampa so that I could like Paul say, "So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us" (1 Th. 2:8). Without even knowing the women in Tampa, I can tell you I am already praying for them often and long to love them as salt and light in a dark city. At the time I was praying, I didn't know how the team would feel about my coming but had pretty much decided to go regardless. :)
I let my parents and Lauren, my roommate, know what I was praying and asked them to pray as well for a month without talking to me about it. They did so. During this time, I began reading through Matthew in my quiet times and Jesus' call to "Follow Me" and the emphasis on God's sovereignty in calling the nations only deepened my desire to be where I knew He was working. Matthew 4 was especially convicting as the disciples immediately got up and followed Jesus; I mulled over the ESV Study Bible's notes for verses 18-19: "These brothers had been followers of Jesus for about a year...but apparently had returned for a time to their normal work.... Jesus calls them to abandon their ordinary occupations...and accompany him full-time." It reminded me that Jesus has called me full-time--all of my life must revolve around Him and His mission. I began sensing this when I returned from Venezuela two years ago, prompting a change of jobs so that I could spend more of my time volunteering and with my sisters in Christ. It wasn't enough.
After praying, Lauren gave me her complete and joy-filled blessing. According to her, she wasn't surprised and she wanted me to leave whenever I wanted to; (my name isn't on our lease, and she let me move in with her as a blessing to me and not because she needed a roommate--now I see God's orchestration even in this). My parents gave their cautious but affirming approval. (This is, after all, a bad time to move without a job because of the economy, and I will be the only member of my family on both sides who lives outside of NC).
In the next several weeks, I had the opportunity to tell both Jessi (Tucker) and Jackey Perry about my desire to move to Tampa in order to be a core group member for the church. The team as a whole has been excited and incredibly supportive. I respect these couples greatly and am looking forward to serving them in Tampa, and to have their encouragement has been so affirming. As I told the women in my small group and my girl friends, the response was overwhelmingly a lack of surprise and support for something we have been praying about for 2 years now. (After a year and a half of feeling like I was living life in a "holding pattern" without knowing what I was "holding" for, God has given me direction towards church planting, an area I've been praying about since May of 2007). When I look back over the notebook I put together when I first starting praying about church planting and full-time missional ministry, I can lay Covenant Life Church's information beside it and they match almost exactly. Praise the Lord! God has allowed me to partner with a team I've been praying for since the summer of 2007.
At this time, it was looking like I would not be able to move until January of 2010, a month which seemed entirely too far away. I began praying that God would free my commitments and the finances to allow me to move in August before the college students at the University of Tampa arrived for their next semester. In late January, God led me to 2 Corinthians 8-9 and Matthew 6:19-34; 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." As I meditated on these passages and read Randy Alcorn's The Treasure Principle, God challenged me to abound in every good work here and trust Him to take care of the means to live in Tampa. And how gracious He's been to do just that. During the last month, God has providentially freed almost $4000 that I can now commit towards getting to and living in Tampa, which means that I can and am planning to move in August.
Since December of 2006, God has said to me, "Wait. Wait on me. Wait for Me to move." And He is moving in Tampa. One of the principles from Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God that comes often to mind now is look for where God is working and join Him there. I am almost without words (seriously) that He is choosing to let me live and work in Tampa-a city full of people that desperately need Jesus, and He is "turning ground" to give them Himself. God has been preparing Tampa for His presence in a new way, and I am excited and nervous and so grateful that I will be able to be there in the city as He moves!
Praise the Lord for He is good and His love endures forever! Praise the Lord.
In the coming months, I will be posting updates and prayer requests here for me and the team and covet your prayers as I step out into this new season with God.
If you would like more information about Covenant Life Church and/or Tampa, I would encourage you to visit: Covenant Life's website.
Monday, December 1
A Day To Be Still
A Journal Entry from November 13, 2008:
As I write this, I am sitting on a cushy, queen-sized bed in a Bed & Breakfast during my two day vacation. I already feel like two days just isn't enough. Last night, I left from work and arrived at the Bed & Breakfast around 7 p.m. I took a nice hot bath including a spearmint eucalyptus sugar scrub I've owned for years and brought with me. By 8:45, I was in a bed that I can lay in without some portion of my body hanging off of (and for someone who has problems getting comfortable because of her back you can imagine how delighted I was about that). I listened to my iPod for the first time in over a year and read a chapter in a book that has been sitting on my shelf for two years.
This morning I awoke to breakfast prepared by my hostess--breakfast consisted of hot tea and a pecanbelgium
After doing some writing this afternoon, I'm going to head across the street to a coffeeshop/cafe that has live jazz on Thursday nights. How I love locally owned cafes. I absolutely wish that I didn't have to head back toRaleigh
By this point, you might be asking yourself, "Why the play-by-play?" Especially because this is unlike most of the other entries I've posted. Well, hang on, there is a purpose.
I realized that some of these activities (the pampering bath supplies, the iPod, the book) I have had in my possession for YEARS now. Why has it taken me this long to take advantage of them? I think partially it's because at home I'm so caught up in my routine I don't make the time for them. I often forget just how much I love to curl up with a good book or listen to my own music or spend 15 extra minutes getting ready in the morning until I do it.
Most everyone I know is busy. All the time. We wonder when it's going to slow down, and I honestly believe it won't unless we purposefully MAKE it slow down (if only for 15 minutes a day). Now I'm not advocating leaving an activity of serving or a responsibility so you can soak in your garden tub for 45 minutes each day.
