Relentlessly Pursued

Book Recommendation: The Merchant's Daughter

2011-11-23T21:04:00.000-05:00

"Annabel, once the daughter of a wealthy merchant, is trapped in indentured servitude to Lord Ranulf le Wyse, a recluse who is rumored to be both terrifying and beastly. Her circumstances are made even worse by the proximity of the lord's bailiff--a revolting man who has made unwelcome advances on Annabel in the past.

Believing that life in a nunnery is the best way to escape the escalation of the bailiff's vile behavior and to preserve the faith that sustains her, Annabel is surprised to discover a sense of security and joy in her encounters with Lord le Wyse. As Annabel struggles to confront her feelings, she is involved in a situation that could place Ranulf in grave danger. Ranulf's future, and possibly his heart, may rest in her hands, and Annabel must decide whether to follow the plans she has cherished or the calling God has placed on her heart." -Back Cover Blurb

I love a novel based on a "what if?" In fact, this question sparked Noah's trilogy, so when I found out Melanie's Dickerson's first novel, The Healer's Apprentice, was a CBA novel based on the lore behind Sleeping Beauty, my first thought was "A fairy tale with the influence of Jesus? Brilliant."

Melanie did not disappoint. If you haven't read The Healer's Apprentice, I highly recommend you put it on your Christmas list. Right now.

So, needless to say, when I heard her second novel, The Merchant's Daughter, was releasing this fall, I began a countdown to its release date. When I met Melanie at ACFW and saw her passion for this series and graciousness as a person, my excitement grew. And when I opened my mailbox last week to find the ARC waiting for me, I knew I wouldn't get anything done until I'd finished the book.

So, what did I think?

The Merchant's Daughter exceeded even my high expectations. In a word it was: incredible. Once I began, I was unable to put it down until I'd savored the last page. With layers of the Beauty and the Beast tale and similarities to both Ruth and Esther, this fourteenth century story stole my heart.

Annabel and Ranulf are such well-formed, real, and sympathetic characters I longed to see the couple happy, and the secondary characters around them added depth and humor to the story. Although I must confess to not reading a lot of medieval fiction, the historical detail planted me firmly in Annabel's world, and the thread of suspense running throughout kept me on the edge of my seat. Dickerson's second novel is well-crafted and engaging, and this paragraph doesn't do it the justice it deserves. Would shouting its awesomeness from the rooftops help? Because I am completely open to the idea!

My favorite aspect of the book, however, is the subplot concerning Annabel's desire to read the Bible and deepen her faith. I so easily forget what a privilege it is not only to own a Bible but be able to read it as well. Seeing the Word through her eyes was encouraging to me (as was seeing Scripture quoted in the book)!

The character journey of The Healer's Apprentice emphasized God's sovereignty, and Dickerson follows up beautifully in this book with the truth that God is good and for our good. These truths walk hand in hand to strengthen our faith, and I'm grateful for the way Dickerson interweaves them into the fabric of her books.

So, to sum up--this book is awesome; go buy it. You will not be disappointed. And if you are, come find me; I'll just be in my local bookstore putting copies in the hands of unsuspecting shoppers :)

Thwarted

2011-11-14T15:54:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I like to sneak oft-used words into normal conversation. See, what I did there with oft-used? :) Thwarted is another example because I like the imagery and it's fun to say.

But to feel thwarted? Not so much fun.

All weekend long, I had this nebulous bad feeling. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted. Yet none of these words described how I felt perfectly. I sensed something deeper--especially because every time I sat down to edit, life got a little more complicated.

This morning, it hit me. I feel thwarted. I feel like someone has hijacked my plans, derailed my train, and come against me. Since I've recently had some spiritual breakthroughs related to and because of Noah's story, I'm fairly certain God isn't behind stopping my novel in its tracks.

So, it's time I remember that I have a very real enemy who wants nothing more than for me to crash and burn and my story along with it. Strangely, this knowledge gives me peace and perspective.

I can let my enemy win by sitting down and crying on the battlefield, or I can run back to the Warrior God and ask Him to help me keep fighting. I can choose to live the truths of Ex. 14:14; Josh. 23:10; 2 Sam. 22; Neh. 4:20, and Eph. 6:10-20: God fights for His people; He helps them stand firm; and He equips them to fight.

With that in mind, if you'll excuse me, I have a manuscript to polish.

Your Christmas Gift List

2011-11-07T19:58:00.000-05:00

Some of you start buying your Christmas gifts in January. Others in August. I am never that forward thinking. I'll start buying gifts come December 1, if I'm lucky. I have, however, begun compiling my list, which will include an addition this year.

Samaritan's Purse, a non-profit that organizes disaster relief and serves in third-world countries, sent me their Gift Catalog earlier this fall. I've been praying about how and what to give ever since. And I can't seem to choose between gifting a child with the ability to learn how to read and write or help a child receive lifesaving heart surgery.

Both of these gifts strike such a chord in me because of my own heart defects at birth and, obviously, because of my love for reading and writing, but they are just two of the many gifts Samaritan's Purse offers.

The gifts range in price, but some start at just $5. This Christmas I encourage you to add one more person to your list. I promise it will mean so much.

Book Recommendation: Open Minds

2011-10-24T18:07:00.002-04:00

"I was a match in the middle of a keg of gunpowder."

So began my love affair with Open Minds. . . .

Almost two years ago, my friend Sue, aka Susan Kaye Quinn, submitted portions of her NaNoWriMo baby, Open Minds, to our online critique group. To say I was blown away by the concept behind the novel is not an understatement. I remember Erynn and I having long conversations outlining how incredible we found it that these addictive chapters were a result of writing a novel in thirty days. I distinctly recall talk of creating Team Raf and Team Simon t-shirts. Seriously. It was that good.

Fast forward to this fall when I get an e-mail from Sue explaining that she's planning to self-publish Open Minds as the first in The Mindjack Trilogy and could she send me an ARC (advanced reader copy)? Could she? That wasn't even a question, was it?

I opened the e-ARC the moment it arrived in my inbox. I savored my favorite characters and lines from the first draft, spiffed up to be their best selves, while enjoying the new scenes and ending I'd never had a chance to read. Sue has created a dangerous and intriguing world of mind-reading and mind-control (known as mindjacking) that makes me glance over my shoulder to see whether others are close enough to read my thoughts. And her protagonist Kira is a strong, sarcastic, and empathetic character thrust into a world she never knew existed, or wants to be a part of.

When I read the quote above in its position halfway through the book, I was stopped in my tracks. It's the perfect summation of Kira's immediate situation as well as her life in general. Kira is the key: to control, to the future, and to freedom--an empowering and frightening thought for a sixteen year old girl.

And that's why the book works. It's why I can't wait until Closed Hearts releases next year, and it's why I think you'll enjoy Open Minds too.

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Sixteen-year-old Kira Moore is a zero, someone who can’t read thoughts or be read by others. Zeros are outcasts who can’t be trusted, leaving her no chance with Raf, a regular mindreader and the best friend she secretly loves. When she accidentally controls Raf’s mind and nearly kills him, Kira tries to hide her frightening new ability from her family and an increasingly suspicious Raf. But lies tangle around her, and she’s dragged deep into a hidden world of mindjackers, where having to mind control everyone she loves is just the beginning of the deadly choices before her.

Open Minds (Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy) by Susan Kaye Quinn will be available in e-book (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords) and print (Amazon, Createspace) on November 1st.

Just in case you're counting that's only seven days from today!

Remembering God Is FOR You

2011-10-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

Many of you know the last five years have been hard: relationships lost; doors slammed shut; dreams laid to rest; and health affected. I have been stripped raw.

In the midst of this, God has proven faithful. He has been with me. He has sanctified me. He has loved me. These facts have been the rope to wrap my slipping fingers around. This knowledge is so important--such grace.

Yet, somewhere along the way, I began to believe God was only after my sanctification. That the "good" in Romans 8:28 actually meant holiness. That the stripping was necessary to teach me all I needed was Him. I began to believe God was after my dreams, that wanting anything but Him would lead to its systematic removal from my life. I have taught myself not to ask for anything. Not to hope too much. Not to plan. No dreams allowed.

What a lie this is!

At the conference, God flung doors open left and right. At every turn, He threw blessing my way, exceeding all of my small expectations for that weekend. I had to confess to Erynn the reason I had planned not to attend conference was because I was terrified to hope and have the rug ripped out from under me again. My plan had been just to make it through ACFW without embarrassing myself, never thinking I would actually move closer to being published. Never entertaining thoughts of my dream coming true.

I was shocked when she confessed similar feelings. God has gifted her. Her story is awesome. And I know God wants good for her, that though life has been increasingly hard for her and Leo, this will not always be so.

It's always easier to spot the lies someone else believes, isn't it?

Well, here is the truth: If you belong to God as His child, He is FOR you. He promises to fight for you (Ex. 14:14). He works for your good and your joy (Rom. 8:28; Jn. 15:11). He will grant you the desires of your heart (Ps. 37:4). He came to give you eternal life (Jn. 10:10, "already but not yet"). He has abundant goodness stored up for you (Ps. 31:19). He gave His only Son for you--will he not give you the lesser good as well? (Rom. 8:32). In fact, Jesus is always interceding for you (Rom. 8:34).

He is for you.

He wants good things for you.

God is not the one who steals. He does not wage warfare against us. He does not condemn us (Jn. 10; Rom. 8). That is never His character.

God is good in suffering, but He is also good in blessing. He gets glory from both trials and joy (Ps. 30:11-12).

God does want my sanctification. He is jealous for our affections. He will make me holy. But I don't worship the One True God when I act as though that is the whole of who He is. The above promises for our good are from Scripture as well. (They may have been misused, but that doesn't change the fact that He spoke them).

I am trying to find the balance, and my prayer is that you will too. I pray that we would see and worship God for who He truly is. Just and merciful. Holy and blindingly gracious. Judge and Perfect Father. The God who takes lesser dreams and grants greater ones. The God who loves us.

May it steep through every part of us and stain us with the truth!

Exciting Books Releasing This Fall

2011-10-09T19:47:00.000-04:00

I love fall--colorful leaves, hot coffee, and crisp evenings. It's my favorite season, and this fall feels especially exciting because of the authors who have new books out this month and next!

Robin Jones Gunn released a new book, Love Finds You in Sunset Beach, Hawaii, on October 1. I grew up reading her Christy Miller and Sierra Jensen series, and I loved how characters from one series or book would show up years later in another book. In her new release, we get another glimpse into Sierra's life, and I can't wait.

November 1 will be a busy day as TWO books debut:

Ally Condie's Crossed, the sequel to Matched, releases, and I have been anxiously awaiting this installment since reading Matched last November. That's right, I've been waiting a whole year to know what going on with Cassia, Ky, and Xander! This anticipation only grew after meeting Ally at a book signing in the spring. She is delightful, giving, humble, and a great dresser, too. It's going to be all I can do not to buy this book on day one. You can bet I'll be letting you know my thoughts once I finish it.

Also on November 1, Susan Kaye Quinn's Open Minds hits shelves (so to speak). Sue is a good friend, mentor, and encourager, and I'm so excited for her. I had the pleasure of reading a first draft of Open Minds in our critique group, and it was amazing! Seriously, Erynn and I were talking about how it rivaled many successes in the YA market. And why not? It has all the best elements: a strong and sympathetic protagonist in Kira, an uncomfortable, yet intriguing future, and two guys vying for our protag's attention. Sign me up. Sue's been kind enough to send me an ARC, so I'll be posting more about Open Minds before November 1!

Finally, Melanie Dickerson's sophomore novel, The Merchant's Daughter, releases in November, the 22nd I believe. Melanie's a master at starting with a fairy tale basis, putting it in medieval history, and giving her characters a Christian worldview. Plus, she's such a gracious lady (as I've mentioned before :) Beauty and the Beast? Jesus? Yes, please. You'll be hearing more about this release as we get closer to the date as well.

So, that's what I'm excited about this fall. What books are you looking forward to getting your hands on?

Even More God Things From ACFW

2011-10-01T22:01:00.000-04:00

"Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of mankind." -Psalm 31:19

Did you read my last post? Isn't God good? Well, that wasn't all.

6-On Friday morning, I met briefly with a multi-published author for a critique of Unclean's first chapter I went in trembling, afraid that she would point out all the ways it needed work. Instead, I came out beaming. She liked my characters, my pacing, my tension, and my world. The chapter made her uncomfortable and anxious, which is exactly what it was supposed to do, and she described my characters exactly the way I hoped to portray them. After we had a moment to talk about the rest of the book (and the ensuing series), she told me she liked my plot--it was original and filled with conflict (insert evil laugh here). The whole appointment felt surreal, but it was the encouragement I needed not to freak out when the next two things happened...

7-I was able to meet with an editor on Saturday morning. I think this lady rocks! Every time she opened her mouth at the conference, she spoke to my heart and my desires for the YA market and Unclean. Plus, she's crazy cool. So I was hoping we would hit it off during our 15-minute appointment, and we did. I really enjoyed discussing my book (and series) with her, and she raised some great questions. She liked my idea and took my sample chapter with her! Best outcome possible.

8-Except for this outcome! On Friday morning, I had an appointment with the agent I was praying to meet. Although I was crazy nervous, the appointment went well. I pitched her my story (my first attempt ever), she shared what she sees as her role as an agent, we talked about the series, AND she asked to see THE FULL MANUSCRIPT. She didn't say no. She didn't ask to see a couple of chapters. SHE ASKED FOR THE WHOLE BOOK. I still can't believe it. I'm doing a little happy dance in my den all over again :)

Can you take more?

9-On Friday night, after being blessed to overflowing, Erynn and I sat on our beds in the hotel room and talked about the futures of our books. Some of you know that I don't have a ton of confidence in my gift or my work. Sometimes I doubt that I'll ever get published. Turns out that she has the same problem. Which is absurd because Out Of Darkness is awesome! We have a lot more faith in the other person's ability than our own (which is not a bad problem to have). I want her success more than I can put into words because I know how much it would mean to her, to her and Leo, and to the people who know them. And I know God wants her good. Her holiness, her obedience, her sacrifice, AND her blessing, her joy, her songs.

Last week, He reminded me He wants the same for me. Not only my sanctification, but my celebration also. I confess I had forgotten. That truth has removed blinders from my eyes that I didn't know where there. Thank you Jesus for your patience and your kindness to show me who You truly are. Forgive me for imagining you to be less than You are.

10-Finally, you blessed me. Knowing that so many people were praying for me was utterly humbling. To my family, my friends, my church families, and those were asked to pray by one of the above, THANK YOU. I cannot express to you how mightily I felt your prayers, how hugely you were a part of what God did, and how ecstatic I am to share God's goodness with you. You are all a part of what God is doing with Unclean. My experience would have been completely different without your prayers, your calls, and your texts. I needed every one . . . more than I can say.

He has been so good to me, and Unclean is a step further down the road. My prayer is that you would be encouraged by what He will do for His children, for those who seek refuge in Him. Being able to carry His faithfulness back to you is the best thing to come out of the conference.

He has moved. He is moving. "Let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!" (Psalm 31:24).

The ACFW 2011 Recap

2011-09-28T21:11:00.000-04:00

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21

These verses were the theme of my first ACFW conference. Every single expectation I had about the conference God blew out of the water. He is always good and always working on behalf of His children and His name's sake, but sometimes that work is extra visible. Sometimes He moves in special ways, and that was definitely true last week. I'm not sure these posts will do justice to all God did, but I'm going to try by using a list. Because I love a list :)

1--At the My Book Therapy (MBT) Pitch and Promotion Scrimmage, Susan May Warren taught us the essential elements of a pitch, and James Rubart mentored the writers at the speculative table. (For those that don't know, speculative fiction --spec fic-- encompasses any work that contains a timeline, event, or character that we speculate about: fantasy, science fiction, futuristic novels, and my own dystopian book fall under this genre). Although I was intimidated at first to give Jim Rubart my pitch, the entire afternoon was a huge encouragement. I left the room feeling prepared to pitch Unclean to an agent or editor.

2--Erynn and I also left the room with two new friends! Amanda Stevens writes dystopian as well (plus she was home-schooled :) and Jessica Keller Koschnitzky writes Romantic Suspense like Erynn. We were able to grab dinner together at a local pub and lunch the next day. We four were a team, and I'm so grateful for these new lifelong friendships.

3--We were given FIVE free books (between ACFW and MBT). Several of these novels haven't been released yet, and I was eagerly anticipating these shelf dates. Free books? It's like a writer's dream :)

4--I felt great for most of the trip. I knew people were praying and God was giving me strength because this girl doesn't do five hours of sleep anymore without getting really sick. However, I had three of these nights in a row at the beginning of the trip, and though I had to skip a session each day to rest, I did not feel the exhaustion symptoms until Saturday night once all the appointments were over.

5--I met the talented Melanie Dickerson, author of The Healer's Apprentice. Melanie and I had e-mailed back and forth before the conference, and I was so excited to meet her in person. She was incredibly gracious. We were able to get to know each other during lunch on Saturday, and she was so kind to answer my questions about her upcoming novels and her life. Melanie is a Carol Award finalist (among other award nominations), and she graced me with an invitation to sit at her table for the Carol Awards Ceremony. Melanie's first book is a twist on the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty, and I've always been a sucker for fairy tales. But a fairy tale with a Christian worldview? Even better. Her second book, The Merchant's Daughter, releases in November, and I'll be posting more as the release date draws nearer. I was humbled by the welcome Melanie and the other YA authors gave us newbie writers; they are all as giving as they are talented, and I hope you'll check out their work.

And that's just the half of it.

More to come later this week....

ACFW Today!!

2011-09-21T07:00:00.009-04:00

I know I haven't been around much this summer. We can chalk that fact up to the presence of two little words in my life: chronic fatigue.

The summer was filled with fatigue, doctors' visits, new medication, a job transition, and other lifestyle changes to help deal with the symptoms. Oh, and I was really tired. Did I mention that? I'll be blogging more about this journey with CF in the fall, but today I wanted to focus on one thing:

I leave for St. Louis and the ACFW Conference today!

