A 360 Degree Makeover

If you are reading this post by e-mail or via a blog reader, you won't have noticed, but Relentlessly Pursued has a whole new look. In fact, Relentlessly Pursued's been retired. It's a bittersweet change, but one that's been coming for over a year now.

With the change comes additional content, a new design, tagline, and web address (don't worry, subscribers, nothing should affect you). Every piece of the site is streamlined for your reading ease, I hope.

Why the change? Well, I just can't contain my YA love any more, and I'm hoping to connect with other YA readers and authors, especially those awesome dystopian ones. I'll continue to post my devotional journey thoughts from time to time and any writing updates I may have, but I'll also be incorporating more YA Crush posts (to build up that Websites to Visit tab and to introduce you to my favorite YA authors and books). Add in a feature on dystopian lit and a series on heroes, and I couldn't be more excited!

Speaking of, the new tagline for my fiction is Everyone Wants A Hero. I've always been a fan of heroes, super or otherwise, and if you ask me to choose between pulling for the steady good guy and the tortured bad boy, and I'm going to pick the good guy 98% of the time. While I hope the heroes in my fiction are both good and realistically flawed, I've never been known to put down a book or shut off a movie because the hero was "too good." Something inside me—and, therefore, in my fiction—identifies with the timeless good vs. evil battle. Sometimes I wish someone would swoop in and rescue me. 

I don't think I'm the only one.

There's an inherent longing in each of us to be rescued from something. Every now and then, we all want a hero. Or, we want to be one.

The good news is — we have a Hero.

And He can make us heroes as well.

This is no fairy tale. Welcome to reality.

My Perfect Day

This week was fairly wonderful, including some of my favorite activities and places, but Wednesday was my perfect day.

I woke up in a wonderfully large bed in the peaceful and delightfully decorated white and blue toile room at the historic Arrowhead Inn . For breakfast, I was served scrambled eggs with béarnaise sauce, sausage, fruit salad, and a homemade cherry pastry. Quite possibly the best breakfast I've ever eaten.

Then I was able to spend the rest of the day plotting and writing outside in the gazebo, in the hammock, and on the swing. The gardens were quiet and colorful; the breeze just enough to kiss my face, and the temperature perfect. Clearly, God was showing off.

I took a break to grab lunch from Foster's Market, where I had the best burger with dill havarti cheese, spinach, and lemon caper mayo. It was too good for words I tell you, and I fell in love with the old-fashioned general store feeling of the market, complete with mismatched chairs and tables scattered inside and out.

I worked in The Keeping Room during the late afternoon, enjoying the tea, classical music, and conversation with Rebecca, the interim innkeeper. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and getting to know her a little bit. She is creative, engaging, amicable, and a delight to be around. I didn't even know that such a position as interim innkeeper existed, but how intriguing is the idea of traveling from B&B to B&B to serve as hostess, concierge, and chef? Her story inspired me.

Finally, I was able to sink back into bed that night with a completely new understanding of my "story world" (the world/time/setting in which a story takes place), a face to match Potentate Marcioni's character, and seven new pages of insights. My time in the Word and prayer that evening was sweet.

I couldn't have planned a better day. No, the One who knows me better than I know myself allowed His face to shine down on me Wednesday. Our Father who delights in giving good gifts gave me a perfect day alone with Him.

And I am grateful.

Pursuing God

Last month, I picked up A.W. Tozer's Pursuit of God in the hope that it would help me run harder after Him. And it has.

Because Tozer reminded his readers that God runs to us first.

"Our pursuit of God is successful just because He is forever seeking to manifest Himself to us."*

Isn't that humbling?

Doesn't it make your heart happy?

_____________
* A. W. Tozer, Pursuit of God (Camp Hill, PA: Christian Publications, Inc., 1993), p. 61.

Why Relentlessly Pursued?

The subtitle of my blog is "Reflections on Standing Still," and most of you dear readers know that God has been teaching (and continues to teach) me what it is to "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). I am learning to be still and wait for His voice; be still and watch Him fight on my behalf; just be still in an otherwise chaotic life. You know this because I've blogged about it.

But I'm not sure that I've every fully explained the title: Relentlessly Pursued. This recently came to light when a friend's husband spotted the title and said something along the lines of "Wow! She's bragging about beating back guys? Or that she want to be a women who does that?"

Wow indeed. Luckily, my friend knew the background of the title and quickly corrected his assumptions before he felt the need to alert my community group of my growing pride. Later, when she told me, I laughed--because nothing could be further from the truth, and let's just leave it at that.