However, I would ask--when was the last time you made life slow down? You took a morning, a day, a weekend to relax, to be refreshed, to be still and aware of your many blessings. I have stopped often in the last 12 hours and thanked God for soft sheets, hot tea, and silence. When was the last time you took the time to stop and be alone with your Creator and study the Word. I mean really be alone and study Him (this activity takes time). Before this weekend, I honestly could not remember. I realize not everyone can take two days and leave town to be still, but I would encourage you to find a morning or afternoon to stop the craziness, be refreshed, and come into His presence knowing you don't have to rush right back out again in a certain number of minutes.
I also wonder, "If I am so caught up in my day to day routine that I don't even take a moment to read a chapter in a book that I like, am I hearing my Savior's 'still small voice' in the midst of my routine?"
This morning I awoke to breakfast prepared by my hostess--breakfast consisted of hot tea and a pecan
After doing some writing this afternoon, I'm going to head across the street to a coffeeshop/cafe that has live jazz on Thursday nights. How I love locally owned cafes. I absolutely wish that I didn't have to head back to
By this point, you might be asking yourself, "Why the play-by-play?" Especially because this is unlike most of the other entries I've posted. Well, hang on, there is a purpose.
I realized that some of these activities (the pampering bath supplies, the iPod, the book) I have had in my possession for YEARS now. Why has it taken me this long to take advantage of them? I think partially it's because at home I'm so caught up in my routine I don't make the time for them. I often forget just how much I love to curl up with a good book or listen to my own music or spend 15 extra minutes getting ready in the morning until I do it.
Most everyone I know is busy. All the time. We wonder when it's going to slow down, and I honestly believe it won't unless we purposefully MAKE it slow down (if only for 15 minutes a day). Now I'm not advocating leaving an activity of serving or a responsibility so you can soak in your garden tub for 45 minutes each day.
However, I would ask--when was the last time you made life slow down? You took a morning, a day, a weekend to relax, to be refreshed, to be still and aware of your many blessings. I have stopped often in the last 12 hours and thanked God for soft sheets, hot tea, and silence. When was the last time you took the time to stop and be alone with your Creator and study the Word. I mean really be alone and study Him (this activity takes time). Before this weekend, I honestly could not remember. I realize not everyone can take two days and leave town to be still, but I would encourage you to find a morning or afternoon to stop the craziness, be refreshed, and come into His presence knowing you don't have to rush right back out again in a certain number of minutes.
I also wonder, "If I am so caught up in my day to day routine that I don't even take a moment to read a chapter in a book that I like, am I hearing my Savior's 'still small voice' in the midst of my routine?"
- Am I truly aware of when He would ask me to step out of it and come away with Him?
- Do I hear him call me to encourage someone that I haven't "scheduled" into my daytimer? And do I obey gladly or do I view this opportunity as an interruption, an unneeded and unwanted aberration?
- Can I even hear him telling me how I am to be obedient in that routine? Or am I simply going through the motions?
These are the questions I ponder.
May I never stop seeking His rest. May I strive against getting caught up in my own plans and schedule so that I can be avidly listening for His voice and ready to obey for His glory. I pray the same for you.
May I never stop seeking His rest. May I strive against getting caught up in my own plans and schedule so that I can be avidly listening for His voice and ready to obey for His glory. I pray the same for you.
Thursday, July 10
Sitting Still
Luke 10:38-42 ESV"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."
I don't do stillness well. And if God has been teaching me anything for the last year and a half, it is to STAND STILL. Graciously, patiently, firmly, sternly, tenderly, He has said "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This is definitely a lesson I need to learn because I am often "distracted by all the preparations that have to be made" (as the NIV words verse 40).
What does that distraction lead to? Being anxious and troubled. Often.
Yet, I am constantly humbled by just how merciful Jesus' response is to Martha. Instead of a harsh rebuke, He gets her attention by calling her name and reminding her of what's important: sitting at His feet as He speaks. How often I miss the one necessary thing in the midst of all I think needs to be done.
What is He saying?
Sit at My feet. Wait upon the Lord. Be still. Wait for the Lord. Stand firm and be silent. For this is the one necessary thing. This cannot be taken away from you.
I am challenged by this call. I am intrigued by the times it is referenced in His Word. I also have many questions. What does it look like to be still? Why should I be still? When should I be still? What are the blessings of stillness or the consequences of running ahead? How am I to be still in the midst of His call?
Even the answers must come from Him in His time. As I dig in His Word and wait for Him to bring wisdom.
I don't do stillness well. And if God has been teaching me anything for the last year and a half, it is to STAND STILL. Graciously, patiently, firmly, sternly, tenderly, He has said "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This is definitely a lesson I need to learn because I am often "distracted by all the preparations that have to be made" (as the NIV words verse 40).
What does that distraction lead to? Being anxious and troubled. Often.
Yet, I am constantly humbled by just how merciful Jesus' response is to Martha. Instead of a harsh rebuke, He gets her attention by calling her name and reminding her of what's important: sitting at His feet as He speaks. How often I miss the one necessary thing in the midst of all I think needs to be done.
What is He saying?
Sit at My feet. Wait upon the Lord. Be still. Wait for the Lord. Stand firm and be silent. For this is the one necessary thing. This cannot be taken away from you.
I am challenged by this call. I am intrigued by the times it is referenced in His Word. I also have many questions. What does it look like to be still? Why should I be still? When should I be still? What are the blessings of stillness or the consequences of running ahead? How am I to be still in the midst of His call?
Even the answers must come from Him in His time. As I dig in His Word and wait for Him to bring wisdom.
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