Erynn, myself, and the ladies from our critique group will all fly out about 10 a.m. and walk right into 4 1/2 days of honing our craft, pitching our manuscripts, making new connections, and meeting new writer friends. It promises to be encouraging and overwhelming at the same time. :) I won't be taking my computer with me, but I'll post a full report once we return.

In the interim, would you pray that God would lead Unclean toward publishing during the conference, that He would move mightily, that I would be able to serve and encourage others, and that my health would not keep me from enjoying and participating in the events? Would you also pray against fear and insecurity, especially during my appointments with editors, agents, and a published author critiquing my work? I would so appreciate your prayers.

One of the verses I have been praying and meditating on in the last three weeks is 2 Timothy 4:17a: "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed."

I have been praying that God would strengthen me so that my writing and my life would proclaim the gospel of grace.

I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Now, how do I cram these boots into my suitcase? :)

The Matched Trilogy: Crossed

2011-09-13T11:00:00.004-04:00

I was enthralled by Ally Condie's Matched, as evidenced by this gushing post.

So, I can't tell you how excited I am that the second in this trilogy, Crossed, releases on November 1. It cannot come soon enough.

Which is why I was so thrilled to hear that Entertainment Weekly has posted the first two chapters of Crossed here.

Read. Enjoy. Count down the days with me.

Only 49 to go....

On The Mountain

2011-07-19T20:30:00.000-04:00

“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” -Psalm 19:1

I spent July fourth weekend at home, South Mountain Baptist Camp. Although over 250 campers filled the mountain on Friday, it was still on Saturday morning.

I love to walk through camp when it's silent, especially on a day so beautiful. The sky was a bright blue and punctuated with clouds. A breeze floated through the leaves and kissed my face, making the temperature cool and comfortable. The sun poured over the hills and into the valleys.

It had the beauty of an undeveloped place—no cars, planes, sirens, traffic jams, skyscrapers, or billboards. Nothing frantic.

Only a stillness from creation that draws you to worship.

As I walked, memories, like old friends, joined me. The memories of climbing the never ending hill "Uptop," of beading bracelets on the huge tables in the chapel basement during crafts, of reading as many mission books as possible to earn camper points, and of sitting in the cool middle room of the chapel basement during Bible study as a camper.

I caught glimpses of myself as a staffer, sitting on the front pew during chapel and doing hand motions with the other staff, teaching Bible study in the same room I'd been taught in—its atmosphere as cool and damp as ever, and being sprayed with a water bottle as I served food off a hot line in a kitchen without air conditioning.

And when I sat at the chapel, memories of Thursday nights humbled me anew. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see those services, the pews packed with little boys and girls, and me watching and praying for the Spirit to move and awaken little eyes after a week of no distractions and lots of love. I remembered the awe I felt watching them come forward and kneel at the altar, the joy I experienced taking one little girl by the hand and walking her downstairs to counsel her heart, and the repentance and humility of watching Him move mightily for His glory and the sake of their souls despite how distracted I, we as a staff, had been that week.

That awe returned because He is always moving for His glory there—whether it be exalting Himself in the quietness of creation or in the crazy, fun, busyness of 250 little bodies. Camp is my spiritual retreat, my favorite place to get alone with Him, because it is there I can “be still and know that He is God” (Ps. 46:10). His presence dwells deeply on the mountain, and every day there I count as a undeserved grace.

It is there that I regain perspective: He is a God who moves! And knowing that He's been faithful to do just that every week of the summer for over fifty years? It humbles me.

But there is nothing sacred about the site itself. God is as active in Raleigh, Greenville, and Morganton as in that chapel. What is special about South Mountain is the reminder that we serve a God who acts on behalf of His children.

What a Savior we have.

Erynn Won!

2011-07-11T19:37:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have already heard since it's all over facebook and her blog, but I just wanted to say: Congratulations to Erynn for being the Suspense/Crime/Mystery winner of the Out of the Slush Pile, Novel Journey’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame Contest!

Erynn has worked hard to write, receive critique on, and edit Out Of Darkness in the last two years. I am so proud of her for finishing. I am proud of her for digging in and making it richer after a disheartening critique at the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference last year. I am proud of her for sticking to her deadline throughout May and June so she could complete the novel in time to enter this contest. Her faithfulness has certainly paid off, and I am so thankful to be her friend and celebrate this day with her.

Out Of Darkness is a beautiful picture of Christ's sufficiency in suffering, and I can't wait for it to be published so you all can read it!

And to my best friend, I love you and I just can't tell you how happy I am for you. I thank God on every remembrance of you. Thank you for sharing your life and your writing with me.

Standing on the sidelines for you is a blessing :)

Ten Minutes

2011-07-02T14:48:00.000-04:00

During my vacation, I was able to complete over thirty glorious hours of writing and editing. However, "real life" has returned, and finding the time or energy to write has become a problem. In the last two weeks, I logged less than a hour on Unclean, and while I could list my perfectly reasonable excuses for why that is, it wouldn't solve my problem, which is I have to make progress on this second draft.

What's a girl to do?

I wasn't sure. Until I read a blog post by the awesome Lynn Blackburn. Lynn, who is a wife, a mom, a friend, and a writer, was having the same issues. So she shared this with another author who challenged her to work on her novel ten minutes a day.

Ten minutes?

That feels absolutely possible. Even when I feel exhausted. Even during a day filled with chores, bill paying, and errands. And even during a long day with Miss Thing.

That's what Lynn thought too.

So she challenged herself to write ten minutes every day in July and assess her progress at the end of the month, and I've decided to join her. Of course, I plan to write more than that on my weekly writing day, but if I can't because of circumstances outside of my control, I will still have at least five hours and ten minutes of editing complete at the end of the month.

And that sounds great to me.

What about you? Are you feeling stifled by life's demands? Do you wish you could clear more time on your schedule to do something God has gifted you with, something you love?

Want to join me?

My Perfect Day

2011-06-19T14:37:00.000-04:00

This week was fairly wonderful, including some of my favorite activities and places, but Wednesday was my perfect day.

I woke up in a wonderfully large bed in the peaceful and delightfully decorated white and blue toile room at the historic Arrowhead Inn . For breakfast, I was served scrambled eggs with bernaise sauce, sausage, fruit salad, and a homemade cherry pastry. Quite possibly the best breakfast I've ever eaten.

Then I was able to spend the rest of the day plotting and writing outside in the gazebo, in the hammock, and on the swing. The gardens were quiet and colorful; the breeze just enough to kiss my face, and the temperature perfect. Clearly, God was showing off.

I took a break to grab lunch from Foster's Market, where I had the best burger with dill havarti cheese, spinach, and lemon caper mayo. It was too good for words I tell you, and I fell in love with the old-fashioned general store feeling of the market, complete with mismatched chairs and tables scattered inside and out.

I worked in The Keeping Room during the late afternoon, enjoying the tea, classical music, and conversation with Rebecca, the interim innkeeper. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and getting to know her a little bit. She is creative, engaging, amicable, and a delight to be around. I didn't even know that such a position as interim innkeeper existed, but how intriguing is the idea of traveling from B&B to B&B to serve as hostess, concierge, and chef? Her story inspired me.

Finally, I was able to sink back into bed that night with a completely new understanding of my "story world" (the world/time/setting in which a story takes place), a face to match Potentate Marcioni's character, and seven new pages of insights. My time in the Word and prayer that evening was sweet.

I couldn't have planned a better day. No, the One who knows me better than I know myself allowed His face to shine down on me Wednesday. Our Father who delights in giving good gifts gave me a perfect day alone with Him.

And I am grateful.

Not Quite Visions of Sugar Plums...

2011-06-08T21:52:00.000-04:00

Sugar plums dancing in my head? That sounds delightful, doesn't it? Unfortunately, my head is not filled with these sweet confections. It is a mess of questions and to do lists.

You see, the ACFW conference is this September, and that's only three months away. I have story-world edits to finish, a second book to start when I can narrow down the protagonist, craft notes for the edits of Unclean, comparative titles to read for my market analysis, a book proposal to put together, a pitch to write and hone, a critique to prepare, a contest to enter, books by workshop leaders to read, editors to stalk, blogs to write, a blog overall to carry out, chapters to crit for my fellow writers, and the list goes on and on....

To say I feel overwhelmed would be an understatement.

Even though I realize that this list is too ambitious to complete in three months, and I should really pare it down, but where to start? I mean what is realistic? And how do I prioritize when I am excited about everything above?

I have no idea.

But this one truth holds firm and enduring--God is in control. Even here. Especially here. Unclean will be ready when He decides it's ready. My job is to be a good steward of my gift, mark off what I can, and trust Him with the timing and the result.

After all, "all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16b, NIV)

I'm trying to remind myself often.

Book Review: The Charlatan's Boy

2011-04-23T19:58:00.001-04:00

Grady's only memories spring from his time traveling around with showman and huckster Floyd Wendellson, if that's even his real name. Corenwald has always been teeming with rumors about the swamp dwellers known as feechies, and Floyd and Grady have made their living taking full advantage of those fears.

But Grady longs to know who he is, who his parents were, and whether or not he could actually be a genuine feechie. He wants the truth, a community, and a place where he can finally belong.

Jonathan Rogers' fantasy reads like Mark Twain, slow and southern and full of delightfully bad grammar. I read it aloud to Miss Thing and found it slipped off my tongue with a musical rhythm. This helps plant the reader firmly in a wild frontier filled with con men, drovers, and untamed land. I felt drawn to a place that was equal parts Australia, the Old West, and Deep South. An entertaining world all around.

Additionally, our protagonist Grady is empathetic and honest, and I wanted him to have a family just as much as he did. The supporting characters are original, and the heart behind it touching. We all long for a place to belong and Rogers taps into that desire beautifully with Grady's journey.

To check it out for yourself, visit this website.

**Disclaimer: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group in exchange for this review.**

Pursuing God

2011-02-24T21:41:00.000-05:00

Last month, I picked up A.W. Tozer's Pursuit of God in the hope that it would help me run harder after Him. And it has.

Because Tozer reminded his readers that God runs to us first.

"Our pursuit of God is successful just because He is forever seeking to manifest Himself to us."*

Isn't that humbling?

Doesn't it make your heart happy?

_____________
* A. W. Tozer, Pursuit of God (Camp Hill, PA: Christian Publications, Inc., 1993), p. 61.

Book Recommendation: Matched

2011-02-22T19:00:00.126-05:00

An intriguing and beautiful cover can sell me on a book, and that's just what happened when I was perusing the YA section at Barnes & Noble in November. I like to wander through bookstores every six-eight weeks, much to my wallet's dismay, and look at the new releases, cover designs, back cover copy, etc.

When I spotted Matched, I knew without cracking the cover that I wanted to read the book. When I did open the book and discovered it was a dystopian novel (a personal favorite genre), a debut novel, and days old, I knew it was leaving the store with me.

See, doesn't this scream take me home and read me?

As the novel opens, Cassia Reyes is about to enter her fully orchestrated future. Her matching banquet falls on her seventeenth birthday which leads her to believe life will be sweeter than ever. When The Society matches her with best friend Xander, all of her assumptions are confirmed--The Society really has perfected the science of giving everyone the best job, marriage, and life one can have.

Until a glitch on her match microchip displays the face of another boy.

And now she can't stop thinking about him or wondering. What if a perfectly choreographed life isn't perfect after all.

I can't say enough how much I enjoyed reading Matched. Once I began, I couldn't put it down until I finished. (I read it so quickly the first time that I decided to read it again as a lesson on craft. I'm not so sure it worked as I got just as caught up in the story the second time around. Maybe the third time will be the charm.)

Ally Condie grounds readers in a chillingly ordered society without bogging us down with too many technical details, and her characters are well developed and sympathetic. I thought Cassia's journey from blind and fervent trust to balanced and realistic independence was particularly well handled. I believed her, saw her as the naive girl, the questioning teen, and the determined young woman. On another note, Condie's prose is lyrical and poetic; several lines took my breath away and made me read them over and over again.

As for the story? It was well-paced and kept surprising me. Just when I thought I knew where The Society stood, Condie through another twist my way. The last switch in particular made me want to go back and start from the beginning with that knowledge in mind. Finally, Condie showed a masterful grasp on the concept of a love triangle. By giving Cassia two good and honorable yet different men and by not creating enmity between them, she made the choice harder on all of us. I waffled back and forth on who was the right guy for Cassia throughout the book and felt my heart ache as I also watched the friendship between the two guys be tested.

All in all? It's an incredible book, and my only complaint is that I have to wait until November to read the second installment, Crossed.

I highly recommend Matched to anyone who enjoys reading YA, dystopian pieces, or simply good fiction. And I'd loan you my copy, but I need to hold on to it as I eagerly await her book signing here in Raleigh on Friday. It'll be my first book signing, and I'll be going to squee a little and support fellow writers. What a fun way to spend a Friday evening! I can't wait :)

When A Children's Book Makes You Cry

2011-02-17T18:31:00.091-05:00

As the nanny of Miss Thing (my little lady who is 15 months old and has always known her own mind), I read a lot of board books. A lot.

Which is not a bad thing--I love to read, and as an author and book lover, I want to encourage children to read themselves.

But let's just say that one can only read Snuggle Puppy so many times without losing one's mind. And I'd like to stay as sane as possible, which put me on the hunt for books we can both enjoy.

Enter The Jesus Storybook Bible.

It's recommended for children 4 and up, but we've enjoyed it already. The pictures by Jago are colorful and detailed, and the book itself lives up to its subtitle: "Every story whispers his name." Sally Lloyd Jones weaves forty-four stories into a beautiful tapestry showcasing God's plan and His love for us in Jesus. (And unlike other storybook Bibles, she doesn't shy away from the difficult places--including Abraham's almost sacrifice of Isaac and Jesus' crucifixion).

Last week, Miss Thing and I were reading in the New Testament, and on two separate mornings, I began to cry as I read the stories to her. After she went down for a nap, I stole downstairs, book in hand, to curl up and read more myself.

This book isn't just for children, parents, and Sunday School workers. It's for anyone looking to see the beauty of God's plan. The overall picture is breathtaking, and the individual stories are worded simply and yet profoundly.

Now I have my own copy at home. So, I can remember truths like "And they were lovely because he loved them" and "Jesus was making the sad things come untrue" anytime I want to (p. 26 and 220, respectively).

Want to know more? Click here for The Jesus Storybook Bible website

When Life Takes Over...

2011-02-15T18:25:00.019-05:00

I entered January with high hopes and a very detailed schedule. I did this so that I would move forward and "be successful" in my writing life.

Guess what?

My writing life is like my life in general, things rarely go as planned.

Only a couple of blog posts marked my progress at the end of the month, and I entered February with no editing completed. But oh, did I have confusion, frustration, and not a little guilt.

As I looked back over my month and my failure at this to-do list, several truths came to mind. I share them with you in the hopes that they'll encourage you in your own frustrating times, writing-centric or not.

First, God is sovereign. If it was His plan for me to do everything on my to-do list, it would get done. But more importantly, it is not my faithfulness but His that guarantees the outcome of a situation. Too often I rely on my own sufficiency and must be reminded that only He is all-sufficient. I can't force something He hasn't allowed OR screw up something He has. If UnClean is to be published, it will be. I can't mess that up, even if I do fail at blogging, reading books on craft, networking, etc. I can be a good steward of my gift and trust Him and His plan, but nothing rides on my shoulders alone.

Second, I must be asking Him what He has planned for my day, week, month. Maybe something else is more important than item #4 on my list, but if I don't have a humble, open spirit I will view that important thing as an unwelcome interruption and object of frustration rather than as an opportunity.

Third, writing isn't the only thing God has for me. Sometimes I view my call to writing as my CALL. However, it's not the most important ministry/activity in my life; it's one of them. A dear friend recently reminded me of the eternal significance behind my keeping Miss Thing. How convicting. I don't nanny only to pay my bills and fulfill my call to write. Right now, I am called to nanny and write and blog and be a good friend, sister, daughter.

Fourth, no progress isn't really no progress. Even though I didn't edit in January, I was thinking about the novel and making notes. In a similar vein, waiting and being faithful in other areas prepares me for my writing future. (see Lynn's insight on this).

Finally, guilt gets you nowhere. I can't change what was left undone in January, but I can fix my eyes forward and work on my goals for this month.

And that's just what I'm doing.

Book Review: Lady In Waiting

2011-02-13T16:49:00.001-05:00

In January, I mentioned that I've been given the opportunity to review books for Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing Group. In return for a honest and unbiased review, they sent me Lady In Waiting for free (and I am required to include this disclaimer: "I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.") So without further ado, my thoughts:

Jane Lindsay and Lady Jane Grey's lives are separated by several centuries and joined by one ring.

When Jane Lindsay's husband of twenty-plus years accepts a new job out of state without asking her to come with him, she is forced to accept that their marriage isn't as happy as she thought. As she begins to contemplate her life, a beautifully crafted ring comes into her possession.

A ring with her name engraved in it.

And this ring leads her on a journey to discover as much as she can about the original owner, who she begins to believe was Lady Jane Grey.

Through the eyes of Lucy Day, dressmaker to the Lady, we see that Jane Grey was also faced with difficult decisions and pressured by those around her. In the end, each Jane must choose--to be active in her own destiny or let others decide it for her.

Lady In Waiting by Susan Meissner was beautifully designed, and Meissner does a masterful job of juggling two time periods without confusing her readers or giving them culture shock. The transition between the periods was well paced, and I never felt lost as I read back and forth between Jane Lindsay's narration and Lucy Day's--which is not an easy feat for an author to accomplish. I also particularly liked the tension Meissner built in Lady Jane's story and wished for more time with both Janes.

With that in mind, however, I felt like the book contained two novellas, which were sufficient but slow to get going and without the full character arcs I craved. In Jane Grey's story, I wished for more insight into her mind and wondered at Meissner's choice to have Lucy narrate instead of the Lady herself. In Jane Lindsay's story, the resolution of her journey felt rushed. I would've loved to see Meissner include faith here as well and have this Jane live out--and not just note--the book's tagline: "Love is a choice you make every day."