The situation did, however, make me realize that I should clarify for you who is pursuing, who is being pursued, and why.

Back in 2007, when I started this blog, God had been walking me though my own Valley of Achor (or Trouble, Hos. 2) for several months. The man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with and who I was planning a wedding with changed his mind and walked out of my life. His pursuit of me vanished, and his promises twisted into ashes that blew away faster than I could close my hands around them.

And I felt unlovely, betrayed, abandoned, unsure, and unwanted.

But God was there.

And as I began to read back over my journal entries, I saw it. That God was coming after me even there. He lead me to Hosea 2:14-20, part of which reads,

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there will I give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.... And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD."

The words were sweet healing to my wounded heart. God would walk me tenderly through the valley to hope, and He would not change His mind. He would (and had already) asked me to be His bride, and He would not relent. His love would be steadfast.

During that season, God continued to pursue me through His Word, through His Spirit, through the friends and family He encircled me with, through the flowers He sent me, and through the new dreams He gave me--both a non-fiction piece and my first fiction project Steadfast, to name two, came out of that season.

And as I look back on that time now, I see that His pursuit has only continued, even during the "silence" last year when I felt so alone. I see now that He was gently saying, "I'm here. I haven't left you. Do you still doubt me? My promises do not fail."

It is a pursuit that began when I was born two months early with a heart defect, continued on in my physical healing when I was young, and pushed into that small first and second grade Sunday School classroom where He first whispered my name and opened my eyes.

He is the Relentless Pursuer.

Before the foundation of the world, He knew who would be His, and He has stopped at nothing to make them His. Don't we see this in the Old Testament as He comes after his rebellious children again and again? Don't we see it as He put on flesh, came to earth, and died on the cross to redeem us? For those that belong to Him, we know He came after us when we were running in the opposite direction, and He did so because of His great love. And the pursuit doesn't stop there--for we are still prone to wander, as Robert Robinson wrote.

Most importantly, I know Him as the Relentless Pursuer because His Word teaches us that "God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners;" that "even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes;" that "God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 1:4, 2:4-5, NLT).

The gospel displays God's relentless pursuit of us, and my life testifies to it.

Being relentlessly pursued has made all the difference.

Wilderness Bouquets

For almost 26 years of my life, I could not admit how much I really love flowers. I even worked at a florist for a year without fessing up to it. I told myself and other people that flowers just weren’t worth the expense: "They are beautiful, but way too overpriced for their 2-week life span." The truth of the matter is, my attitude towards flowers had more to do with the fact that I had only received them once in my life (a small clutch of 3 red roses with baby’s breath) and didn’t want to assume I would receive them in the future. Why? Because they are expensive, they don't live for long, and even the most godly men I know don't give their wives flowers often, if ever.

But September of 2007 changed all of that. You see, within the course of 2 weeks, I received 3 bouquets. Two of which were made of flowers that were my favorite color. One arrangement was left on my doorstep with a note, no signature. All three came with the message that God loved me and thought of me.

God was the only one who knew how much those flowers spoke to my heart. Only God could lay it on someone’s heart to buy me flowers … and my favorite color flowers no less. Only God knew how I was struggling that month. You see it was the month "we" had planned on getting married, and only 2 people knew the significance of that period (neither of whom bought flowers for me that month).

He alone knew how much my heart was hurting. He moved to let me know I was loved and pursued by HIM. And He would find a way to communicate that message when I most needed it. Shortly thereafter, I found the following song; it, along with Hosea 2:14-20, spoke volumes to my heart: Acres of Hope by Shane Barnard and Robbie Seay.
He is my Relentless Pursuer. He has spoken tenderly and intimately to me in my own "Valley of Achor" (i.e., the valley of trouble), and hope is not lost--for He has led me here, He has been here, He has taught me about Himself, He has given hope, and He has blessing ahead. Praise the Lord for His steadfast love endures forever.

Evidences of Grace

Only 3 days after I received the roses, life changed, again. In the last three weeks, I have found myself asking questions I thought I had answered and wading through feelings supposedly dead and buried. I feel pulled backward and afraid of becoming stuck here. Wasn't I past this?

And, honestly, I find myself asking God why? I thought I was turning a corner in the tunnel which would lead me down the last few steps out into the open air only to find the corner another passageway in itself.