Overall, I enjoyed the peek into sixteenth century England but closed the book wishing for more.

Want to check it out for yourself? Click here to read the first four chapters.

Why Relentlessly Pursued?

2011-02-02T20:48:00.001-05:00

The subtitle of my blog is "Reflections on Standing Still," and most of you dear readers know that God has been teaching (and continues to teach) me what it is to "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). I am learning to be still and wait for His voice; be still and watch Him fight on my behalf; just be still in an otherwise chaotic life. You know this because I've blogged about it.

But I'm not sure that I've every fully explained the title: Relentlessly Pursued. This recently came to light when a friend's husband spotted the title and said something along the lines of "Wow! She's bragging about beating back guys? Or that she want to be a women who does that?"

Wow indeed. Luckily, my friend knew the background of the title and quickly corrected his assumptions before he felt the need to alert my community group of my growing pride. Later, when she told me, I laughed--because nothing could be further from the truth, and let's just leave it at that.

The situation did, however, make me realize that I should clarify for you who is pursuing, who is being pursued, and why.

Back in 2007, when I started this blog, God had been walking me though my own Valley of Achor (or Trouble, Hos. 2) for several months. The man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with and who I was planning a wedding with changed his mind and walked out of my life. His pursuit of me vanished, and his promises twisted into ashes that blew away faster than I could close my hands around them.

And I felt unlovely, betrayed, abandoned, unsure, and unwanted.

But God was there.

And as I began to read back over my journal entries, I saw it. That God was coming after me even there. He lead me to Hosea 2:14-20, part of which reads,

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there will I give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.... And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD."

The words were sweet healing to my wounded heart. God would walk me tenderly through the valley to hope, and He would not change His mind. He would (and had already) asked me to be His bride, and He would not relent. His love would be steadfast.

During that season, God continued to pursue me through His Word, through His Spirit, through the friends and family He encircled me with, through the flowers He sent me, and through the new dreams He gave me--both a non-fiction piece and my first fiction project Steadfast, to name two, came out of that season.

And as I look back on that time now, I see that His pursuit has only continued, even during the "silence" last year when I felt so alone. I see now that He was gently saying, "I'm here. I haven't left you. Do you still doubt me? My promises do not fail."

It is a pursuit that began when I was born two months early with a heart defect, continued on in my physical healing when I was young, and pushed into that small first and second grade Sunday School classroom where He first whispered my name and opened my eyes.

He is the Relentless Pursuer.

Before the foundation of the world, He knew who would be His, and He has stopped at nothing to make them His. Don't we see this in the Old Testament as He comes after his rebellious children again and again? Don't we see it as He put on flesh, came to earth, and died on the cross to redeem us? For those that belong to Him, we know He came after us when we were running in the opposite direction, and He did so because of His great love. And the pursuit doesn't stop there--for we are still prone to wander, as Robert Robinson wrote.

Most importantly, I know Him as the Relentless Pursuer because His Word teaches us that "God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners;" that "even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes;" that "God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 1:4, 2:4-5, NLT).

The gospel displays God's relentless pursuit of us, and my life testifies to it.

Being relentlessly pursued has made all the difference.

The Best Laid Plans

2011-01-24T20:42:00.001-05:00

"The best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew," or so Robert Burns wrote in his poem, "To A Mouse."

How true this is for well-intentioned blogging writers as well.

You see I had grand hopes for my productivity in 2011--namely that I would become a cyborg, need only a minimal amount of asleep, and never see my friends but turn out some great fiction, produce three blogs a week, study craft, read other blogs by those more skilled than me, oh, and exercise seven days a week. Ha!

It's time to be realistic. And humble myself. I can't, in my own power, keep up with all that I am "supposed to be doing" in order to have a successful writing life and be 35 pounds lighter by the end of the year.

But I can be disciplined about what I've been given and trust the rest to God. The Most High. The All-Sufficient One. The Sovereign One.

With this in mind, I plan to blog TWO times a week and not three. I will still blog on Mondays and Wednesdays, with the latter being my devotional journey day. Mondays will be for book reviews and writing life updates, and doing this will allow me a little breathing room at the end of each week to sleep and actually see people, so I know you guys will understand. Thanks for being patient with me.

What about you? Are you having to refocus your resolutions?

Sex Trafficking And The Superbowl

2011-01-19T21:38:00.003-05:00

I am shocked.

How has the Superbowl (among other major sporting events) been a prime locale for sex trafficking young girls without us as the general public hearing about it until this year?

And why has it not been stopped?

I had to share. So we all know now.

And we can do something to stop it.

Begin by clicking here to learn about the Texas organization standing up for the oppressed.

UPDATE (1/21):

I wanted to include a news article about the Superbowl problem for those who haven't heard.

As well as make fellow North Carolinians aware the January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Just today Fox News Latino posted a story about how trafficking is on the rise in North Carolina. Read that story here. The Biblical Recorder also ran a story on Human Trafficking in 2010 with signs to look for in potential victims and the Human Trafficking Hotline number. Click here for that information.

Book Review: Immanuel's Veins

2011-01-17T21:29:00.003-05:00

In the year 1772, Toma Nicolescu, servant of the Empress of Russia, is charged with protecting the Cantemir sisters. His life is changed forever when he enters into a centuries-old war for the heart and soul of the woman he comes to love. The other suitor is dark, beguiling, and evil to the core, and his only hope is the blood which flows from Immanuel's Veins.

This is Ted Dekker's 2010 release, a book which touts a life-changing message on its cover. A book which I read twice to make sure I felt as strongly about it as I do. A book I cannot recommend.

This is not to say I didn't enjoy the work in places, after all I was intrigued by what an accomplished author like Dekker would do with the genre in question. The book's design (including cover, colors, and weathered pages) were crafted specifically to begin the story before the first page was ever opened, and for that, the design team at Thomas Nelson should be congratulated. Also, Dekker is an incredible story-teller; he weaves worlds with such detail and precision that they come alive for readers, and this is true of Immanuel's Veins. He produces an engaging read complete with a well-formed setting and the perfect tone for his storyline. Moldavia with its winding roads, furious thunderstorms, dark castles, and unfettered royalty sets you on the edge of your seat before you've even spotted the real danger. Which is? You've guessed it: Vampires.

And to this credit, he makes the vampires work in his allegory. They fit the role of dark suitor, enemy of God, almost perfectly. Dekker's characterization of them, their lifestyle, philosophies, and victims defines human nature, lust, the lure of temptation, the twisting of truth in temptation, and evil well. I don't think he could have done a better job fleshing the darkness out if he'd tried. I also think his decision to tie in vampire lore with the reference to Nephilim in Genesis six was inventive and creative.

However, he may have done too good a job showing us evil. The sensuality and violence in the book was overdone and at times embarrassing. I didn't need to be immersed in either as much as I was to understand the true condition of the Valerik clan. (Or our hero for that matter, as a passage in chapter four reads like a Harlequin romance).

And the hero is another downfall of the book. In addition to his overt sensuality, Toma's love for Lucine is almost instantaneous. He speaks of his love for her on page forty-seven after only one conversation with her, and most of his thoughts linger on the physical. While he did show sacrificial love for her in the end, this act came after so many declarations about her physical attributes that for most of the book I felt conflicted about how deep his love ran.

Finally, I was disappointed by the unclear allegory in the story. Lucine is a great portrait of the bride who is fought over by two suitors, one seductive and evil and the other loving and life-giving. Likewise, Vlad isn't identified as the devil by name, but he is The Enemy, evil personified, and in contest with God and Toma. On page 189, his speech rings of Satan's temptation of Jesus in the Gospels, and he goes so far as to refer to himself as "I am who I am." With that in mind, I expect his mortal enemy to be the Jesus figure. Here, Toma falls short as well, but maybe he is supposed to. Perhaps he is not the Christ figure but merely any imperfect but redeemed person who loves another held captive by evil (as the final page would hint). This reading fits in line with Dekker's overall plot, but it's troubling and not clearly outlined. In a fight against Satan, only Jesus (God, the Holy Spirit) wins, only Jesus' blood saves, and I'm not sure that is made clear in the end, which leaves me with this conclusion about the book--Evil overwhelmed in its definition and depth while the light of Jesus was not quite as bright as my soul wanted.

Unfortunately, the good in Immanuel's Veins doesn't outweigh the darkness.

But this does:

Jesus, Eternal Son of God, knew what He was getting into when He came to earth. He came while we were still His enemies and before we loved Him. He chose not the most beautiful in the world but the ugly, foolish, weak, and despised. He saw our current state and what it would take to transform us. Knowing all this and what it would cost Him—He still chose to die out of love for us and the glory of our Father that we might gain redemption, the forgiveness of our sins, freedom, and adoption as sons and daughters (Ephesians 1-2, 1 Corinthians 1).

Amen and amen.

From Idea To Publication

2011-01-14T08:30:00.013-05:00

I have a complete novel which might be publishable--note the use of the word "might." I also have some incredibly encouraging friends and family members who want to know when it'll be published.

I must share with you that it's going to be a while.

Not because I'm being humble but because acquiring a publisher and putting a book on the shelves is a long process. So, although I am by no means an expert in the realm of publishing--I barely qualify for the term novice--I thought I'd give you an idea of what's behind us and before us where UnClean is concerned. (For the insight of a friend who is already published, see Sue's blog).

Ready?

Step One: Get an Idea. This can happen anywhere--at a coffee shop, at work, while showering (see Lynn's blog), or while you sleep. I was working on another project at Wake Forest Coffee Company when I got the initial idea for UnClean.

Step Two: Know the Characters, Cast Them if Necessary. Before I do just about anything else, I compete character profiles (seventy-seven questions about their life and background) on my main two-three characters as well as biographical sketches on the other players. I cast them, using actors and models to realize the images in my head.

Step Three: Plot the Story. For some writers, this step is minimal; they know their characters and the starting point and just write (these writers are know as "pantsers" because they write by the seat of their pants). Other writers, like me, are plotters--I do a rough chapter outline of my plot before starting.

Step Four: Write It. This task can take as few as four weeks or can stretch on into oblivion. I prefer the fast and furious method, i.e., NaNoWriMo, for first drafts and set a goal to finish in two months. This is because my Internal Editor is incredibly loud and helpful, and I end up bogged down in word choice and revision if I take a more measured pace.

Step Five: Edit and Revise. Edit for complete and complex plot arcs. Edit for character development. Edit for consistency in voice. Edit the first chapters in light of the final chapter. (This is where I am currently working).

Step Six: Give It to Someone to Read and Ask Them for Feedback.

Step Seven: Edit Based on the Reader's Feedback. Edit to eliminate reader confusion.

Step Eight: Work through the Manuscript with a Critique Partner/Group. Here I'll edit the following: Point-of-View (POV), dialogue (for realism, cadence, individual voice, and tags), passive voice, weak verbs, awkward phrasing, word choice, adverbs, showing not telling, grammar, and the list goes on and on.

Step Nine: Put It down for a Bit. No one can work on something for this long of a period without a mental break, you go crazy otherwise. This is the time to work on something else, read other books, have some popcorn, and not think about the book.

Step Ten: Read the Book and Edit Again.

Step Eleven (optional): Have a Professional Critique the Book. Be prepared to do more editing once he or she is finished.

Step Twelve: Attend a Conference to Pitch the Book to Agents and Publishers. (The ACFW conference is in September. See how far I have to go?!!) The One-Sheet, Elevator Pitch, and Book Proposal should be completed while I'm working on steps ten and eleven. The goal is to leave the conference with an agent and/or publisher requesting a partial manuscript (mss.) to review.

Step Thirteen: Bite My Nails Waiting to Hear back from the Agent/Publisher. Meanwhile, query agents and/or publishers I'm interested in working with who also handle my type of work. Research both small and large publishers, e-publishers, partnership publishers, and self publishers depending on needs and mission statement.

Step Fourteen: Acquire an Agent, If You Are Planning to, and I Am. Rachelle Gardner is a CBA agent and her blog has great information about acquiring an agent and the role of an agent. (The following steps will be somewhat different if you have an agent).

Step Fifteen: Out of the Fifty Queries Sent, Three Publishing Houses Request a Partial Mss. Send it to the acquisitions editors quickly and pray.

Step Sixteen: One Acquisitions Editor Wants a Full Mss. Send it. Pray harder. (At this point, the process could abort, sending me back to step thirteen).

Step Seventeen: If He or She Thinks It Shows Promise, The Mss. Goes before Their Pub Board. This group decides whether or not to publish the book. (I probably go back to step thirteen, but maybe I go forward...)

Step Eighteen: They Offer to Buy the Book and the Contract Arrives. Go over it (with or without a lawyer) and decide if I'll sign. I do.

Step Nineteen: I've sold a book!! Now we enter what is typically another twelve to thirty-six months of preparation. More editing (did you really think we were done with it?). Cover and layout design come together. A marketing plan may be put into action (I'll have my own as well).

Step Twenty: Wait. Most large publishing houses buy books two-three years before the publication date.

Step Twenty-One: The Book Releases. I buy a copy or twenty-five. Call all my friends. Tweet it. Facebook everyone I've ever known. Stand in the bookstore and hand it to people. Enjoy.

And start over...

*sighs heavily* I need a nap. But no time, I've got to go edit! And I promise I'll keep you updated every step of the way. :)

Resolutions...

2011-01-12T20:56:00.000-05:00

Have I waited too late to blog about my New Year's resolutions? After all, it's January 12th already, and just about every blogger I know has published a post about them. Hopefully I'm not too late because I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to keep those resolutions I've made.

I've resolved to be more disciplined in several areas this year, not the least of which is my health (i.e., exercise regularly, eat better, and lose weight). You know the drill. But can I make it happen by just trying harder?

That's the thing about me and resolutions--I make them because I am doing so poorly in a particular area that I think more self-control and self-discipline will fix the glaring error in my life. But if that's all it takes, why is my weight an issue? I've resolved to lose weight a lot in the last ten years, and I'm fairly certain trying harder isn't going to fix me this year. Neither will guilting myself or setting a goal. (Don't get me wrong--those things are helpful and I will try harder and have set goals).

So, where's the power coming from?

Me or God?

If I'm trusting in myself, I'll fail. The gospel teaches me that. Self-sufficiency is idolatry and doomed from the beginning.

However, if I trust that God is gracious and powerful to sanctify every part of my life, I can ask for His help and lean on His strength to purify these areas. And that's what I need this year. I need to bring my health, my writing life, and the other places where I lack discipline or motivation to Him. For He loves to change His sons and daughters for His glory. In fact, He has promised to do just that.

So, overall, I'm committing these areas to God. Asking Him to sanctify them. Choosing to view them as ways to worship Him. And bringing each temptation, each nudge to quit or cheat, to Him as well. For this is how change happens.

Paul Tripp said, "You and I live in little moments, and if God doesn't rule our little moments and doesn't work to recreate us in the middle of them, then there is no hope for us, because that is where you and I live."

What about you? Do you have resolutions for 2011? Whose power are you tapping into to keep and reach them?

___________
Want to read more? Check out John Piper's thoughts from 2009 or the full article from Paul Tripp.

As We End One Year And Begin Another...

2011-01-10T20:42:00.002-05:00

The last time you heard from me I was furiously typing away at the last chapters of UnClean. Well, I am happy to say that I did meet the goal of 50,000 words in order to score this:

And as a NaNoWriMo winner, I can purchase that cool writing software (Scrivener for Windows) for 50% off when it releases, and I receive one paperback copy of my book from Amazon's CreateSpace for free! Plus, during a "Thank Goodness It's Over" party in December, I won a year's membership to NC Writers' Network, which offers educational and networking opportunities for writers here in North Carolina.

Most importantly though, on December 13th, I wrote the final word, number 68,288, in my draft. Praise the Lord!

Some of you that know my writing life was frustrating for the majority of the year--stumbling through one project only to start over again and again. But, I am so grateful for God's grace in the last two months through the above and the encouragement of my friends and family.

And now I have the first complete original manuscript I've written in twelve years. Thank you Jesus!

So what's next?

Well, for UnClean, lots of editing and numerous drafts in preparation for ACFW's fall conference. (More on that Friday).

As for the blog? I have new plans here also. My goal is to begin posting three times a week. Beginning this week, I'll post a devotion or spiritual journey entry on Wednesdays.

Fridays' posts will be exclusively about writing--updates on my own progress, insight into the process for my encouraging friends who don't write, and helpful links for my writer friends. Several of you have asked me what the next step is now that I have a complete novel and when it'll be published, so this week's post will cover the novel writing journey from idea to publication to give you an idea of what's ahead.

Finally, Mondays will be devoted to book reviews. I'll review one new Christian fiction book, one Young Adult book, and one book published by Waterbrook Multnomah a month. Why will one week be devoted specifically to Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing Group releases? It's because they have given me the opportunity to review copies of their books on my blog and on their website. I'm excited about this opportunity and hope you will be too. For more information, click on the Blogging for Books badge on the lower right hand side of this page.

My first review will be of Immanuel's Veins by Ted Dekker (published by Thomas Nelson) as I promised several ladies my thoughts on this book once I was finished with NaNoWriMo.

Sound busy enough for you? I hope so. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for 2011 and am grateful for each one of you who take the time to walk along with me!

See you Wednesday :)

3,995 Words To Go

2010-11-28T21:44:00.004-05:00

Hello all! It's the end of week four for NaNoWriMo, and I know you might be thinking, What happened to week three?

Well, the end of it got bitten by the Week Two bug. I sailed right along through most of week three. And then Saturday hit and with it trouble. My body had enough of the long days and lack of rest and rebelled in the form of what I am beginning to think of as "Stress Sickness"--the cold and flu symptoms that seem to develop anytime I choose to push myself a little harder than normal.

I cried and lamented and called my sister to moan about finishing a novel when I felt that crappy. Whether it was the fatigue or my normal crazy, I'm not sure, but I do know that I despaired of reaching my goal, of finishing the novel, of ever being able to finish a novel. (Like I said, crazy). Luckily, she listened and told me to put away the computer and rest. My mom told me to do the same when I told her I hated leaving Noah unconscious in chapter 14 but I started crying every time I opened Scrivener.

They wisely realized I was exhausted and needed to rest before I would be sane again. So I did. For four days, I took it easy and didn't write. Itching to pick back up the netbook the whole time and feeling my pesky little IE gaining strength with each day.

Until Thursday.

After celebrating Thanksgiving with my family that afternoon, I sequestered myself in my old room at home and set a goal of 16,000 words in four days. I stopped only to shower, sleep, and make my meals. My family graciously allowed me to disappear. And now, at the end of that time period, I can say that I surpassed my goal by 655 words!

As we are coming up on the last two days of NaNoWriMo, I'm already appreciating what I'll carry away from the experience: The knowledge that I can write 6,000 words in a day and not lose my mind. The reality that it is possible for me to write on workdays without overdoing it. The reminder of how fun it is to let the story flow and see where it takes you. Not to mention the twenty-four chapters I didn't have on October 31st.

After such a difficult year, it really is hard to believe that I've written 48,005 words in twenty-eight days. But I have! Praise the Lord. And while some of them will definitely hit the cutting room floor in my first edit, most of them make me smile contentedly. It's been a crazy journey, and I've continually been surprised by my characters and the choices they've made. But it's been worth it.

Now, on to those last 3,995 words....

Dreaded Week Two

2010-11-15T20:36:00.003-05:00

I heard horror stories about Week Two (that's right it's capitalized). Everyone on the NaNoWriMo website talked about it being the week to push through. My inbox was flooded with e-mails from the NaNo team encouraging me to keep on going. Needless to say, I was intimidated by how hard they said it would be.

Turns out? It wasn't so bad. It was actually pretty great. Even considering the fact that I nannyed a very sick and unhappy baby last week. I was able to finish the week with 25,247 words (over the halfway point in just fourteen days)! And with those words came crazy, exciting, and frustrating new changes. Those changes? Well, I rearranged several chapters, had Maddison confess deeper feelings than I had planned, and added a death threat to the plot just to spice things up a bit. This story continues to surprise and excite me. And after a year of stumbling through six chapters of another project, I thank God for the fact that as of yesterday I had eleven complete chapters. ELEVEN!

And I would not have made it through these fourteen days without my family and friends asking me about the story, praying for me, and commenting on facebook. Three of these friends were special gifts last week, and so I'm going to brag on them a little bit 'cause I'm so grateful:

First, I have Sue. The woman who started the online crit group I've been a part of, and the woman who introduced me to NaNo and gave me great tips for preparing for it. My friend is already published, with good reason, and I can't wait to stand in line at a book signing for her. The novel she worked on during NaNo last year rocks my world, and I agree with Erynn that "it's gonna be huge." This wonderful writer friend is extra busy with a husband, her boys, civic duties, and her own writing pursuits, yet she has cheered me on in just about every facebook status, left me comments over here, and sent me links. If my book is half as good as hers, it'll be worth this crazyness. Sue's a genius and I'm so glad to know her.

Second, my friend Rebecca. She doesn't write fiction herself, but she will listen to me go on and on about mine forever. And she is always excited about it to. :) She has designated herself as the "spontaneous hang out friend" this month because she knows I can't make plans to be with friends but wants me to have a way to see one of my girls if I need a break or have already met my word count for the week. She drove up from Durham on Thursday night just to encourage me with her presence and pizza. She told me on Friday that she is already planning a celebration for the two of us at the end of this crazy draft. My job is just to let her know what day I finish. This mysterious celebration is motivation enough to finish.

Finally, my best friend and co-journeyer in this crazy writing process, Erynn. She's my accountability, in that I have to send finished chapters to her and keep them coming. She reads each one and then e-mails me only positive feedback so I am encouraged to keep on going. (In fact, after reading chapter ten, she paid me one of the highest compliments an author can receive). In addition, of her own accord, she's decided to critique every single chapter but save them up in a folder until the month is through so that I'm not tempted to revise early. Finally, she is fielding no less than two, and sometimes many more, phone calls a day when I start to freak out about what comes next or how my characters are complicating things. Most of the time, I just need to hear myself talking about the situation to realize what needs to happen (and that it's really not a crisis). But in the moments I need insight, I can call her and, without having to give her a complete backstory, ask for her input. Invaluable. She's completely invaluable to me, and I know I would've gotten off this crazy train in week one were it not for her counsel and her demands for more Noah.

To these three women, and all of my other sweet friends, thank you. I dedicate this month to you.

Now on to week three...

At The End Of Week One...

2010-11-07T20:36:00.002-05:00

Well, it's Sunday evening, and I've officially finished week one of NaNoWriMo. And what a week it's been! God has been gracious to grant me 14,163 words. (i.e., a crazy amount of words!) And it turns out, I can ignore my evil internal editor (IE). I left bracketed words and questions throughout the six chapters I churned out last week. So, my IE's probably just storing up her wrath for December, but for now I can say it's been a great writing week.

I am also grateful for the fellow WriMos, friends, and family who've encouraged me on facebook and e-mail this week. My facebook page was filled with people cheering me on which helped me reach my word count goals every day this week, even on Tuesday--the day I hated what I wrote but kept on going. I know it would've been harder without my cheerleaders.

Finally, I am grateful for the story that's developing. I am having so much fun with Noah, Maddison, and their community that I can't wait to sit down and write what happens next. So, with that in mind, I thought I'd interview Noah for you, indulge me...

An Interview with Noah State (21):

Author: Would you describe your appearance for us?
Noah: Well, I have brown hair and green eyes. Daniel would add that I have a constant furrow on my forehead, but that's only when he's around. *chuckles* I'm in fairly good shape, mostly from playing football and wrestling in high school and running now. Does that answer your question?

Author: Close enough. Now, if you had one day to live, what would you do?
Noah: I would start the day at the beach, getting up early to run on the sand and watch the sun rise over the water. Then I'd wander through old civil war sites for the morning and afternoon, and end the day by having dinner with my brother at some sports bar with greasy food and some football.

Author: Wow, you didn't have to think about that last one at all. On the other end of the life and death spectrum, what brings you joy?
Noah: Simple things--like watching the sun rise, a well-made americano, a fully restored book, a greasy cheeseburger with fries, oh, and making Maddison smile.

Author: I like that list. Tell me, what motivates you to do the things you do?
Noah: (pauses to think for a moment, finger tapping on his mouth) A sense of duty, I guess. A thirst for justice, and the hope of there being something better in life.

Author: By something better, do you mean eternity and God? Do you have a spiritual walk with him?
Noah: No. I think there must be a God, but, if I'm honest, I'm sure he's already made up his mind about me. I'm guilty and he just hasn't punished me yet.

Author: I'm sorry. Maybe it won't always feel like that....

So, dear friends, do you have questions? About Noah? The story? My writing process? Leave me a comment, and I'll do my best to answer them and give you a sneak peek into Maddison's head next week.

Until then...

Because I'm Just A Tad Insane...

2010-10-30T22:09:00.003-04:00

I've signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), a challenge to write 50,000 words in a month. A first draft in 30 days. A completely insane endeavor. One I am very excited about.

You see, I have this incredibly loud internal editor, and she likes to stymie my progress by demanding that I pick the perfect word, turn of phrase, and punctuation or else. And "or else" consists of staring at a blank document for hours until I give up. I will concede that she is very helpful for editing and revising, but for first drafts? She's my antagonist.

So, I'm choosing to use NaNoWriMo to break her a little bit. I'm hoping the word count goals (1667 a day, more on Fridays and Saturdays if I want Sundays as a sabbath) will force me to tune her out and help me reclaim the joy of that fast and furious first draft.

And if I meet my goal? I'll have a complete manuscript before the end of the year, which would be a huge boost to my beleaguered spirit. I will also be able to purchase Scrivener, the best writing software on the market for 50% off when it is released in February. (Today I was able to download the Windows Beta version for my NaNoWriMo draft. Previously, it was available only to Mac users). The authors at BRMCWC raved about the software and now I see why. *insert small squeal here*

This complete manuscript will be especially exciting because it's the first in a four book YA (young adult) series. I love to read this genre myself and knew I wanted to write a YA novel at some point. Unfortunately, I didn't have any plot ideas that would be engaging to the 12-19 age range until two weeks ago. Being stuck in my current WIP, I decided to take a break, and days later, God gave me the new series idea complete with story arcs and a cast list.

I've spent the last two weeks building my futuristic dystopia, casting the series, outlining it, specifically book one, and creating character profiles for the three main characters. I'm thrilled at where it's headed and what it could be. My hope stems from the fact that both teenage girls and boys, Christian or not, could pick up a copy, be hooked, and walk the journey of redemption and eternal perspective with Noah, Maddison, and Daniel.

Book one is tentatively titled UnClean and will be my project for NaNoWriMo. It's about Noah State, who is twenty-one, a Liquidator in The Elite, and at the end of his rope. Trapped in a career that leaves him more blood stained by the day, he's beginning to think of death as a coming relief. Until he meets Maddison James. Her love whitewashes his guilt and gives him hope. But their relationship must survive his brother's interference, a rival for Noah's affections, and a dangerous rebellion brewing in their backyard to have a future. And if it does, will Maddison's love really be enough?

Intriguing, no?

I hope so because I'll be blogging my NaNoWriMo experience this month, and I hope you'll join me by reading along. I'll share my word count progress, my frustrations, my successes, and what I'm learning about Noah and Maddison (and myself) along the way.

On Monday, I'll attend my first "write-in" at the local Caribou Coffee with other WriMos (participants). Should be fun!

Until then...

Why Are We Abstaining?

2010-10-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

I read a magazine article recently about "putting off happiness." The author shared how she often chose a cheaper or simpler food item simply because she couldn't get past the prices on the menu. And she was usually left craving more for passing up what she really wanted.

Now I am not advocating selfish or irresponsible spending, but I do wonder--how often do we as Christians pass up a pleasure for the wrong reasons? Not out of necessity, discipline, or obedience but out of fear, pride, or self-righteousness.

Do we bypass dining out for fear that though we have money this week who knows what will happen next week? Do we make decisions out of fear that we won't have enough fill-in-your-favorite-blank here down the road if we enjoy God's gifts today? And even if the wise choice is to abstain, are we forgoing out of wisdom and good stewardship or out of a heart of distrust in God's provision?

Do we abstain from dessert, music, art, fiction, or rest out of a sense of legalism or pride? Does it make us feel more holy to spend an evening cleaning and serving rather than going to an art museum or reading a great piece of fiction? Do we turn away from the piece of chocolate because we'll feel a sense of control at doing so? Do we forfeit TV or movies for the appearance of holiness?

The Apostle Paul wrote, "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful" (1 Cor. 6:12). So I am not suggesting we abuse our freedom, but I do believe that we often avoid God's provisions of food, art, and rest out of a false martyrdom or a sense of others' expectations.

These are gifts for our enjoyment from and under Christ. And He is the point. "The point is not what you abstain from but pursuing the beauty of Christ."*

The next time you find yourself gazing longingly at the slice of chocolate cheesecake, ask yourself, "What will help me love Jesus and His beauty more? In the short term and the long term?" The answer may be to opt against the short term gratification out of a desire to honor God with your body and a choice not to seek satisfaction in your food. At another time, you may choose to eat the dessert out of a celebration that God made it, knows you love chocolate cheesecake, and gave you the opportunity to savor it well. If this is the case, then eat it in the grace of God and thank Him for it.

Regardless of which decision you make, even if it's the same one you would've chosen otherwise, your mind will be focused on Christ and motivated to pursue Him. And not held captive to pride of fear. This is true freedom.

-----
For an in-depth treatment on the place of pleasure in a Christian's life, I recommend: Gary Thomas' Pure Pleasure (Zondervan, 2009).

*Quote from "Following Jesus," a sermon by Sean Cordell. Treasuring Christ Church. September 12, 2010.

Psalm 86

2010-10-06T19:00:00.001-04:00

This is both my prayer and the truth I preach to myself right now:

"Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Preserve my life, for I am godly;
save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.
Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.

There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things;
you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O LORD,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
and they do not set you before them.
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and be gracious to me;
give your strength to your servant,
and save the son of your maidservant.
Show me a sign of your favor,
that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
because you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me."

Compelling Characters

2010-10-01T14:56:00.004-04:00

As an avid reader and writer, I love characters that won't let me go. I've even been known to continue reading a poorly written story simply because I liked the author's leads enough to care what happened to them (even if that included inventing my own version of their story once I put the book away).

Unique and sympathetic characters are one of the hallmarks of a great novel. I might even posit that without a main character exhibiting these qualities no reader will make it through your incredible plot idea. After all, I have to like someone in order to care what happens to them, right?

So, in that spirit, I am sharing four characters who keep me thinking about them long after I've turned off the TV or put down the book:

1) Todd Spencer (The Christy Miller Series, Robin Jones Gunn). I was introduced to Todd when I was sixteen--two years older than Gunn's protagonist, Christy Miller. Christy is ordinary, responsible, and a little desperate for love. The series follows her from this impressionable age through her graduation from college, and Todd is present for it all. Unlike Christy, Todd is a mature, God-seeking, purity-protecting, sixteen year old surfer with "screaming silver blue eyes." And I fell in love with him. Throughout high school and college, Todd was my ideal. I may have even prayed that God would give me a man like him. And while Todd was never perfect--he is uncommunicative to a fault--he represented something I was looking for. I still take these books out once a year to re-read Todd and Christy's story. And maybe even hope a little.

2) Lt. Walter Novak and Allie Miller (A Distant Melody, Sarah Sundin). A Distant Melody is a fairly new book, published this year as Sundin's first novel, but it is easily the best World War II fiction piece I have read. And this has everything to do with Walter and Allie. Allie is beautiful and well-off but longing for a love that is more than convenience. Walter is the stumbling, shy airman with a kind heart. Both consider themselves unattractive. Both struggle with what truth is. And both are delightful. Their chemistry and the appreciation they find in each other hooked me by page thirty-six. Love changes the way we see ourselves and that is definitely true of Walt and Allie's relationship. I couldn't wait to read their happy ending fast enough.

3) Neal Caffrey (White Collar, USA). Neal Caffrey, played by Matt Bomer, is a suave and slick criminal. The intelligent con man who can flirt his way into any situation. Neal could be the poster child for the bad boy every woman thinks she can save. And in his case, she might be able to. Neal's world thrives on shades of gray--except when it comes to his friends and the woman he loves. He'll do anything for her and is trusting to a fault. He's the con man with a heart of gold. And he's a genius creation. One of the best I've ever encountered. I just can't get enough of his story.

What about you? What do you think makes a great character and who are some of your favorites?

Hope Hurts

2010-09-25T17:30:00.004-04:00

Why are we so uncomfortable with seeing the deep aches in other women? With admitting our own? Why must we be so ready with a band-aid or distraction?

You know what I mean—a friend is sharing from the deep well of her heart and the immediate response is compassion. The silent reaching out to her. And it is beautiful.

But short-lived.

Within moments, someone rushes in with a silver lining, a call to examine her heart for sin,or a word of advice. We wrap her problem up into a perfect package. We solve the puzzle. We brush over her pain. Or our own.

Why?

Why are we so like Job's friends? Who, to be fair, are better friends than us. They sat in silence for a week with Job before offering their advice (Job 2:12-13). They wept and were without explanations for seven days. Think about that. Seven days and seven nights of sitting in the ashes with a friend. Can we learn to do that? Oh, how I hope we can.

Because grief hurts. Unmet Longings ache. Life makes us groan. Even hope is painful at times.

And that's natural—not the way it should be, but the way it is. Because we live in a fallen world and Jesus has not yet returned to restore all of creation. Romans 8:18-26 tells us that creation itself groans and aches to be realized from the curse. That the earth experiences birth pains. If creation aches and cries out, doesn't it make sense that we would as well?

We do not experience contentment or fulfillment now because we are not meant to. This world is broken. And it is right for us to ache over what is skewed. It is right to hope for Jesus and life as He intends.

We have the hope of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit within as a foretaste, but we act as though any aching should have been abolished upon receiving the Holy Spirit. As though we should not struggle with the suffering we are promised.

But receiving the Holy Spirit actually awakens our eyes to just how broken the world and we are. To how much more we want right relationships, a godly marriage, or freedom from disease. Whether or not we experience the fulfillment of these longings here on earth, we will be more aware of the disparity between what life is and what life should be.

I think that's why hope hurts. To truly hope we have to acknowledge just how deeply we want the fulfillment. And just how broken we will continue to be without it. We want something we cannot see—and cannot control (Rom. 8:24). And even to admit that deepens the longing's ache. Praying about it pokes at the pain. Talking about it causes it to throb. Waiting with patience, as we are commanded to do in Rom. 8:25, hurts. It is easier not to want, to be dead to our longings and to distract ourselves with lesser things.

Because hope is messy. It's raw and rather like childbirth. And while its fulfillment is always worth it, that doesn't lessen the pain. Can you imagine telling a woman in the throes of a 24-hour labor that her pain is really not so bad because she'll have a baby by tomorrow? While that might be true, it is not helpful and it just may get you killed.

Which brings me back to my original questions—Why do we try to fix the problems of our beleaguered friends? Why do we distract ourselves from our true longings? For some of us, we just aren't comfortable with these emotions and we hate that someone is in pain. We want it to go away. For others, I think we speak into it because it is messy and that doesn't fit with our perspective of the Christian's victorious life. Regardless of which reason, most of the time, it's about feeling better and not about serving another person or growing ourselves. I know because I do it. More than I wish I did.

So what should we do? Give into the pain and sit in the ashes forever? Absolutely not. For the woman who has Christ has hope. A day is coming when life will be as it was meant to be—full of joy, contentment, love, security, and LIFE (Rev. 21:4). We must never forget this in our encouragements and prayers.

But, more often that not, we need to enter into the messy aching and groaning, the ash-covered grief, for ourselves and with our friends. We need to sit and be silent and pray and love. We need to acknowledge the pain and how hard it is and may continue to be. We need to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). And ache with those who ache. And get up only when God says to do so.