We all have those days, weeks, years—seasons of life—when it takes every fiber in your being to trust God and continue in obedience and joy. To some extent the last two years have been that season for me. In the midst of the gray and sometimes lonely road, I have found two (at least) helpful activities:

Look for God’s grace here. Be vigilant in asking God to open your eyes to what He is doing even now. Be sensitive to moments you hear His voice or see His provision. And when you see those “evidences of grace,” no matter how small, tell people about them—praising God will help you to focus on His presence and sovereignty in this place. Don’t stop there though: write these evidences of grace down.

What am I praising God for today? Well, in these past three weeks, I have had the opportunity to be prayed with by three separate sisters who let me cry, spoke encouragement to my heart, and were each led to pray passages of Scripture which the Holy Spirit had already brought to my mind. Their presence alone is an evidence of grace. The reality that these dear friends reaffirmed words which God had already spoken to me is evidence that He is here. More than here.

Similarly, remind yourself of God’s history of grace, both scripturally and personally. Just as the 12 memorial stones stood beside the Jordan after Israel crossed it on dry ground, the Bible stands as our record, our sign, of the might, love, and wonder of the God who has acted on behalf of His people (Joshua 4:1-10; cf. Deuteronomy 6). The Old Testament, specifically Psalms and 1 & 2 Samuel, has been particularly sweet to me because of the record of how often the God of the Universe intervenes on behalf of His people. Remember His character. Likewise, spend some time reading back over old journals or notes from years past; remember God’s legacy of grace in your life as well. This is why I would encourage you to write the evidences of grace down as you become aware of them. On those days when I can’t see God’s provision in my life, I pull out my little black notebook and remind myself of what He did or showed me yesterday, last month, or two years ago. Doing this, allows me the opportunity to "Remember," an encouragement which is given at least 25 times in the Old Testament.

In my next post, I’ll invite you into one moment in God’s history of grace with me. But first...

It’s your turn. To this point in my short blogging history, I haven’t asked for anyone’s participation—but I would be so encouraged to hear about what you see as God's evidence of grace to you now. I would ask you to e-mail me (or leave a comment below) concerning something God has done for you in the last month, something only He could orchestrate, knowing your need. I would truly love the opportunity to praise the Lord with you for His provision in your walk with Him.

One Dozen Roses (Oct 19, 2008)

As I write this, a dozen red roses are sitting on my dining room table. A dozen red roses. I don’t know about you, but as much as I might say that flowers aren’t important to me—and definitely not roses—as a woman, the delivery of a dozen red roses without a twig of baby’s breath included does weird and wonderful things to my heart.

This week was a hard one. A battle for my mind and my heart. I was graciously reminded that my fate doesn’t rest in any human’s hands but in my Sovereign Father’s. I was challenged to trust God instead of being afraid (Ps. 56:3-4), to show love sacrificially instead of responding to the actions of others (Mt. 5:43-48; Ph. 2:3-4).

I am often tempted to fear and to respond in self-protection. By Thursday evening, I felt taken advantage of, manipulated, wary, lied to, vulnerable, and tired. I cried for someone to protect me and step in between me and these other people.

On Friday, I wanted to choose rightly. I wanted to trust God and continue to respond in love, but honestly, I wanted to go back to bed more. I sat on my closet floor praying that God would be merciful to me and give me the strength to trust one more day.

About noon, I received the delivery. I’ve never had flowers delivered to me before. Honestly, it was so overwhelming that I think the delivery guy barely made it out the door before I began crying. The note had no signature and only one line: Joshua 1:9.

This verse reads, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

God answered my prayer for mercy. He knows my heart and what would speak to it in a way that would identify Him alone as the communicator. And with the beautiful, personal reminder that He knows and loves me came the challenge to remember another truth. The truth that I am fighting a battle. I have been commanded to be strong and full of courage. I should not be afraid or distressed. Why? Not because I won’t get hurt. Not because the people around me will get it right. But because the LORD is with me.

I must remember “in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (Ps. 56:4). And this God is Sovereign, Creator, Mighty Judge Over All, The Director of Men’s Hearts, The One Whose Purposes Will Not Be Thwarted (Isaiah 40:28; Ps. 9:8; Ezra 6:22; Pr. 16:9; Job 42:2). He is the Heavenly Bridegroom, The Lover of My Soul, The One Who Knows My Heart Intimately. My Relentless Pursuer (Is. 54:5, 62:5; Eph. 5:32; Ps. 139:13-16; Hosea 2:14-23).

My merciful God who in the midst of my stumbling chose to lay it on someone’s heart to send me flowers with His message attached. I worship the God who knows me intimately and acts to show me His love personally. And my heart and mind are safe in His hands.

What have I to fear with THIS Protector on my side?

(cf. Ps 57:1-2, Ps. 34:4-5)