Resting In The Truth

2010-09-13T21:33:00.006-04:00

Those of you who are familiar with The Village Church and Matt Chandler know what a year of testing it has been for Matt, his family, and the church. His wife Lauren's post from last week was especially convicting and encouraging to me as I read it.

I hope it will serve to prune your perspective as well:

The Superfluous Shoot

Practicing Gratefulness

2010-08-18T21:49:00.005-04:00

It's been a hard summer, but tonight I want to dwell on God's blessings, especially those within the last week. Why?

Because He commands it: "...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Th. 5:18). And because in this difficult season, I can still see his goodness to me. So, here goes:

I am grateful that I was able to help move Hope into her freshman dorm at North Greenville University last Friday. She's got a heart for Jesus and a passion to take the harder path, and I'm proud of her.

I am grateful that the whole family was part of the move! What a fun day--especially since it's Faith and I's Alma mater as well.

I am grateful that I got to enjoy a visit and dinner with my Granny on my way back to the mountain. Dinner consisted of western North Carolina BBQ (i.e., not vinegar based), hushpuppies, and good conversation :)

I am grateful for my parents' quiet and consistent obedience on the mountain and their quiet and consistent love for me.

I am grateful for my roommate--her food experiments (that I get to sample), her wisdom, her perspective on singleness, her encouragement in food/exercise discipline, and even her rants. This week has been a lot of fun. Check her out here :)

I am grateful for 90 calorie Snickers Ice Cream Bars. Sometimes the smallest pleasures mean so much. Especially when you are counting your calories and pushing a stroller around the mall just to get some exercise in!

I am grateful that Faith is coming to spend the night with me tomorrow. Even though she's coming for other reasons, I'm really glad I'll get to see her for a little while. She's become such a disciplined, focused, beautiful young woman and I'm so proud she's my sister. Oh, and she has a fun food blog too.

I could continue, but I'll save those for my prayers tonight. May God bless you with eyes to see His good gifts in the same way....

Memphis, Tennessee's Own... Logan Boyd

2010-08-06T22:00:00.007-04:00

Today was a writing day for me, and for the first hour and a half, it crawled by. There is nothing more frustrating than nothing your characters, what needs to be accomplished in this chapter, what will cause that development/insight--and not being able to get it out of your head. I admit that I may have spent thirty minutes casting the godly mentor family in this chapter, but after that I just could not get my characters out of the subway and into the house.

So, I stopped and prayed. (Please quit shaking your head at me, I know). Then I jumped ahead a chapter, and guess what? The scenes just flowed. Within three and a half hours, I had six new pages! Praise the Lord. I must tell you that when the scenes are flowing that quickly, I get to know my characters the way that readers do. Who knew my grumpy old men were going to turn into protective white knights? Not me! Until I wrote it that is.

It's one of the things I love most about creating new stories--the surprises your characters throw at you. Or maybe that God throws at you, giving you an even greater insight into who they are and what He wants them to display.

With that in mind, and to make up for leaving you hanging with Abigail, I'd like to introduce you to someone I'm getting to know.

Thirteen Things You Need To Know About Logan Boyd:

1. What is his birthday and age? June 3, 1980; he's 27 at the beginning of the novel.

2. Physical Appearance: He has blond hair that is short on the sides and slightly longer, tousled, and spiky on top. Brown eyes. He has a prominent forehead and oval shaped face with a cleft in his chin and confident smirk. Tall (6'3"), broad shouldered, and lean.

3. Type of clothes most often worn: charcoal suit, white button down, and tie by Gucci.

4. What is his occupation? Attorney--he practices family and estate law. Was this the occupation he'd always desired? Yes, since the day he persuaded his 8th grade English teacher that his efforts were worth at least a C. As he matured, he realized that he could use these skills to smooth the life transitions (marriage, divorce, buying and selling a home/business) of others in a way that his own family lacked.

5. Financial information - how is the character set financially? He's doing well for himself, having already paid off his educational loans and with a down payment for a house already in the savings account. And did I mention the Gucci ties? So yeah, he does alright. His parents scraped by on one income and disability after his father was injured in a work-related incident in 1985; Logan's vowed never to be put in that position.

6. What are his hobbies? He runs marathons, skis in the winter, and is often roped into restoring classic cars with his dad.

7. What are his personal goals? To make partner at--and then run--Harvey and Riddle, the law firm his uncle Lewis Harvey began in 1970 with James Riddle. To travel the world. To be a prominent citizen in Brierwood, NC.

8. What was his childhood upbringing like? He's the youngest of three, the only boy. His sisters dressed him up as their baby doll until he was old enough to hide from them. He'll always be their "baby brother." His mom loves him, but he's never quite been the mechanical son his father wanted. He loves his family, but he's tried to "rise above" their social, educational, and economic status for so long, he doesn't have much in common with them anymore. Except for Jesus--he knows they love Jesus and whenever he's confused about his own relationship with God, his father's the one he calls.

9. Has he ever been in love? He is now--for the first time with Sierra MacKenna. Falling in love with her has been a welcome challenge and enthralling experience. He knows she's the type of woman he's been waiting for all his life, which is why he asked her to marry him.

10. Does he like to watch movies or television? Yes. His favorite movies are Mr. Smith Goes To Washington and A Time To Kill.

11. What kind of car does he drive? A 2005 Black Ford Mustang Convertible.

12. What are his phobias? Peniaphobia (fear of poverty), Atychiphobia (fear of failure), and Raccoonaphobia (fear of raccoons). This last one is the result of being bitten by one when he was 7; the rabies shots solidified his fear.

13. Is he a Christian? Yes. Logan accepted Jesus at a youth camp when he was 13. He attends Gospel Community Church every Sunday and reads his Bible during his lunch hour every weekday. He knows that Jesus is his reconciliation to God the Father and rests in that for eternal life. It's the day to day that's a struggle, especially knowing that God could allow him to fail and end up in the same situation as his father. He's determined to do everything he can to safeguard against it--and prepare for it--in case it happens.

So, what's your first impression of Logan? Are you ready to join him on this new journey with Sierra in Brierwood? Let me know.

Faithful In The Everyday

2010-07-24T16:26:00.006-04:00

Several weeks ago, I picked up Noel Piper's Faithful Women & Their Extraordinary God. I've owned the book for a while and decided it was time to sit down and read the biographies of the five godly women Piper chose.

Sarah Edwards, Lilias Trotter, Gladys Aylward, Esther Ahn Kim, and Helen Roseveare were all women who chose to be faithful to their Savior and the callings He had given them. Their lives spanned 250 years but all showcase a beautiful lesson--What God can do in and through one surrendered life.

I have always had great respect for Sarah Edwards, wife of Jonathan Edwards. Her faithfulness in the mundane tasks of running a household so that her husband could be free to fulfill his calling to pastor challenges me. She was a true Proverbs 31 woman. A wife and mother who loved her family, directed their home with precision and care, and served the young ministers who came to study with Jonathan. Although I am not a wife or mother, being a nanny has taught me a little about the uninspiring routine of laundry, changing diapers, and making bottles. Don't get me wrong--I know these are important tasks. Being a helpmeet to your husband and raising little souls is one of the highest callings one can have, but that doesn't mean some of the daily responsibilities are exciting, appreciated, or eternal. They are, however, part of a larger foundation of love, faithfulness, and service which allowed Sarah's influence to reach far beyond the four walls of her house. And for that, I am both grateful and humbled.

Helen Roseveare is also a model of faithfulness. I was unfamiliar with Helen before reading Piper's book, but her life and journey with God give me pause. Helen was born in England and spent most of her life serving as a missionary doctor in Zaire (then known as the Congo). Facing language barriers, unsanitary conditions, political coups, illness, and rape, Helen lived and doctored among the people God had called her to for over twenty years. I don't face any of those challenges currently, but my spiritual struggles are similar to hers. I am tempted by pride, self-righteousness, and perfectionism just as she was. God used the problems above to work these sins out of Helen's life, and I know that He will do the same for me although the circumstances might be different.

Commenting on perfectionism and lofty goals, Piper said, "Perhaps [this] is an issue for some of us--struggling with the reality that God has called us to do less than we want to do or less than what we believe is best. That can happen in any setting. For me, it's been especially true in my years with small children--'I got a college degree for this?' Maybe our problem is the way we see ourselves. Maybe we think more highly of ourselves than we ought.... When God called Helen to less than she expected, he was helping her become like Christ, rather than like the best doctor or missionary she knew of." *

What a true statement. Doing what I love well, getting paid for it, and earning the respect of my peers doesn't necessarily make me more like Jesus and give God a greater opportunity for glory. But doing what's right and loving and selfless when I'm exhausted, covered in spit up, and haven't heard more than "ma ma ma ma ma" all day, that--for me--is the true test of faithfulness. It's sanctification. And a chance for God's strength to be made great in my weakness.

_____________________
*Noel Piper, Faithful Women & Their Extraordinary God (Crossway: Wheaton, IL), 172.

Explaining "The Platform"

2010-07-13T21:58:00.003-04:00

After last week's blog post hit facebook, I had several comments asking for more of Abigail's story. Alas, it has not been written...yet.

When I sat down to write Abigail and her platform last week, I wanted to see if I could evoke that feeling we all know so well. That feeling of waiting.

You see, this is a "not yet" season for me. Though I have been blessed with time to write, an encouraging network of writer friends and friends who just love my writing, and a loving and supportive family--I am waiting on the fulfillment of several heart longings. One of which I have been praying about for twelve years now.

You might think that since I have been waiting on this promise for twelve years now, I would be rather good at it. However, I must admit that I am too much like some of the people on Abigail's platform. I don't handle waiting well. I distract myself from these longings instead of taking them to God. I try to fill those voids with other things. And what am I left with? The birth of a deeper emptiness than before.

When will I learn that my voids are made to be filled by and with Him?

What if it takes all of my life to wait well and retrain my instincts?

I can't answer those questions. I do look forward to the day when I will feel those longings start to rise, and my decision will be to take them first to my sovereign, wise, loving Father.

Until that day....

The Platform

2010-07-05T20:19:00.004-04:00

Abigail taped her black pump against the worn, rouge floor and glanced at her blackberry again. The clock over the arch raced forward. And still it wasn't time yet. Her eyes flitted over the others.

Everyone handled this platform differently. The businessman negotiating an earlier departure with an obscene amount of money. The young wife with her arms full of Pier One, Macy's, and Williams-Sonoma bags. The sleeping thirteen year old. The eater. The iPOD blarer. The reader. They were scattered throughout the platform: on benches, in corners, near the edge glancing into the darkness.

They were the same. Resigned to and distracting themselves from the train's absence and hoping for its arrival.

Wind blew into the enclosed space and the sound of clanking tracks grew louder. Everyone leaned forward.

The shiny green engine and passenger car squeaked to a stop as one name flashed over the door. Sighs echoed around her. Abigail huffed. The iPOD kid's name was Jerry Fitzwilliam? He grabbed a worn messenger bag and ran to the doorway, pausing for the retinal identification.

When the train pulled away, the mood darkened on the platform. Actions took on a new fervor. A low-lying fog of despair crept in, and Abigail stared into the familiar face of her blackberry.

When would it be her turn?

And God says, "Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed... those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." (Psalm 34:5,10b)

People More Important Than Me

2010-06-22T20:59:00.004-04:00

I've been pondering this week's blog topic for the last several days. Alas, no light bulb went off over my head and inspiration hasn't bloomed. However, I have some dear friends (and family) who are writing and working on exciting things this summer, so I decided to share four of them with you.

1) Susan Kaye Quinn is my friend and the creator of my critique group, and Sue's Life, Liberty, and Pursuit released today! I'm so proud of her for this accomplishment and grateful for all of her help and encouragement. Knowing her has made me a better writer. Want to know more about her book?

2) Erynn Newman, my dear friend and fellow writer, recently joined the blogging world. She's blogging about her writing journey. Click here :)

3) My new writing friend is Lynn Blackburn, and this week she's blogging about the power of story--both in fiction and in God's plan. Her blog today on falling into a great story made me gaze longingly over at my bookshelves to pick out a favorite. It came with a great reminder that we are all characters in God's story. Not major players, but characters with a purpose no less. Please go check it out.

4) Finally, my family has begun their 15th summer at South Mountain Baptist Camp. Last week was the first children's camp, and a host of problems including malfunctioning wells, electrical storms, and bee attacks put my parents and the rest of the camp through the ringer. But praise the Lord, He spoke louder than those distractions to 24 young people who accepted Jesus as their Savior before the week's end. Week two, another children's camp, began yesterday with 240 new campers and counselors and a new set of problems. Please be in prayer for the staff, counselors, and--most importantly--those children who do not have a relationship with Jesus. To find out more about the camp and how you can pray, visit this site.

What are you clicking first?

Finishing...

2010-06-14T18:50:00.003-04:00

I am proficient at starting new projects, story lines, exercise regimens. Well, you get the idea. The problem is--I need help finishing. Looking for an example? Take my plan to blog last week's writing one day at a time. I started out great, on day one, but no posts followed. Organizing may be my strong suit, but discipline is not.

And that was never more apparent to me than last week. In the span of seven days, I experienced weakness in eating right, exercising, money management, time management, consistency in Quiet Time, and I'm sure other areas. Now, I realize that I cannot make myself perfect or holy. Praise the Lord that is God's work, which will be completed when He returns.

However, I have a part to play as well, and God reminded me of Romans 5:3-4 last week. "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."

What produces hope? Character. Well, I want both of those. What produces character? Endurance, which is itself borne out of suffering.

I want to be a woman of character. A woman who finishes what she starts. And character, like weight loss and novel writing, is not an overnight venture. I must endure in whatever God brings my way. And today I start with small steps: thirty minutes with God, thirty minutes exercising, and an hour writing. Small goals for victories that lead me closer to the long-term result.

Would you pray for me in this endeavor of discipline? Would you share your own strategies for discipline and character-building? Would you join me?

A Taste Of The Writing Life

2010-06-07T19:58:00.004-04:00

Okay, so the title isn't perfect.

Writing has been a part of my life since I could type on our family's old Word Processor, and I seriously began the writing life in July of last year. But this week is different.

I get to write full-time this week. I feel as though God is giving me a glimpse of what this endeavor could look like. And it's incredible.

I woke up, did a little yoga (that's right, she exercised!), finished some chores, had a nourishing quiet time while I ate breakfast, and then sat down to critique, edit, and write for a whole day!

I don't take this gift lightly. Nor do I think it's a perfect life, free of frustrations, crazy schedules, writer's blocks, rejections, etc. I am grateful, nonetheless.

My goal is to power through a chunk of An Unwavering Devotion, formerly called Steadfast, so I can finish the first polished draft by the next time our newly formed, yet to be named, writer's group meets on July 19. So I need to be diligent this week.

And what do I have to show for my day? A revised Plot Skeleton (courtesy of Angela Hunt; does anyone else feel like these are getting thrown out left and right?), an updated outline, continued background on two new characters, a new title, and the editing of five chapters. Wow!

I could get used to this....

A Magnifying Glass To My Heart

2010-05-29T21:11:00.004-04:00

The conference ended just over a week ago. In that time, I have been madly processing all of the creative and technical lessons poured into us over those four days. And I've mentally re-written this blog several times. I couldn't decide whether to share how enlightening and challenging it was to sit under Steven James for four days or talk in detail about the sweet grace that Deb Raney exudes.

"Which won out?" you might ask. The answer is "Something else entirely."

During my time at Ridgecrest, the Holy Spirit convicted me in three areas. Areas I wouldn't have guessed would be explored while learning about writing, but the lessons were timely for me nonetheless. I'm praying that I would submit these areas to his leadership and humble myself daily so that He will work Life in my dark heart.

1) Excellence
I was sitting in Steven James' "How to Write Thrillers, Action, and Suspense" class on Tuesday. He was talking about cause and effect in stories and counseled that we should analyze every sentence with this standard. "Every sentence?" I thought, "That's a lot of work!" Across the room, another conferee voiced my attitude. Steven responded something like this--Yes, it is hard work, but it takes hard work to create a great book. As a Christian, do you want great art?

I was frozen. If I am a daughter of the King and say I've been called by God to write, then I should write nothing less than excellent novels. We are called to a standard of excellence in all of life, including writing.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.... Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." -Colossians 3:17,23

2) Submission
I am humbled that I hadn't thought through this particular revelation before. I mean, I write novels about biblical gender roles, which includes submission; I should've seen it coming. But I didn't. After several days of hearing authors and editors talk about standards and rules, I was overwhelmed by all I needed to change based on the current style and preference in publishing. I had a conversation with another conferee who stated that she planned to write the way she wanted and knew that God would open a door at the right publisher. Which may happen.

However, the Holy Spirit reminded my spirit that we are to submit to our authorities because He has placed them over us. How this changed my perspective on house standards! As a woman who believes in the beauty of submission, if I choose to place myself under a publishing house's supervision and leadership, I must acknowledge its authority over my work and my career. I do not have to agree with their preferred methods of craft and punctuation, but I must submit to those methods if I choose to work in this industry. This too shows the beauty of Christian unity, leadership, and submission. It keeps the name of God from being reviled.

"Let all who are under a yoke as slaves regard their own masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be reviled. Those who have believing masters must not be disrespectful on the ground that they are brothers; rather they must serve all the better since those who benefit by their good service are believers and beloved." -1 Timothy 6:1-2

3) Humility
How quick I was to look down on another. I regret to say how often I judged the pride and lack of self-awareness in other unpublished authors. I mentally patted myself on the back for keeping quiet and spewed bile once away from those interactions, often as early as the door stopped swinging behind me and Erynn. God forgive me. Do you remember that verse which says "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks"? (It's in Lk. 6:45). My mouth spoke and showed the pride and darkness of my own heart. I am ashamed to admit it.

On Tuesday, I wrote Psalm 19:13-14 on a notecard and carried it around with me for the day. This was my prayer: "Keep back your servant from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless... Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

As I walk away from the conference with new writing ideas, I also leave with a clearer perspective on my heart. I pray God will continue to build excellence, submission, and humility in me. And I pray the same for you.

BRMCWC Day 3: How Tired Am I?

2010-05-18T21:27:00.001-04:00

The answer to this question is “Too tired.”

But I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the day and share my experience with those of you who are praying for me. Apologies in advance for a lack of clarity or excitement :)

Now that I have two full days of classes behind me—full of helpful, challenging, and encouraging information—I want to tell you which workshop has been most beneficial to me: Steven James’ “How to Write Thrillers, Action, and Suspense.”

Who would’ve thought? Especially because Steadfast isn’t a thriller, action, or suspense novel. However, I do want to incorporate these elements into my writing, and his thoughts on story, pacing, and tension have my creative wheels turning. I may have to work through a major revision of the plot, but I know that this story (and the stories that come after it) will be better for taking his class.

Praise God for classes outside my genre and comfort zone!

Now, for real, to bed.

BRMCWC Days 1 & 2: Are We Overwhelmed Yet?

2010-05-17T21:16:00.000-04:00

Luckily, my answer to this question is “Only a little.” Yesterday Erynn and I arrived at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (henceforth known as BRMCWC) feeling mostly excited and a wee bit anxious.

At the end of day two, here are my highlights…

1—Meeting like-minded souls who are genuinely excited for you (and vice versa) when you have a great critique or pitch appointment. One of these ladies lives only minutes from me in Raleigh, and she’s been such a sweet blessing in the last two days. The encouragement and familiar faces of these women between classes, on walkways, and at meals has been one of my favorite parts of the conference thus far.

2—Having a positive and uplifting critique appointment with Deb Raney.  I submitted my synopsis and first pages for Steadfast to Mrs. Raney back in February and have been awaiting this meeting for months. On the way over today, I think I prayed something along the lines of “Please Jesus just don’t let her tell me I don’t know what I’m doing or that it doesn’t work and I have to set it aside.” Well, praise the Lord, she was so much more positive than that. She liked my POV, my characterization, and—most importantly—Grey! The weaknesses she spotted are not major but their exclusion will lead to a much stronger manuscript. Overall, I felt very optimistic as I left; in fact, I might have floated out of her classroom.

God is good…now to bed please!

If You Were In My Head...

2010-05-07T21:16:00.000-04:00

Five months ago, I admitted for the first time that I am an aspiring author. Since then, I have joined a critique group, set aside one day a week to write, and prayed often for God to write His story with my favorite characters (although I think as an author you aren't supposed to have favorites--like parents don't have favorite children!)

Next Sunday will be another first in this journey for me. I'll be attending my first writers' conference, specifically the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (aka BRMCWC). I am excited, terrified, and overwhelmed by the idea.

And if you were in my head this week, it would sound very similar to a blog post from fellow BRMCWC attendee, Lynn Blackburn:

Go ahead, click it. Laugh, shake your head, and then pray for us over-analyzers!

I am fighting anxiety more than I would like to admit. However, in the midst of creating business cards, a career/ministry tagline, and elevator pitch for my current WIP (Work In Progress), God has been faithful to remind me of two truths:

1--He is with me. He goes before me and walks besides me. He upholds me with His right hand (Isa. 41:10, 13).

2--He is sovereign, even over my unpreparedness, lack of experience, and wardrobe. His purposes stand forever (Prov. 19:21).

So with that in mind tonight, I let myself feel only excitement about learning new techniques, gaining inspiration to continue my WIPs, meeting like-minded souls, and being able to do all of this with my best friend and unofficial writing partner, Erynn.

How great is our God!

The Idolatry Of Planning

2010-04-25T17:31:00.009-04:00

I am a planner. Obsessively so. Anyone who knows me can attest to this fact. I keep a day planner, an itemized budget, a weekly menu and grocery list, and have a "running ticker" of to-do items in my head at all times.

Being able to plan out my life is calming to me. It allows me to see the people I love and complete my other commitments and responsibilities. It gives me peace to mark items off a list.

It is a control issue for me.

Because planning is my way of trying to fight anxiety and take control of a life I often feel overwhelmed or confused by. It can very often be an idol. A revelation God is slowly making plain to me. Yesterday, He used this devotion from Jesus Calling to prick my heart:

"I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with no condemnation."*

When I read this passage, I felt like God was speaking directly to me because my fear does manifests itself in pulling out the day planner, making a list of people to call, grabbing control where I can. And it does hinder my intimacy with Him. For in those moments that come too often, I am not running to Him.

May I choose today to still myself and remember who God is instead of running to my pen, my phone, or my calendar. I pray the same for you. For when we do this, He will remind us of His truth in Psalm 46:10-11: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

_______________________________________________
*Young, Sarah. Jesus Calling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. p.119.

Where We Will Best See Him

2010-01-31T12:00:00.003-05:00

I was reading a section from Geoffrey Bull's God Holds the Key yesterday, and his perspective gave me a lot to think about: "To see the King in His beauty must be our one desiring; to hunger, thirst and take our fill of Him. And if He makes us stand in some obscure and darkened corner of His palace yard, we can be sure He puts us there because from that distinct advantage we, with our present stature, will behold Him best whenever He comes passing by."

Read that last sentence again.

God places us in the one corner that will allow us to best see Him, seek Him, know Him. Acts 17:26-27 gives a similar concept: "And He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him. Yet He is actually not far from each one of us,..."

I must admit that I feel placed in a blessed corner today as though I were standing perhaps near the banquet table in His throne room. Being back in Raleigh, keeping a beautiful baby girl only 4 days a week, and having the freedom to write and hone my craft as never before--not to mention the pure snow outside today--has me sighing in happiness. But three years ago, I would have definitely considered myself to be ash-covered in that far right, dark corner of the outer courtyard.

Now, I don't know how you would describe your seat in the palace today. Maybe you feel very content and happy in the throne room. Maybe this is one of those dark seasons, potentially it seems like a long and unending season. You might find yourself somewhere in between, hovering in the doorway of the throne room but unwilling or unable to choose entrance. But wherever you are, let me speak this truth to you: God is a sovereign and loving Father. He has set you in the absolute best place for you alone to see Him--even if it doesn't seem like that.

I encourage you that this day, this season of life, contains the opportunity to see God in a richer, deeper way than you did yesterday, and by doing so, to love Him more and to truly understand His love for you. And isn't that what life is ultimately about?

________
Bull, Geoffrey. God Holds the Key. Chicago: Moody Press, 1959.

Am I Sane And Sober? Are We?

2009-11-03T12:12:00.003-05:00

"What steps are you going to take to keep your mind sound and your heart sober so that you don't gradually slide into the subtle mental delusion that this world is what really matters, and then lose your alien identity? If this fall you slowly show the signs of dabbling with the mind-altering pleasures of the world, who is going to be close enough to spot it? I urge you to consider that this is what small groups at Bethlehem are for. They are meant to combat the creeping, drunkening, mind-altering, deluding effects of this God-ignoring world. They are meant to be recurrent jolts of reality. Repeated sessions of reality therapy. They are meant to be bi-weekly sessions where the first stages of addiction to the world can be detected and lovingly confronted and remedied with the Word of God and the power of the Spirit." -John Piper

(from "How Aliens Keep the Identity of The Homeland" based on 1 Peter 1:1-2, 4:7-10).

Wisdom From Betty Crocker

2009-10-21T16:46:00.007-04:00

"Hail to the women of America! You have taken up your heritage from the brave women of the past. Just as did the women of other wars, you have taken your positions as soldiers on the Home Front.... The efforts and accomplishments of women today are boundless! But whatever else you do--you are, first and foremost, homemakers--women with the welfare of your families deepest in your hearts."

General Mills as "Betty Crocker" wrote the above in 1943's Your Share: How to Prepare Appetizing, Healthful Meals with Foods Available Today. World War II, and the responsibilities it required, proved that women were equal to men in person and ability without destroying the dignity of a homemaker. Reminiscent of the woman described in Proverbs 31, many ladies stepped out of the house for the sake of their families and the men overseas. Living within God's design to selflessly care for their husband and children as men are called to selflessly provide for and protect their wives, sons, and daughters.

How refreshing to find a mindset that applauds both a woman's role in the marketplace and in the home. May we not lose that viewpoint completely in our generation.

How Has It Been Two Months Already?

2009-10-06T15:25:00.003-04:00

How grateful I am for everyone who is praying for me during this season. I know that it's been two months since I last sent a formal update, and the reason for this is that I didn't really know what to pass on to you.

I have spent a little over a month back at South Mountain (near Morganton, NC) with my parents, Hope, and Jacob. This time has given me the flexibility to seek stillness for my heart as I pursue wisdom about what is the next step God would have me take. My family has been incredibly supportive, and the time “on the mountain” has definitely been good for me. I have begun volunteering one day a week with a local housing ministry to homeless families and will also be working for Family Christian Stores through the holidays. Both of these opportunities allow me to serve the community and fill my time so, hopefully, I am less likely to be lazy. God has also given me a Bible Study to attend on Wednesday nights which has been such a sweet time of fellowship and praise with people my own age. I am very thankful for the many opportunities God has given me during this season.

As for what is next? I am not sure. Moving to Tampa has been put "on hold". God has brought some heart issues to light, and I am praying through those, studying His Word to seek wisdom, and talking through them with both the team and my family. My tendency is to run on ahead if only God will point me in a direction, but God has stilled me completely in the last month and a half. I would love to share specifics and details and plans, but I believe that God would have me be still and silent until He speaks. As I've been reading through Nehemiah in my quiet time, I have been convicted not only by the amount of time Nehemiah spent praying through what God laid on his heart, but also by his silence until God had clearly provided for and instructed him on the fullness of the project. I am so quick to want to garner feedback, ask for opinions, etc.

So for now, I ask for your prayers and your trust that I will share more once God has been clear about what He wants. Please pray that I will be humble and stand SILENT as long as I need to. Please pray that I will have the wisdom to discern His voice and His hand in these circumstances. Please pray that I would be faithful to make progress in the areas where He has already spoken.

I am grateful for each one of you; thank you for investing in and loving me--you are a blessed privilege and responsibility.

Moving Forward...

2009-08-02T16:12:00.007-04:00

"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in You." Psalm 33:20-22

Thank you all for your patience in hearing from me! I planned to update after my visit to Tampa but became sick the day after I got home. I was able to return to work this last week and am definitely feeling more normal today. How was my trip? Beautiful, confusing, and overwhelming all at the same time! I had the privilege of sitting down with each member of the team during my stay, and hearing their hearts was so enlightening even if I didn't finish processing these conversations until I was home and sick on my couch. This non-processing was the overwhelming element of the trip. However, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in fellowship with the Perrys and Tuckers, especially during missional community (Bible study and accountability) and Abigail's birthday party. That was definitely a treat. :) I also had the opportunity to spend a day driving around Tampa by myself, and--surprise--I didn't get lost once! I can definitely see myself living in Tampa with its beautiful bay and eclectic neighborhoods; Davis Islands was a particular favorite, and I was even encouraged by the people that struck up a conversation with me in Panera and a local coffee shop. So, all in all, I would say that it was a good trip.

"And where does that leave you?" you might ask. Well,...
*This coming week will be my last at InQuest Ministries. I will be frantically attempting to finish writing a step-by-step manual of how to do my job (as I was unable to finish training Ronda because I got sick). During the evenings, this week I will be seeing a couple friends, helping Pregnancy Support Services move to their new office, going to small group, running errands and paying bills, and job hunting.
*For all of next week (August 8-15), I will be volunteering at South Mountain Baptist Camp, spending time with my immediate family, seeing extended family, and saying goodbyes to friends there. I will be at Burkemont on Sunday, August 9th.
*During the week of August 16-23, I will be back in Wake Forest job hunting, packing up my apartment, and sayings goodbyes. On Sunday, August 16th, I will worship at Faith. I'll be back at small group on August 20th and at North Wake on August 23rd.
*For the week of August 24th, I will be moving.... I'm just not sure where yet. If I have a job in Tampa, I'll be headed down there. If I don't have a job, I will either be moving in with the Newmans or my parents, as both families have graciously offered me a place to lay my head until I do find a job and can move to Florida.

With all this in mind, I quoted Psalm 33:20-22 at the beginning of this post, and I pray that it would be the attitude of my heart as I pray for the team, the other core group families, and myself. In the midst of moving forward without definite plans, I pray that we would truly wait on the Lord. I am so prone either to make a plan and complete it without resting in God's provision or to become anxious and do nothing. I pray that we would remember Who it is we serve and trust Him as our help and our shield. I pray that our hearts would not be anxious or full of man-made plans but glad in Him as we choose to trust in His name. And I pray that His steadfast love would be over all of us as we hope in Him and in what only He can do!

Finally, I wanted to say that I have been so grateful for each note and e-mail you've sent as well as the many prayers you have lifted up on my behalf. During this next month, I covet your prayers for the following:

1-My heart. As I mentioned above, I am struggling with choosing not to be anxious, discouraged, or consumed by these preparations. Please pray that I would trust God's timing and provision, seek Him at every turn, and submit to whatever He has planned.

2-A Job. As I will be living on savings from August 8th on, please pray that God would quickly provide a job in Tampa which will be strategic for the Kingdom and provide for my needs in the city. I was able to apply for a position with one of the universities yesterday; this job opportunity is especially exciting to me. Please pray for favor with the human resources staff if this would be God's will. Please also pray for discernment as I seek out other job possibilities and carve out the time to apply for them.

3-Provision of a van/truck. Although I have made plans to sell some of my larger possessions, the use of a van or truck to transport my belongings to Tampa would be such a blessing. My family and I plan to use our cars currently unless something else becomes available as the cost of renting a vehicle would outweigh the value of the items we are moving.

4-Provision of $900. Being sick and out of work this month paired with several unexpected costs (like the replacement of my glasses) leaves me short this amount for moving expenses, the first month's rent, etc. Please pray that God would provide for these expenses before I begin the official transition.

Thank you each for your prayers and support. I will try to keep you updated in a more timely manner as the month progresses!

A New Opportunity To Stand Still

2009-06-26T21:24:00.008-04:00

How quick I am to want to make a plan, explain my reasoning, argue my case, etc. So begins my Tampa update....

In May, the Perrys and Tuckers moved to Tampa; already, we have been given opportunities to rejoice over the hearts God prepared before their arrival. Both couples have had the opportunity to build relationships with neighbors, business contacts, and moms who are, at the very least, eager to get to know the team and be known by them. I am so excited about the men and women God has given Justin, Jackey, Drew, and Jessi to love.

Excited enough that I began counting down the days until my arrival! After all, I visit in less than a month, and my job here in Wake Forest ends 19 days later. With the timeline under 2 months, the discussions about my move have taken on a more technical nature. During one of these discussions, it became apparent that the team had not been aware that I was planning on moving regardless of whether or not I had found a job. This fact has made both families concerned on my behalf. I know they love me and want to know they are giving the best counsel possible. It is because of this concern that they have talked about the idea of me not coming until I have secured a job.

I must confess that I have been discouraged because this shift would change a lot of my plans as it is not an option to remain on the payroll at InQuest or in my apartment with Lauren. Everyone is praying that God would give us discernment about the timing of my move.

One thing I do know--God is sovereign and has not been caught by surprise at this situation. He has continually prompted me to submit to whatever His decision would be. I do not wish to be impatient. I believe He has offered me another opportunity to stand still and wait on Him. And I truly do not wish to be like the Israelites who ran after other rescuers and plans because God was not acting in the time period they thought He should (Isa. 30:1-5). I pray, and would ask you to pray, that I would wait on Him not only for when I am to move to Tampa but also for when I am to know when I'm going to Tampa. I pray that my attitude would be that of Isaiah 30:15, 18: "For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength'.... Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."

I am grateful for each one of you who has promised to pray with me, and I apologize that I have not been as faithful in updating you as I should have been! Over the next several weeks, would you pray:

1-That God would be glorified above all else.
2-That I would submit to our Heavenly Father and the team.
3-That Justin, Drew, Jackey, and Jessi would have great discernment as to how to counsel me.

Until He moves....

How Great A Debtor...

2009-06-10T20:04:00.003-04:00

My prayer this week:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

from Robert Robinson's "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing."

Moving Week for the Perrys/Tuckers

2009-04-28T21:30:00.005-04:00

What a week! And it's only Tuesday. :) We've had the commissioning service for Covenant Life's pastors and families, a corporate prayer meeting for both church plants, and a going away party for the Tuckers. Tomorrow it'll be time to finish loading boxes, wipe down counters, and say goodbye to the Perrys and Tuckers.

Goodbye for 12 weeks. Everyone keeps saying it'll go quickly, and I'm sure it will. But I'm going to be missing them nonetheless! Would you please remember both families as they are on the road Thursday and unpacking this weekend. They would ask you to pray for safety during travel, opportunities to share even as they travel and unpack this weekend, and that they would love each other well during this transition.

Thanks for praying!!

And an update on me & Tampa is coming this weekend. :)

Pondering Fiction

2009-04-21T21:00:00.013-04:00

I've been writing fiction for as long as I can remember. In my writing folder, I even have a type-written script from my early elementary years. I can honestly say that my writing has improved since then! A fact for which I am grateful.

Within the last several years, it's grown harder to find time to write my very independent characters. I miss the time often and have looked for ways to "carve out" a writing night once a week, but even that has turned into my night to blog or work on other non-fiction projects. As I am learning to be more disciplined with my time and calendar, my fiction time has seemed to shrink even more.

Over the past several months, I have really struggled with whether writing fiction was even something worthwhile *ducks in anticipation of stones and begs to be heard out before more stoning takes place*. I have felt guilty about taking a night away from my accountability relationships, errands and "to do lists", and what seems to be more serious, biblical projects in order to write about imaginary people and their problems. I have wondered if it's a waste of the short time God has given me here on earth.

This led me to put aside my plotlines for a while. And, I have missed them.

Tonight, I decided to do a little research on what Christian thinkers said about this subject. After a little surface research, I was quickly reminded of C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and George MacDonald--profound Christian thinkers whose fiction works sit on my bookshelves. One article tied in fictional writing with Jesus' use of parables (fictional stories with a spiritual truth).

So, here's what I'm pondering right now: I think that writing imaginatively, like any talent, is a gift from God. A gift He has mercifully given me. A gift to be used wisely but definitely to be used. Like other gifts, it can be used for our own idolatrous purposes or to bless other people with the grace we've been given. I should be asking myself why I am writing--is it for my own glory or to bring God glory? I should be writing as a means to encourage, challenge, and bless other people instead of out a need for catharsis personally. Writing should be a worshipful and servant-hearted endeavor.

At least I think so. I'm still contemplating. What's your opinion? I would love to continue reading on this subject if you have any suggestions....

Principles To Test Our Wisdom And Counsel

2009-04-09T17:58:00.006-04:00

This is an incredible message from Matt Chandler (of The Village Church in Texas): A Shepherd and His Unregenerate Sheep.

He gave this message at the Desiring God 2009 Pastors' Conference, but I feel like it is helpful for every Christian to test both what we are learning as well as what we are teaching and counseling. It is a great message for those of us who have been walking with Jesus for a while. I pray that Covenant Life Church will live life according to the Gospel and these principles from 1 Timothy 4. May we never get over the GOSPEL and its authority and power in every area of life!

Wait For The Lord

2009-04-08T18:14:00.011-04:00

I am so thankful that God works through some of my ordinary activities! For example, I like to have some kind of "noise" on in the background as I work, especially when I work alone. So, Monday I visited John Piper's Desiring God to find a sermon to listen to; I wasn't feeling too strongly about any particular sermon, so I decided to listen to the featured sermon God Works For Those Who Wait For Him. God used it to speak graciously to my heart; it was something I absolutely needed to hear. I was humbled by just how perfectly this message fit my current situation.

So I wonder, "In what part of your life do you need God to move? Is there a financial, emotional, relational, physical, or spiritual circumstance which is out of your control or beyond your understanding?" I pray that you would be encouraged by God's promise and the notes below:

Isaiah 64:4 says, "From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for Him."

Our God, the one true God, is unique, unlike any other god man has created (v4a), because He carries us (Isa. 46:1-4) and exalts (lifts up) Himself to show us mercy (Isa. 30:18). Piper said, "He magnifies His greatness by condescending to serve us." What a humbling thought.

Our God is competent--He will not, cannot, fail at anything He plans (Isa: 46:9-10), and He plans to provide for all our needs (Phil. 4:19).

Our God works for those who wait. (In one sense He works for everyone, see Mt. 5:45; however, He moves in a wider and deeper scale for His children). So the questions remains, "If God works for those who wait, how do we wait?" Piper noted three ways to wait, which I found incredibly helpful (i.e., practical):

First, resist the temptation to go elsewhere for help or counsel; do not be like the Israelites who looked to other people, nations, and gods for help (Isa. 31:1; Ps. 106:13) Instead, PRAY. Seek His counsel first. At every interval, stop and pray. Ask what He would have (Ps. 55:22, Phil. 4:5-7, 1 Th. 5:17, 1 Pt. 5:6-7).

Second, BE STILL. Rest and trust in His strength (Is. 30:15-17), and stand still in quietness (Ex. 14:13-14). Watch Him move on your behalf. Regardless of the fact that "a lot rests on you, your zeal or preparedness," He may want you to sit down and let Him work so that He gets the glory!

Third, ACT. Get up. Fight. Act (2 Sam. 5:19). This is not an end to the waiting. This is acting in expectancy of His movement, knowing that without His movement your acting will be in vain (Pr. 21:31; Ps. 33:16-22; Ps. 127:1). The victory is still His!

Dear friends, I would encourage you that "The final result of all we do lies in the hands of God" (Piper). He will work His good plan and sanctification in our lives. He will bring Himself glory through us. He has given us His Son; "how will he not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (Rom. 8:32). These are sure promises. Wait on Him.

One Tuesday...

2009-04-07T19:59:00.012-04:00

As this is the week before Easter, my pastors have challenged us to spend some time each day studying the last week of Jesus' earthly life. As I was reading the passage for today, Mark 11:20-14:11, I was struck by the obvious contrast between the two responses to Jesus:

The end of chapter 11 through chapter 12 give account after account of Temple Leaders, Sadducees, Pharisees, and Scribes trying to trip Jesus up. What a long day this must have felt like as He silenced one group only to be greeted by another group of prideful critics. Because Jesus threatened their authority and called their lives and purpose into question, they spent the whole day baiting Him. They tried to find the one experience which would serve as the exception to Jesus' teaching and so provide them with the "obvious out." And I wonder how often I question God because His Word convicts me and will require painful change and humility. How often do I fire off "What if...?"s or "How about...?"s in order to find the loophole to nullify His call to obedience?

After a day of mental gymnastics, Jesus went to Bethany and dined with His disciples. It is here that we meet Mary, the contrast to His critics. Whether or not her heart was tender to the difficulties of Jesus' day and emotional exhaustion apparent on His face, we do not know. We do know that her heart yearned to worship; it was her heart's cry. She sacrificed something very precious to her, pouring it all out on Him. Longing to worship, be obedient, so much that she braved the annoyance, misunderstanding, and belittling of the other disciples. And I wonder, do I long to worship Him extravagantly--risking what is precious to me, inspite of what others may say?

What is my response to Jesus and His hard teachings? Am I offended and unrepentant, trying to critique His meaning and authority? Or do I greet who He is and His Kingdom call with humility and worship? At the end of today does Jesus feel like He spent more time with a woman who is a stubborn, prideful loophole-finder or with a woman who worships Him with reckless abandon?

Nostalgic

2009-04-02T13:33:00.004-04:00

This morning I was randomly reminded of the other blog I kept years ago. Going back through the old posts made me laugh and smile a good bit. Fun times!

Amidst the inside jokes and fun experiences from my first couple of years in this area are glimpses into what God was teaching me. It's comforting to know He's not grown weary of teaching me the same lesson over and over again: He is good.

If you need a good laugh at my expense or want to know just how mature I've become, lol, check it out. :)

Dirty, Rotten Scoundrel

2009-03-21T16:01:00.003-04:00

About three weeks ago, I was feeling weighed down and discouraged. I was trying to pray, spend time in the Word, react rightly to the people I come into contact with, and begin new spiritual disciplines! I felt bound and tired. It occurred to me that wasn't the purpose of the spiritual disciplines, so I took a break and decided to listen to a couple of sermons on walking in the Spirit to encourage me.

Listening to Mark Driscoll's and John Piper's sermons on Gal 5:16-26 was necessary; it was not encouraging. Ashamedly, I often skim over the works of the flesh when I am reading Galatians 5. However, the definition of sorcery more than caught my attention. Sorcery is defined as doing certain things to provoke certain events or responses from God, which includes the mentality, "I'll pray more, fast more, cry over my sin more, and then God'll move."

I must confess that I am too often guilty of this sin. "I'll spend more time in the Word this week because I am going to need wisdom to deal with that situation" i.e., "I really need the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom so I'd better make sure I'm in His good graces so He'll provide it." UGLY. This thinking operates as though God is capricious and not a God who acts out of His love as a Father. I so often try to "do the right things" in order to gain God's blessings, His favor, His presence, my own desires, or men's approval.

There's a line in Andrew Peterson's I've Got News which says, "So you think I’m not a dirty rotten scoundrel through and through? Lady, I’ve got news for you." This line has been running through my mind all day; no matter what anyone else thinks or sees, it's a true statement for me apart from Christ. And I have been shown the evidence of the flesh still in me in the last two weeks. "As it is written: 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one'" (Rom. 3:10-12).

Shouldn't I be free from the slavery of Romans 3? Yes. Why the disconnect then? Because I am trying to gain my sanctification through my own means. Earlier in Galatians, Paul says, "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?" (Gal. 3:3). Did I receive salvation because I could be good enough to please God? No. I received it because I believed in him (Gal. 3:2).

"Does He who supplies the Spirit to you and work miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith--just as 'Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness'?" (Gal. 3:5-6). So, therefore, does He give me His Spirit and work miracles in me because of my works? No; it is because of my belief in Him and His promises. Can I be righteous in His eyes? Yes; only believe Him.

Galatians 5:16 says, "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." I don't want to gratify the desires of the flesh. I want to be led by the Spirit. How do I do this?

Driscoll says, "Love Jesus. Our goal isn't to be good, moral people but to love Jesus. He loves us. He changes us. He call us to love Him and as we do, the sin gets further away."

John Piper says, "...hear the delectable promises of God and trust them, delight in them, rest in them." He went on to say, "The Spirit will work the miracle of renewal in your life when you start meditating on His unspeakable promises day and night and resting in them." (See Rom. 15:13, 2 Pet. 1:4, Isa. 64:4).

Love Jesus. Believe Jesus and His word. That is the way to victory in the Spirit.

Thank You!

2009-03-17T20:13:00.002-04:00

To everyone who has offered prayer support, thoughtful e-mails, and encouragement upon hearing about my upcoming transition--Thank you! I am so humbled by the way the Body of Christ works. You really are my family and the Father's grace to me.

Living by the Spirit

2009-03-15T15:48:00.007-04:00

"Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?" (Gal. 3:2-3, ESV)

Just as my justification and redemption was a work of the Spirit, so is my sanctification. I often forget this and attempt to be righteous in my own power.

Doomed to fail.

By the grace of God.

I have been mulling over this concept for the last several weeks and have listened to two very good, very unique yet similar sermons that I am including below:

Mark Driscoll's Spirit and Flesh (Gal. 5:16-26)

John Piper's The War Within: Flesh vs. Spirit (Gal. 5:16-18)

Thoughts to come later....

Joining God in Tampa

2009-03-06T19:18:00.020-05:00

I feel like I must acknowledge and apologize for the fact that it's been 3 months since I've updated. There's really no excuse for it, but I am going to take this post to let you know what I've been up to for the last 3 months! Does that help? :)

In October of last year, I was given the privilege of covenanting with Jessi, a dear friend, to pray for her, her husband, and the Perrys as they began to transition towards planting a church in Tampa, FL. As I prayed for the team, I was overwhelmed time and again by the way God was flinging open doors for them. We were clearly seeing God move on behalf of His Church and how humbling that was. Psalm 27:13 says, "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!", and I began to identify this verse with our meetings.

As I prayed, God prompted me to pray more, look for ways to serve the Tuckers and Perrys, and plan to give financially towards their support. With each step, God gave me an incredible joy in obedience. He has been so gracious to allow me to watch Him move in my friends' lives and for Tampa.

However, it didn't feel like enough. I wanted to do more. And so I began praying that God would allow me the opportunity to join the team in Tampa and serve them there. I can be prone to jump ahead of God with an idea, so I wanted to take my time praying before speaking with anyone. For a month and a half, I prayed without letting anyone know that I was considering it, and God only grew my desire to go with the team. God reminded me that loving the Perrys and Tuckers was not enough of a reason to go, and I began praying that He would allow me to have an affection for the students, moms, exotic dancers, baristas, assistants, and other women in Tampa so that I could like Paul say, "So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us" (1 Th. 2:8). Without even knowing the women in Tampa, I can tell you I am already praying for them often and long to love them as salt and light in a dark city. At the time I was praying, I didn't know how the team would feel about my coming but had pretty much decided to go regardless. :)

I let my parents and Lauren, my roommate, know what I was praying and asked them to pray as well for a month without talking to me about it. They did so. During this time, I began reading through Matthew in my quiet times and Jesus' call to "Follow Me" and the emphasis on God's sovereignty in calling the nations only deepened my desire to be where I knew He was working. Matthew 4 was especially convicting as the disciples immediately got up and followed Jesus; I mulled over the ESV Study Bible's notes for verses 18-19: "These brothers had been followers of Jesus for about a year...but apparently had returned for a time to their normal work.... Jesus calls them to abandon their ordinary occupations...and accompany him full-time." It reminded me that Jesus has called me full-time--all of my life must revolve around Him and His mission. I began sensing this when I returned from Venezuela two years ago, prompting a change of jobs so that I could spend more of my time volunteering and with my sisters in Christ. It wasn't enough.

After praying, Lauren gave me her complete and joy-filled blessing. According to her, she wasn't surprised and she wanted me to leave whenever I wanted to; (my name isn't on our lease, and she let me move in with her as a blessing to me and not because she needed a roommate--now I see God's orchestration even in this). My parents gave their cautious but affirming approval. (This is, after all, a bad time to move without a job because of the economy, and I will be the only member of my family on both sides who lives outside of NC).

In the next several weeks, I had the opportunity to tell both Jessi (Tucker) and Jackey Perry about my desire to move to Tampa in order to be a core group member for the church. The team as a whole has been excited and incredibly supportive. I respect these couples greatly and am looking forward to serving them in Tampa, and to have their encouragement has been so affirming. As I told the women in my small group and my girl friends, the response was overwhelmingly a lack of surprise and support for something we have been praying about for 2 years now. (After a year and a half of feeling like I was living life in a "holding pattern" without knowing what I was "holding" for, God has given me direction towards church planting, an area I've been praying about since May of 2007). When I look back over the notebook I put together when I first starting praying about church planting and full-time missional ministry, I can lay Covenant Life Church's information beside it and they match almost exactly. Praise the Lord! God has allowed me to partner with a team I've been praying for since the summer of 2007.

At this time, it was looking like I would not be able to move until January of 2010, a month which seemed entirely too far away. I began praying that God would free my commitments and the finances to allow me to move in August before the college students at the University of Tampa arrived for their next semester. In late January, God led me to 2 Corinthians 8-9 and Matthew 6:19-34; 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." As I meditated on these passages and read Randy Alcorn's The Treasure Principle, God challenged me to abound in every good work here and trust Him to take care of the means to live in Tampa. And how gracious He's been to do just that. During the last month, God has providentially freed almost $4000 that I can now commit towards getting to and living in Tampa, which means that I can and am planning to move in August.

Since December of 2006, God has said to me, "Wait. Wait on me. Wait for Me to move." And He is moving in Tampa. One of the principles from Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God that comes often to mind now is look for where God is working and join Him there. I am almost without words (seriously) that He is choosing to let me live and work in Tampa-a city full of people that desperately need Jesus, and He is "turning ground" to give them Himself. God has been preparing Tampa for His presence in a new way, and I am excited and nervous and so grateful that I will be able to be there in the city as He moves!

Praise the Lord for He is good and His love endures forever! Praise the Lord.

In the coming months, I will be posting updates and prayer requests here for me and the team and covet your prayers as I step out into this new season with God.

If you would like more information about Covenant Life Church and/or Tampa, I would encourage you to visit: Covenant Life's website.

A Day To Be Still

2008-12-01T18:38:00.005-05:00

A Journal Entry from November 13, 2008:

As I write this, I am sitting on a cushy, queen-sized bed in a Bed & Breakfast during my two day vacation. I already feel like two days just isn't enough. Last night, I left from work and arrived at the Bed & Breakfast around 7 p.m. I took a nice hot bath including a spearmint eucalyptus sugar scrub I've owned for years and brought with me. By 8:45, I was in a bed that I can lay in without some portion of my body hanging off of (and for someone who has problems getting comfortable because of her back you can imagine how delighted I was about that). I listened to my iPod for the first time in over a year and read a chapter in a book that has been sitting on my shelf for two years.

This morning I awoke to breakfast prepared by my hostess--breakfast consisted of hot tea and a pecan belgium waffle with strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream. Yum! Then I was able to get online to check my e-mail and download some new praise music from iTunes. About lunchtime, I decided to explore downtown a little even though it's rainy outside (let's not ponder why all of my vacations are waterlogged, okay?) I found a cute thrift shop, a homemade jewelry store, an independently owned bookstore, and an old-fashioned soda shoppe--this is where I had lunch. I love old places. The S&T Soda Shoppe was outfitted from the 1940s complete with wrought iron tables, huge mirrors, old ads, and very real Coke with cherry syrup and crushed ice. I am not sure why I love a soda fountain Cherry Coke as much as I do, but this one I'm nursing now is fantastic. Savorable.

After doing some writing this afternoon, I'm going to head across the street to a coffeeshop/cafe that has live jazz on Thursday nights. How I love locally owned cafes. I absolutely wish that I didn't have to head back to Raleigh tomorrow. I could spend another 3 days here... easy. With someone else to enjoy it with, a week.

By this point, you might be asking yourself, "Why the play-by-play?" Especially because this is unlike most of the other entries I've posted. Well, hang on, there is a purpose.

I realized that some of these activities (the pampering bath supplies, the iPod, the book) I have had in my possession for YEARS now. Why has it taken me this long to take advantage of them? I think partially it's because at home I'm so caught up in my routine I don't make the time for them. I often forget just how much I love to curl up with a good book or listen to my own music or spend 15 extra minutes getting ready in the morning until I do it.

Most everyone I know is busy. All the time. We wonder when it's going to slow down, and I honestly believe it won't unless we purposefully MAKE it slow down (if only for 15 minutes a day). Now I'm not advocating leaving an activity of serving or a responsibility so you can soak in your garden tub for 45 minutes each day.

However, I would ask--when was the last time you made life slow down? You took a morning, a day, a weekend to relax, to be refreshed, to be still and aware of your many blessings. I have stopped often in the last 12 hours and thanked God for soft sheets, hot tea, and silence. When was the last time you took the time to stop and be alone with your Creator and study the Word. I mean really be alone and study Him (this activity takes time). Before this weekend, I honestly could not remember. I realize not everyone can take two days and leave town to be still, but I would encourage you to find a morning or afternoon to stop the craziness, be refreshed, and come into His presence knowing you don't have to rush right back out again in a certain number of minutes.

I also wonder, "If I am so caught up in my day to day routine that I don't even take a moment to read a chapter in a book that I like, am I hearing my Savior's 'still small voice' in the midst of my routine?"

Am I truly aware of when He would ask me to step out of it and come away with Him?
Do I hear him call me to encourage someone that I haven't "scheduled" into my daytimer? And do I obey gladly or do I view this opportunity as an interruption, an unneeded and unwanted aberration?
Can I even hear him telling me how I am to be obedient in that routine? Or am I simply going through the motions?

These are the questions I ponder.

May I never stop seeking His rest. May I strive against getting caught up in my own plans and schedule so that I can be avidly listening for His voice and ready to obey for His glory. I pray the same for you.

Wilderness Bouquets

2008-11-22T21:15:00.023-05:00

For almost 26 years of my life, I could not admit how much I really love flowers. I even worked at a florist for a year without fessing up to it. I told myself and other people that flowers just weren’t worth the expense: "They are beautiful, but way too overpriced for their 2-week life span." The truth of the matter is, my attitude towards flowers had more to do with the fact that I had only received them once in my life (a small clutch of 3 red roses with baby’s breath) and didn’t want to assume I would receive them in the future. Why? Because they are expensive, they don't live for long, and even the most godly men I know don't give their wives flowers often, if ever.

But September of 2007 changed all of that. You see, within the course of 2 weeks, I received 3 bouquets. Two of which were made of flowers that were my favorite color. One arrangement was left on my doorstep with a note, no signature. All three came with the message that God loved me and thought of me.

God was the only one who knew how much those flowers spoke to my heart. Only God could lay it on someone’s heart to buy me flowers … and my favorite color flowers no less. Only God knew how I was struggling that month. You see it was the month "we" had planned on getting married, and only 2 people knew the significance of that period (neither of whom bought flowers for me that month).

He alone knew how much my heart was hurting. He moved to let me know I was loved and pursued by HIM. And He would find a way to communicate that message when I most needed it. Shortly thereafter, I found the following song; it, along with Hosea 2:14-20, spoke volumes to my heart: Acres of Hope by Shane Barnard and Robbie Seay.

He is my Relentless Pursuer. He has spoken tenderly and intimately to me in my own "Valley of Achor" (i.e., the valley of trouble), and hope is not lost--for He has led me here, He has been here, He has taught me about Himself, He has given hope, and He has blessing ahead. Praise the Lord for His steadfast love endures forever.

Evidences of Grace

2008-11-13T19:53:00.014-05:00

Only 3 days after I received the roses, life changed, again. In the last three weeks, I have found myself asking questions I thought I had answered and wading through feelings supposedly dead and buried. I feel pulled backward and afraid of becoming stuck here. Wasn't I past this?

And, honestly, I find myself asking God why? I thought I was turning a corner in the tunnel which would lead me down the last few steps out into the open air only to find the corner another passageway in itself.

We all have those days, weeks, years—seasons of life—when it takes every fiber in your being to trust God and continue in obedience and joy. To some extent the last two years have been that season for me. In the midst of the gray and sometimes lonely road, I have found two (at least) helpful activities:

Look for God’s grace here. Be vigilant in asking God to open your eyes to what He is doing even now. Be sensitive to moments you hear His voice or see His provision. And when you see those “evidences of grace,” no matter how small, tell people about them—praising God will help you to focus on His presence and sovereignty in this place. Don’t stop there though: write these evidences of grace down.

What am I praising God for today? Well, in these past three weeks, I have had the opportunity to be prayed with by three separate sisters who let me cry, spoke encouragement to my heart, and were each led to pray passages of Scripture which the Holy Spirit had already brought to my mind. Their presence alone is an evidence of grace. The reality that these dear friends reaffirmed words which God had already spoken to me is evidence that He is here. More than here.

Similarly, remind yourself of God’s history of grace, both scripturally and personally. Just as the 12 memorial stones stood beside the Jordan after Israel crossed it on dry ground, the Bible stands as our record, our sign, of the might, love, and wonder of the God who has acted on behalf of His people (Joshua 4:1-10; cf. Deuteronomy 6). The Old Testament, specifically Psalms and 1 & 2 Samuel, has been particularly sweet to me because of the record of how often the God of the Universe intervenes on behalf of His people. Remember His character. Likewise, spend some time reading back over old journals or notes from years past; remember God’s legacy of grace in your life as well. This is why I would encourage you to write the evidences of grace down as you become aware of them. On those days when I can’t see God’s provision in my life, I pull out my little black notebook and remind myself of what He did or showed me yesterday, last month, or two years ago. Doing this, allows me the opportunity to "Remember," an encouragement which is given at least 25 times in the Old Testament.

In my next post, I’ll invite you into one moment in God’s history of grace with me. But first...

It’s your turn. To this point in my short blogging history, I haven’t asked for anyone’s participation—but I would be so encouraged to hear about what you see as God's evidence of grace to you now. I would ask you to e-mail me (or leave a comment below) concerning something God has done for you in the last month, something only He could orchestrate, knowing your need. I would truly love the opportunity to praise the Lord with you for His provision in your walk with Him.

One Dozen Roses (Oct 19, 2008)

2008-10-25T17:51:00.008-04:00

As I write this, a dozen red roses are sitting on my dining room table. A dozen red roses. I don’t know about you, but as much as I might say that flowers aren’t important to me—and definitely not roses—as a woman, the delivery of a dozen red roses without a twig of baby’s breath included does weird and wonderful things to my heart.

This week was a hard one. A battle for my mind and my heart. I was graciously reminded that my fate doesn’t rest in any human’s hands but in my Sovereign Father’s. I was challenged to trust God instead of being afraid (Ps. 56:3-4), to show love sacrificially instead of responding to the actions of others (Mt. 5:43-48; Ph. 2:3-4).

I am often tempted to fear and to respond in self-protection. By Thursday evening, I felt taken advantage of, manipulated, wary, lied to, vulnerable, and tired. I cried for someone to protect me and step in between me and these other people.

On Friday, I wanted to choose rightly. I wanted to trust God and continue to respond in love, but honestly, I wanted to go back to bed more. I sat on my closet floor praying that God would be merciful to me and give me the strength to trust one more day.

About noon, I received the delivery. I’ve never had flowers delivered to me before. Honestly, it was so overwhelming that I think the delivery guy barely made it out the door before I began crying. The note had no signature and only one line: Joshua 1:9.

This verse reads, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

God answered my prayer for mercy. He knows my heart and what would speak to it in a way that would identify Him alone as the communicator. And with the beautiful, personal reminder that He knows and loves me came the challenge to remember another truth. The truth that I am fighting a battle. I have been commanded to be strong and full of courage. I should not be afraid or distressed. Why? Not because I won’t get hurt. Not because the people around me will get it right. But because the LORD is with me.

I must remember “in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (Ps. 56:4). And this God is Sovereign, Creator, Mighty Judge Over All, The Director of Men’s Hearts, The One Whose Purposes Will Not Be Thwarted (Isaiah 40:28; Ps. 9:8; Ezra 6:22; Pr. 16:9; Job 42:2). He is the Heavenly Bridegroom, The Lover of My Soul, The One Who Knows My Heart Intimately. My Relentless Pursuer (Is. 54:5, 62:5; Eph. 5:32; Ps. 139:13-16; Hosea 2:14-23).

My merciful God who in the midst of my stumbling chose to lay it on someone’s heart to send me flowers with His message attached. I worship the God who knows me intimately and acts to show me His love personally. And my heart and mind are safe in His hands.

What have I to fear with THIS Protector on my side?

(cf. Ps 57:1-2, Ps. 34:4-5)

"So I find this law at work..."

2008-09-27T18:04:00.026-04:00

Are you ever humbled by your own depravity? This week I received a reminder of how much selfishness lives on in my flesh. I was especially humbled by the absolute irony behind and deceitfulness of my sin. I was also reminded of Hebrews 3:13, "But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin"; hence this post.

Let me explain. Late Thursday evening, I e-mailed a couple of girlfriends inviting them to go see the movie Fireproof with me. I explained that as this movie deals with the weighty questions of marriage, sacrificial love, divorce, etc., I would love the opportunity to see the movie with them. I suggested that we take our Bibles to Starbucks after the movie to discuss how we thought the movie handled these concepts and what we, as single women, could do to think rightly about and prepare well for marriage. I was very excited about opening God's Word with these two women. So excited in fact that I downplayed that I had verbally told another friend that I had no plans for Friday night, thus committing to spending the evening with her.

On Friday morning, I rationalized that we hadn't set up specific plans for the evening; she had simply asked if I was free and let me know that her husband was working for the weekend. And, I thought, how encouraging it would be to spend the evening with my sisters in Christ as we discussed God's Word and how we could hold each other accountable to exhibiting godly qualities in any relationships we might have.

I set up a time to meet my girl friends, and even called the friend I had made plans with to ask her to reschedule. She graciously (yet honestly) agreed to make alternate plans for herself and see me another time so that I could go to the movies with the other ladies. And then--praise the Lord--the Holy Spirit deepened the unease He'd been placing in my spirit all morning.

"What business do you have going to talk about loving and serving someone well when you are breaking your word with another person to do so? Can you ask someone else for integrity in his/her speech if you so easily change plans with someone you love?"

And it hit me. I selfishlessly wanted to talk about the servanthood in marriage issue with my two friends. I wanted it so badly that I was willing to leave a long time friend alone for the evening and expected her seal of approval to do so because I was ditching her to do such a godly thing. I was taking advantage of the fact that she has been my friend for years and would forgive me for backing out on our plans for more exciting ones.

Wow.

The complete lack of regard for another person brought me up short. If I selfishly put my own desires before my friends' feelings and my own integrity because I am comfortable with them, then I will, quite likely, do the same with my husband.

I was given a unique opportunity to practice true love with a sister in Christ and failed miserably. I am humbled by the fact that I was unaware of the temptation to sin until after I had sinned. My mindset was completely unguarded.

This reminds me of Paul's words in Romans 7:21-25a, "So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my [body] another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in [me]. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Praise the Lord that Jesus Christ is working redemption and freedom in me for without Him I am bound to sin even when I desire to do the right thing (Rom. 8:1-11; Phil. 1:6)!

Finally, what must change because of this experience?

I must make it a conscious effort to practice integrity in every relationship I have.
I must make it a concerted discipline to choose the other person's best interest with everyone I come in contact with (from my boss and coworkers and my friends to my roommate and my family) and not just my future husband, sons, and daughters.
I must continue to ask myself if I am guilty of taking advantage of those people closest to me.
I must guard myself against focusing on serving one person to the detriment of others and ask myself if I am overlooking anyone in my desire to serve certain individuals.
I must remember Philippians 2:3-8--"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

How grateful I am that Romans 7:21 is not the end of the story. "Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

Conduits of Grace

2008-09-17T22:36:00.007-04:00

"Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who wait for Him." Isaiah 30:18

This weekend was a discouraging and exhausting one. I returned from rainy Chicago disappointed and desiring to go to bed and sleep for days instead of jumping into the week before me. However, God was gracious to me. Within a little over 12 hours of my return, two separate friends encouraged me greatly. I received sympathetic phone calls, offers to run errands, specific prayers on my behalf, and a very colorful and noisy card! Their thoughtfulness was humbling and cherished. These women made me smile and want to reach out again. They both served as portraits of Gal. 6:10 to me.

They were conduits of grace. I do not remember where I first heard this phrase; it certainly is not original to me. But how fitting this imagery has been for me in the last several months. You see the presence of these sisters in my life is not an indicator of grace, and their absence would not signal its desertion. God's grace is not dependent on either the wonderful people or great situations in my life. His presence is grace. His character alone is evidence of goodness regardless of whatever else may be. Or not be.

And yet, I am so grateful that my Father is a God who sometimes chooses to use human hands and feet to show His love and remind us that He knows. He prompted both of these women to love me a little more personally on Monday. He used them to bless me. He is the author of their kindness. They are simply conduits, people through which He says, “I love you; see how I want to be gracious to you.”

Praise the Lord that He is gracious. Praise Him that He chooses, at times, to physically SHOW us grace and love. Praise the Lord.

A Year Ago...

2008-09-03T22:05:00.025-04:00

For better or for worse, every now and then, I get the urge to look back at what my journal looked like on this day last year, two years, etc.

September 4th, 2007 was a short entry centered on Psalm 57. My only notes for that day were 5 bullet points on what this passage has to say about God's character (a discipline I picked up from Dianne Hart).

GOD
is a refuge (cf. Ps. 46:1)
will fulfill His purpose for his children (singularly and as a people)(cf: Ps. 137:8)
will send help from heaven
will shame those who trample on His own
will send His love and faithfulness to those who belong to Him

The characteristics of God mentioned above have been on my mind since hearing about the current persecution of Christians in India. As I have been praying for them, the Holy Spirit has been so good to remind me of His testimony of faithfulness to His character and His covenant people. How grateful I am to serve the one, true, living God!

David, likewise, knew persecution. He also knew God, and it is because of this fact that his response to having to flee for his life was this: "Be exalted O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!" (Ps. 57:5, 11). May that be my prayer as well--for India, for the world, for my existence here in Wake Forest.

Living in Knots

2008-08-20T21:24:00.005-04:00

I have spent a lot of this last week in knots. Hoping for something new and yet convincing myself that it’s not time yet; that this opportunity is not what God’s been telling me to wait on. I want it. I don’t want it. I do, but it’s not going to happen. I’ll be honest and tell you I’m trying to find that balance of honesty and submission, hope and reason. Trust.

I may not know much,… but this I do know:

"He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things" (Romans 8:32).

Don't go too quickly by that. Go back. Read it again. And again.

He is a gracious Giver, our Father, and works not only for His glory, but also for our good. (see the many passages that focus on this; the following being only a few: Matt. 7:7-11, Rom. 8:28, Jam. 1:17, 2 Pet. 1:3-4--not to mention the passion accounts). This is true regardless of whether or not the above opportunity come to fruition. It's true whether or not the next opportunity comes to be. He is what I must focus on if I am going to live free, without the chains of anxiety.

The Atonement

2008-08-10T14:27:00.008-04:00

How often I am not still because I am trying to be worthy of what Jesus did for me. So busy trying to do the right thing and respond the right way so He doesn’t regret choosing me.

Instead of understanding the Atonement.

Last Sunday, Dr. Mark Liederbach, a professor at SEBTS, spoke on the Penal Substitutionary Atonement of God. *I know this is an overwhelming phrase, but stick with me, He did a great job of explaining it!* The following are my notes upon hearing the Gospel once again.

1. There was a penalty to be paid by me, a sinner. Because it only takes one sin to shatter the relationship, the FULL wrath of God was focused on me, on us, a sinner being devastated by the effects of sin. Let me not forget that before Christ I was not only ravaged by the bondage of sin, but also the target of the wrath of Almighty God (Rom. 3:23, 6:23a, Jam. 2:10, Rom. 1:18, 2 Th. 1:7b-9).

2. And Jesus—voluntarily choosing the only way to save me (us) and satisfy the justified wrath of a Holy God—stepped into my place as a substitute (cf. Gen 22). In being my (our) substitute, He:

Served as the propitiation for my sins, which means the wrath of God was meant for me was redirected to Jesus, and the whole, complete wrath of God exploded on Jesus on the cross. The wrath of God was EXHAUSTED on Jesus. There is none left for those who believe (Rom. 3:25, 8:1; Heb. 2:17, 1 Jn. 4:10)

Redeemed me, ransomed me, bought me back.(Rom. 3:24, Gal. 3:13, Matt. 20:28; cf. Hos. 3:1-6)

Justified me, God declared me not guilty. (Rom. 3:24-26, 5:1-9, 8:30; 1 Cor. 6:11)

Imputed to (bestowed on) me the righteousness of God! When God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of His Son, and so, He is FULLY PLEASED in me. I so often pray that He’ll be pleased by my actions, how I spend my days, and trying to be worthy now. Yet, His word says that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” He is already fully pleased because He sees His Son in me. (2 Cor. 5:21; Rom. 8:1; cf. Rom. 5:12-19)

3. He reconciled me to Himself, adopted me into His Family in order that I can be called a daughter of God, with the ability to call Him Daddy. (2 Cor. 5:18-19, Jn. 1:12; Rom 8:15).

What does this mean?

As one who has chosen to believe in Jesus, I am:

No Longer under Wrath
Declared Not Guilty
Given the Righteousness of Jesus

Reconciled to Him
Fully Pleasing to Him
A Daughter of God
Able to call God Almighty Daddy
Loved
Free from the tyranny of others’ opinions

He shouts over me, “There is no condemnation for those in Me. I love you. I love you. Get over yourself. I love you. You are fully pleasing because of what My Son did on the cross.” (Zeph. 3:17; Rom. 8:1, 2 Cor. 5:21)

What is my response?

When I am tempted to be selfish, to demand my rights, etc. remember that this act deserves the full explosion of God’s wrath—the complete punishment,—yet Jesus’ stepped into my place to free me from it and WORSHIP.

Learn to live in response to these things—to REST in what He has said about and done for me, instead of attempting to gain approval when His is already mine.

And for those who are not yet children of God, may you choose to believe him. “…If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead you will be saved. For it is with the heart one believes and is justified (declared not guilty), and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” (Rom. 10:9-10)

Sitting Still

2008-07-10T22:10:00.010-04:00

Luke 10:38-42 ESV
"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

I don't do stillness well. And if God has been teaching me anything for the last year and a half, it is to STAND STILL. Graciously, patiently, firmly, sternly, tenderly, He has said "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). This is definitely a lesson I need to learn because I am often "distracted by all the preparations that have to be made" (as the NIV words verse 40).

What does that distraction lead to? Being anxious and troubled. Often.

Yet, I am constantly humbled by just how merciful Jesus' response is to Martha. Instead of a harsh rebuke, He gets her attention by calling her name and reminding her of what's important: sitting at His feet as He speaks. How often I miss the one necessary thing in the midst of all I think needs to be done.

What is He saying?

Sit at My feet. Wait upon the Lord. Be still. Wait for the Lord. Stand firm and be silent. For this is the one necessary thing. This cannot be taken away from you.

I am challenged by this call. I am intrigued by the times it is referenced in His Word. I also have many questions. What does it look like to be still? Why should I be still? When should I be still? What are the blessings of stillness or the consequences of running ahead? How am I to be still in the midst of His call?

Even the answers must come from Him in His time. As I dig in His Word and wait for Him to bring wisdom.